Commentary - Ephesians 5:22-33

Bird's-eye view

In this famous and much-embattled passage, the apostle Paul lays out the architecture of a Christian household. Having just established in verse 21 that the Spirit-filled life results in mutual submission, he now applies that principle to the most intimate of human relationships: marriage. This is not a detached set of rules for domestic tranquility, but rather a profound exposition of the gospel itself, displayed in miniature. The union of husband and wife is a living icon, a flesh-and-blood parable of Christ and His bride, the Church.

Paul addresses wives first, calling them to a glad-hearted submission to their own husbands, a submission that mirrors the Church's joyful subjection to Christ. He then turns to the husbands, commanding them to a sacrificial, sanctifying love for their wives, a love patterned directly after Christ's love for the Church, for which He gave His very life. The entire structure is held together by this central analogy. Marriage is not ultimately about us; it is about displaying the glory of the gospel. The duties are distinct, the callings are different, but the goal is one: to enact the story of redemption in the home.

Outline

Clause-by-Clause Commentary

v. 22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Paul begins with the wives. The verb for "be subject" or "submit" is actually borrowed from the previous verse, which speaks of "submitting to one another." This is crucial. The submission of a wife is not a standalone command dropped from the sky; it is one specific application of a general Christian duty. However, it is a specific application. The modern allergy to this word is a spiritual sickness. Submission here is not subjugation; it is a voluntary, intelligent ordering of oneself under the headship of another. It is an act of faith. Notice it is to their "own" husbands, not to men in general. This is about the covenantal structure of marriage. The phrase "as to the Lord" is the key that unlocks the whole business. Her submission to her husband is not a detour from her submission to Christ, but rather the very path of it. She honors her husband in this way because she is first honoring the Lord who designed marriage this way. It is an act of discipleship.

v. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

Here is the reason, the theological foundation for the command. It is grounded in a created and redemptive reality. The husband's headship is not a matter of superior competence, intelligence, or value. It is a matter of function, of office. It is a covenantal headship. Paul immediately defines what this headship looks like by pointing to Christ. Christ is the head of the church. How? By being its "Savior." This is a headship of sacrificial responsibility, not of domineering privilege. The husband's headship is a call to be a savior-in-miniature for his wife and family, to take the lead in protecting, providing for, and laying down his life for them. He is the one who is ultimately responsible before God for the well-being of his household. His headship is his burden to bear, not his club to wield.

v. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

The analogy is carried through with beautiful consistency. The Church's subjection to Christ is the model. Is the Church's subjection to Christ a grim, coerced affair? Is it a reluctant duty? By no means. It is her glory, her freedom, and her delight. In the same way, a wife's submission is to be her glory. The phrase "in everything" causes much consternation in our rebellious age, but it shouldn't. It simply means in every sphere of their shared life. It does not mean a husband can command his wife to sin; no human authority is absolute. The qualifier "as to the Lord" is always in effect. But within the vast realm of what is righteous, good, and lawful, her disposition is to be one of joyful and willing submission. This is the dance of the gospel played out in the home.

v. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

Now the apostle turns to the husbands, and the command he gives them is, if anything, even more demanding. The standard for a husband's love is nothing less than the cross of Jesus Christ. This is an agape love, a self-giving, sacrificial love. It is a love that does not wait for the wife to be lovely or deserving. Christ loved the Church when she was wretched, sinful, and rebellious. He "gave Himself up for her." This is the essence of masculine, covenantal headship. It is the constant, daily dying to self for the good of another. It is taking the initiative in forgiveness, in service, in bearing burdens. A husband is to be the chief repent-er and the chief servant in his home.

v. 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Here is the purpose of Christ's sacrificial love, and by extension, the purpose of a husband's love. It is redemptive. It is sanctifying. Christ's goal is the holiness of His bride. He washes her, cleanses her. The means He uses is the "washing of water with the word." This points to the whole ministry of the gospel, proclaimed and applied. For the husband, this means his love must be aimed at his wife's spiritual flourishing. He is to love her with the Word. He should be praying for her, reading Scripture with her, encouraging her in the Lord. His leadership is not just about paying the bills and fixing the faucet; it is fundamentally a spiritual charge.

v. 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.

This is the ultimate goal. Christ is preparing a bride for Himself. He is not just tidying her up a bit; He is making her perfect, glorious, without any blemish. This is the eschatological vision that should fuel a husband's love. He is participating, in his own small way, in this grand project. He is to love his wife with her future glory in view. He sees her not just as she is, but as she will be in Christ on the last day. This perspective transforms the daily grind of marriage into a glorious, God-honoring enterprise.

v. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

Paul now brings the high theological argument down to earth with a very practical analogy. A husband should love his wife as he loves his own body. This is not a call to narcissism, but a recognition of the one-flesh reality of marriage. In a profound sense, his wife is his own body. Therefore, to neglect her, to be harsh with her, is a form of self-mutilation. To love her is to love himself. It is enlightened self-interest in the best possible sense. The two are inextricably linked.

v. 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

He elaborates on the point. What does it mean to love your own body? You nourish it (feed it) and cherish it (keep it warm, protect it). These are tender, attentive words. This is what a husband's love should look like in practice: providing, protecting, warming, comforting. And lest we forget the central theme, he immediately brings it back to the archetype: this is precisely what Christ does for the Church. Our Lord nourishes and cherishes His people.

v. 30 because we are members of His body.

This is the foundation for Christ's care, and it deepens the analogy for marriage. The Church is not an external organization that Christ manages. We are organically, vitally connected to Him. We are His very members. In the same way, a wife is not just a partner or a roommate; she is, through the covenant of marriage, a member of her husband's body, one flesh with him.

v. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.

Paul quotes directly from Genesis 2:24, grounding his entire argument in the created order. This is not a new idea; it is God's design from the very beginning. The "leaving" signifies the creation of a new, primary loyalty. The "being joined" or "cleaving" speaks of a permanent, covenantal bond. And the result is "one flesh," a union so profound it creates a new single entity. This is the bedrock on which the whole edifice of marriage is built.

v. 32 This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Here, Paul pulls back the curtain entirely. He says that this one-flesh union, established at creation, was never just about a man and a woman. It was always a foreshadowing, a type, a "great mystery" pointing to a greater reality: the union between Christ and His redeemed people. Marriage was designed from the beginning to be a gospel drama. This is why getting marriage right is so important, and why the world's attempts to redefine it are so blasphemous. They are not just messing with a social custom; they are vandalizing an icon of Christ and the Church.

v. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Lest anyone get lost in the lofty theology, Paul brings it all back home with a final, summary exhortation. He boils it all down to two words: love and respect. The husband's primary duty is summarized as love, a self-sacrificing love like Christ's. The wife's primary duty is summarized as respect (the Greek word is phobeo, which can mean fear or reverence), a recognition of the headship God has established. These are not suggestions; they are commands. And they are not opposed to each other, but are the two essential ingredients for a marriage that displays the glory of the gospel.