The Sword in the House
Introduction: The Chickens Come Home
There are passages in Scripture that are hard to read. They are ugly, brutal, and they make us profoundly uncomfortable. This chapter is one of them. It details a story of incestuous rape, manipulation, hatred, and the catastrophic failure of a father. Our modern sensibilities might tempt us to skip over such a passage, to file it away as a relic of a barbaric time. But the Holy Spirit inspired these words and preserved them for our instruction, and we neglect them to our peril. We must look squarely at the darkness, because it is only there that we can understand the nature of our own sin and the desperate need we have for the light of the gospel.
We must understand that the events of this chapter are not a random family tragedy. This is not just a story about dysfunctional royals. This is theology. This is the direct, covenantal consequence of David’s sin with Bathsheba. The prophet Nathan had delivered God’s verdict: "Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house" (2 Sam. 12:10). And here, the sword arrives. It is not wielded by a Philistine or an Ammonite, but by David’s own son, in David’s own house, against David’s own daughter. Sin is a seed, and when it is sown, it bears fruit after its own kind. David sowed a secret sin of lust, adultery, and murder, and now he is reaping a public harvest of lust, rape, and murder from his own children. This is the story of how the rot that began in the king's heart spreads to consume his entire household.
The Text
Now it happened afterwards that Absalom the son of David had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar, and Amnon the son of David loved her. And Amnon was so distressed because of his sister Tamar that he made himself ill, for she was a virgin. So it was hard in Amnon’s sight to do anything to her. But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother; and Jonadab was a very shrewd man. And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so depressed morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Then Amnon said to him, “I am in love with Tamar, the sister of my brother Absalom.” Jonadab then said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill; and your father will come to see you, and you will say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me some food to eat, and let her prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat from her hand.’ ” So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; and the king came to see him, and Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” Then David sent to the house for Tamar, saying, “Go now to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, and he was lying down. And she took dough, kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. And she took the pan and dished them out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Have everyone go out from me.” So everyone went out from him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand.” So Tamar took the cakes which she had made and brought them into the bedroom to her brother Amnon. Then she brought them near to him to eat, but he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” But she said to him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this disgraceful thing! As for me, where could I get rid of my reproach? And as for you, you will be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. So now, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” But he was not willing to listen to her voice. Now he was stronger than she, so he violated her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up, go away!” But she said to him, “No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me!” But he was not willing to listen to her. Then he called his young man who attended him and said, “Now cast this woman out of my presence, and lock the door behind her.” Now she had on a long-sleeved garment; for in this manner the virgin daughters of the king dressed themselves in robes. Then his attendant took her out and locked the door behind her. Then Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her long-sleeved garment which was on her; and she put her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went. So Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now keep silent, my sister, he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart.” So Tamar remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry. But Absalom did not speak to Amnon either good or bad; for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar.
(2 Samuel 13:1-22 LSB)
The Sickness of Lust and the Serpent's Counsel (vv. 1-6)
The story begins with a counterfeit love. We are told that "Amnon the son of David loved her." But we must use God's dictionary, not the world's. This is not love. This is lust. This is a consuming, idolatrous obsession. It is a sickness that makes him physically ill, not out of concern for Tamar, but because he cannot possess her. This is the nature of all sin. It is an insatiable desire for something God has forbidden, and it eats you alive from the inside out. Amnon is the crown prince, David's firstborn, yet he is a slave to his passions. He is a king in waiting who cannot even rule himself.
Into this pathetic state of self-pity comes his friend Jonadab, who is described as "a very shrewd man." The word here means clever, crafty, subtle. It is not a compliment. Jonadab is the serpent in the garden, whispering a wicked "how to" into the ear of a man already entertaining sin. He is the friend who helps you rationalize your wickedness. He sees Amnon's distress not as a spiritual disease to be cured with repentance, but as a practical problem to be solved with a clever scheme. Notice he does not ask, "Is this right?" He only provides the means. His counsel is pure poison, a cowardly plot that uses sickness as a disguise, family affection as a lure, and the king's authority as an unwitting instrument.
Amnon, a willing listener, takes the bait. He lies, he deceives his own father, and he sets the trap. And David, the great king, is played for a fool. He sees his son's supposed illness and, out of fatherly concern, sends his innocent daughter into the lion's den. This is the first great failure of David in this chapter. He is passive. He is undiscerning. He is a father who fails to protect his children because he is being manipulated by one of them.
The Crime and the Appeal to Reason (vv. 7-14)
Tamar comes in dutiful obedience to her father and in loving service to her brother. She prepares the food with her own hands, an act of intimate care. The scene is set up to highlight her innocence and the predatory nature of Amnon's deception. Once she is isolated, with all the servants sent away, the mask comes off. The feigned sickness gives way to forceful lust.
