Commentary - Ephesians 6:1-4

Bird's-eye view

In this brief but foundational passage, the Apostle Paul applies the glorious truths of the gospel, laid out in the first half of the letter, to the most basic unit of society: the family. Having just instructed husbands and wives on their Christ-and-the-church roles, he now turns to children and parents. This is not an afterthought but a critical outworking of what it means to live a life worthy of the calling we have received. The instructions are reciprocal. Children are given a command to obey and honor, rooted in the created order and the moral law of God. This command is uniquely highlighted as the first with a specific promise of blessing attached. Fathers are then given a corresponding command not to exasperate their children but to raise them in the totality of a Christian worldview. This passage establishes the covenantal household as the primary proving ground for the gospel. It is here, in the daily interactions between parents and children, that submission to the Lordship of Christ is to be most practically and powerfully displayed.

The structure is simple and profound. First, a duty for children, grounded in what is "right" and reinforced by the Decalogue. Second, a duty for fathers, which by extension includes mothers, grounded in the formative purpose of the covenant community. Paul is laying down the tracks for generational faithfulness. A society that despises its elderly and a society that provokes its young are two societies racing toward the same cliff. The gospel restores these relationships, creating households that are nurseries of faith, stability, and blessing, all for the glory of God.

Outline

Context In Ephesians

Ephesians 6:1-4 is situated in the second major section of the letter (chapters 4-6), which is dedicated to the practical application of the gospel. The first three chapters are a soaring exposition of our salvation in Christ: election, redemption, regeneration, and union with Christ and His body, the Church. Beginning in chapter 4, Paul pivots with the word "therefore," urging believers to walk in a manner worthy of this high calling. This walk involves unity, holiness, and a clear distinction from the old way of life. In chapter 5, he applies this to specific relationships, beginning with the command for all believers to be filled with the Spirit. This Spirit-filled life manifests in mutual submission, which he then illustrates in the relationships of wives and husbands, and now, children and parents. This section on the household is not, therefore, a detached list of domestic rules. It is the direct consequence of being united to Christ. The gospel reshapes everything, and it begins in the home.

Key Issues

The Household as Gospel Microcosm

It is impossible to overstate the importance of what Paul is doing here. For the Christian, there is no sacred/secular divide. The same grace that saves your soul is the grace that shapes your family. The household is not a neutral zone; it is a covenant institution. The relationship between parents and children is designed by God to be a living picture of our relationship to Him. Children are to learn the meaning of submission to a loving authority, and parents are to learn the meaning of exercising authority with loving-kindness. When a child obeys "in the Lord," he is practicing for a lifetime of obeying the Lord. When a father brings his children up in the "discipline of the Lord," he is acting as God's designated ambassador, representing the character of our Heavenly Father.

This is why the breakdown of the family is always a primary objective for the enemies of God. If you can sever the ties of loyalty and respect between generations, you can destroy a culture. But when the gospel takes root, it restores these foundations. It creates households that are not perfect, but are characterized by grace, forgiveness, instruction, and honor. These households become outposts of the kingdom of God, little platoons that train up the next generation of soldiers for Christ.

Verse by Verse Commentary

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

The instruction begins with the children, and it is a direct command: obey. This is not a suggestion. The word implies a listening that leads to action. This obedience is to be rendered to "your parents," plural. Both father and mother are vested with this authority. The qualifier is crucial: in the Lord. This means two things. First, the entire relationship is situated within the covenant. Children obey because they and their parents belong to the Lord. Second, it sets the ultimate boundary for parental authority. Parents are to be obeyed insofar as their commands do not contradict the commands of the Lord. If a parent tells a child to sin, the child's higher duty is to God. But in all lawful things, the command stands. Paul grounds this not in pragmatism but in divine order: "for this is right." It is fitting, it is just, it aligns with the grain of God's created world.

2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise),

Paul immediately moves from the general principle of obedience to the specific command from the Decalogue. He quotes the fifth commandment, which calls for honor. Honor is deeper and broader than obedience. A five-year-old boy can obey his mother by taking out the trash. A fifty-year-old man honors his mother by speaking of her with respect, seeking her wisdom, and ensuring she is cared for in her old age. Obedience is a duty for dependent children living in the home; honor is a duty for life. The duty to obey passes when a child establishes their own household, but the duty to honor never does. Paul adds a parenthetical note of great significance. This is the "first commandment with a promise." It stands at the head of the second table of the law, governing our human relationships, and God has uniquely attached a specific blessing to its observance.

3 SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG IN THE LAND.

Here is the promise. Paul quotes it from Deuteronomy, but with a significant expansion. The original promise was long life "in the land" which the Lord was giving to Israel. Paul, writing to Gentiles in Ephesus, universalizes the promise to "the earth." This is a principle of God's moral government for all people in all places. A society that honors the elderly and respects parental authority is a stable, healthy, and enduring society. The blessing is both individual and corporate. For the individual, a life of honor toward parents generally leads to a life of wisdom, avoiding the kind of rebellion that cuts life short. Corporately, a culture that keeps this commandment will be blessed with social cohesion and longevity. Discarding the wisdom of the old and despising authority is the fast track to cultural suicide.

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The responsibility is reciprocal. Authority is never given for its own sake, but for the sake of those under it. The command is addressed to fathers specifically. This does not exclude mothers, but it highlights the father's role as the covenant head of the household. He is federally responsible for the spiritual climate of the home. The command has two parts, a negative and a positive. Negatively, fathers are not to "provoke your children to anger." This means they are not to exasperate them through hypocrisy, inconsistency, favoritism, cruelty, or making unreasonable demands. It is a warning against a kind of parenting that makes righteousness odious and discourages the child. A father can crush a child's spirit with harshness and constant criticism, and this is a grave sin.

Positively, the father's central task is to "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." The Greek word for discipline is paideia, which is a rich term encompassing the whole of a child's training and education. It includes correction and chastisement, but it is much broader. It is the task of shaping the child's entire worldview. The word for "instruction" is nouthesia, which refers to verbal admonition and warning. Taken together, this is a mandate for a thoroughly Christian education. The father is responsible to ensure his children are raised in a thick, robust, all-encompassing Christian culture, where the Lordship of Jesus Christ is applied to every aspect of life.

Application

This passage strikes at the root of our modern chaos. We live in a culture that celebrates youthful rebellion and despises age and authority. The world tells children that their parents are clueless obstacles to their self-expression. The world tells parents to either be tyrants or to abdicate their responsibility entirely in favor of a squishy therapeutic approach. The gospel cuts through all this nonsense.

For the children and young people here, your first and most basic duty before God is to honor and obey your parents. This is not contingent on their perfection. You are to do it "in the Lord." Your obedience is an act of worship to Christ. A rebellious heart toward your parents is a rebellious heart toward God, no matter how many worship songs you sing. The promise of a good and long life is tied to this. Learn to receive instruction, and you will be blessed.

For the fathers, the primary responsibility for the spiritual state of your home rests on your shoulders. You are to lead. This means you must first govern yourself. You cannot provoke your children with hypocrisy, demanding a standard from them that you do not keep yourself. You must not exasperate them with anger and impatience. Your authority is a stewardship, and you are to wield it with grace and wisdom. Your great project is to build a Christian culture in your home. This means catechism, family worship, and constant instruction, yes. But it also means laughter, joy, and a palpable love for your wife and children. It means bringing them up in a total environment that makes the gospel attractive. You are not just raising kids; you are raising the next generation of the church. This is your task. By God's grace, do not fail in it.