When Amnon grabs her and makes his vile demand, Tamar's response is astonishing in its clarity and force. She is not hysterical; she is logical. She makes four powerful arguments against his sin. First, she appeals to their relationship: "No, my brother." This is a violation of family. Second, she appeals to God's law: "do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel." This is a nebalah, a disgraceful, foolish, and wicked thing that violates the covenant community. Third, she appeals to the consequences, both for her and for him. For her, it is public shame: "where could I get rid of my reproach?" For him, it is public disgrace: "you will be like one of the wicked fools in Israel." She is trying to save him from himself. Fourth, she even offers a possible lawful way out, suggesting he speak to the king. She is thinking more clearly under duress than he is in his passion.
But lust is deaf. The text is blunt: "But he was not willing to listen to her voice." Sin does not listen to reason. It does not care about law, family, or consequences. It wants what it wants, now. And so, because "he was stronger than she," he takes what he wants by force. This is the essence of tyranny, whether in a king or in a man's heart. It is the rule of power over righteousness.
The Hatred That Follows Sin (vv. 15-19)
What happens next is one of the most psychologically astute descriptions of sin in all of literature. The moment the act is over, Amnon's "love" evaporates and is replaced by a "very great hatred." The hatred is explicitly described as being "greater than the love with which he had loved her." Why? Because lust is a lie. It promises satisfaction but delivers only ashes. Once the passion is spent, all that is left is the guilt, the shame, and the self-loathing of the act. Amnon now looks at Tamar and sees not the object of his desire, but the living, breathing evidence of his own wickedness. He cannot stand the sight of her, because he cannot stand the sight of himself. And so, he projects his self-hatred onto his victim.
His cruelty now escalates. He treats her like refuse. "Get up, go away!" Tamar, in her wisdom, recognizes this second act as an even greater evil. The rape stole her virginity, but casting her out like this publicly destroys her honor, her reputation, and her future. It is a public declaration of her shame. But again, "he was not willing to listen to her." He has his servant throw her out and lock the door, a final, brutal act of rejection. Tamar's response is one of formal, public mourning. She puts ashes on her head, tears her special robe, the symbol of her royal virginity, and goes away crying aloud. She is not hiding what was done. She is making a public appeal for justice.
The Failure of the Father and the Festering of Revenge (vv. 20-22)
Absalom, Tamar's full brother, finds her. His response is telling. He shows a cold, calculating cunning. He correctly identifies the culprit but tells his sister to be quiet. "Do not take this matter to heart." This is not comfort; this is a command to suppress the demand for justice because he has already begun to formulate his own plans for vengeance. He takes Tamar into his house, where she remains "desolate." She is a living casualty of her brother's sin and her father's failure.
And what of the king? What of the man after God's own heart, the sweet psalmist of Israel? The text says, "when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry." And that is all. He was angry. He did nothing. He passed no judgment. He executed no justice. Why this paralysis? Because the sword of Nathan's prophecy had not only entered his house, it had severed his moral nerve. How could David bring the law of God to bear on his son for a sexual sin when his own sin with Bathsheba was an open secret in the court? His sin had stolen his authority. A father who will not discipline his children in the face of such evil is a father who has abdicated his throne. This impotent anger is not righteous. It is the pathetic rage of a man trapped by his own hypocrisy. David's passivity here is the soil in which Absalom's murderous hatred is allowed to grow for two full years, a hatred that will eventually erupt into rebellion and plunge the entire kingdom into civil war.
Conclusion: A Better King, A True Brother
This chapter is a stark portrait of the anatomy of sin. It begins with a lustful thought, is fed by wicked counsel, grows into a monstrous act of violence, and gives birth to hatred, division, and murder. It shows us that sin is never a private matter. It devastates families and unravels nations.
It also shows us the catastrophic failure of earthly kings and fathers. David, the best king Israel ever had, was crippled by his own sin, unable to bring justice and order to his own home. His house is a microcosm of the problem of the human race. We are all members of a broken family, ruled by compromised authorities, and desolate because of sin.
This is why this story, in all its ugliness, is good news. It makes us cry out for a better King. It makes us long for a true Elder Brother. We need a King who is not passive in the face of evil, but who crushes the head of the serpent. We need a Brother who does not use his strength to violate, but who lays down his life to protect His bride. Jesus Christ is that King and that Brother. He saw us in our desolate state, shamed and ruined by sin, and He did not cast us out. He came near. He took our shame upon Himself at the cross. He is the King who was not just "very angry" about sin; He absorbed the full wrath of God against it. He is the Brother who restores the desolate and gives them a place of honor in His house forever. The house of David crumbled because of sin, but the house that Jesus builds, His church, will stand forever, and the gates of Hell will not prevail against it.