The Gift of Singleness and the Grace of Marriage Text: 1 Corinthians 7:8-9
Introduction: A World Confused About Gifts
We live in a time of profound confusion, and nowhere is this confusion more rampant than in the realm of sexuality, singleness, and marriage. Our culture has managed to simultaneously idolize romantic love as the pinnacle of human existence while treating the institution of marriage as a disposable consumer product. At the same time, within the church, we have often swung between two opposite errors. We either treat marriage as the only acceptable station for a mature adult, making our unmarried brothers and sisters feel like they are in a perpetual holding pattern, or we react against this by creating a sentimental and unbiblical theology of the "gift of singleness" that can often feel like a condescending pat on the head.
The Corinthians were just as confused as we are, though their particular brand of confusion was different. Corinth was a city awash in sexual license, a major port city where you could find any kind of immorality you were looking for. In reaction to this, some in the church were swinging to the opposite extreme, advocating a kind of super-spiritual asceticism that looked down on marriage and physical intimacy as somehow less holy. Paul has to write into this mess to restore biblical sanity. He must correct both the libertines who think grace gives them a license to sin and the ascetics who think holiness requires them to reject God's good gifts.
What Paul gives us here is not a set of rigid regulations but a framework of godly wisdom. He is teaching us to think rightly about our station in life, whether married or single, and to see both as callings from God, to be lived out for His glory. He is not setting up a competition between marriage and singleness. Rather, he is explaining that God equips His people for different tasks in different seasons, and our job is to faithfully steward the gift and calling we have been given, not the one we wish we had.
In these two verses, Paul addresses the unmarried and widows directly, giving them clear, practical, and compassionate instruction. He elevates the calling of singleness without denigrating marriage, and he provides a gracious, common-sense remedy for those who are not equipped for a life of celibacy. This is not about finding your personal fulfillment; it is about ordering your life, including your powerful sexual desires, in a way that honors God and best enables you to serve Him without distraction.
The Text
But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
(1 Corinthians 7:8-9 LSB)
The Honorable Calling of Singleness (v. 8)
Paul begins by addressing those who are not currently married, which includes both those who have never been married and those who have been widowed.
"But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I." (1 Corinthians 7:8)
Paul presents his own life as an example. He was single, and he says that this state is "good." This is a crucial word. In a world, both ancient and modern, that often pities or suspects the unmarried, Paul affirms their state as a positive good. It is not a problem to be solved or a sign of deficiency. For those called to it, it is a strategic placement by the commanding officer of the church for the sake of the mission.
Why is it good? Paul explains elsewhere in this chapter that the unmarried person is free from the worldly cares and anxieties that necessarily come with marriage (1 Cor. 7:32-35). A married man is rightly concerned with how to please his wife, and a married woman with how to please her husband. These are good and godly concerns. But the unmarried person has the freedom, the gift, of undistracted devotion to the Lord. Paul's own apostolic ministry, with its constant travel, imprisonments, and hardships, would have been practically impossible with a wife and children in tow. His singleness was a gift from God that equipped him for his specific calling.
Now, we must be careful here. Paul is not saying singleness is inherently more holy than marriage. That is the error of asceticism. Marriage is the norm, established at creation, and it is a picture of Christ and the Church. But Paul is establishing that celibacy for the kingdom's sake is also a high and holy calling. It is a specific gift given to some, not all. As Paul says just a verse earlier, "each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another" (1 Cor. 7:7). The word for gift here is charisma, a grace-gift. This means that if God calls you to singleness, He provides the grace to live that calling faithfully and fruitfully. It is not a life of grim endurance but one of focused service.
So, the first thing we must do is honor this calling. We should not pressure every young person to marry as quickly as possible as though their life has not truly begun until they walk down the aisle. Nor should we create a culture where singles feel like spare parts. A healthy church is a family, and it has room for the married and the unmarried, recognizing that both are essential to the mission of the kingdom.
The Gracious Provision of Marriage (v. 9)
Having established the goodness of singleness for those gifted for it, Paul immediately provides the alternative for those who are not.
"But if they do not have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:9)
This is intensely practical. The gift of celibacy is not something you can will yourself into having. It is a grace from God. And the primary indicator of whether you have this gift is the presence or absence of "self-control" in this area. If a person finds themselves constantly besieged, distracted, and overwhelmed by sexual desire, that is not a sign of failure; it is a sign that they are not called to celibacy. It is an indicator light on the dashboard of the soul, pointing them toward marriage.
Notice the command: "let them marry." Marriage is not a consolation prize for the weak. It is God's ordained, holy, and righteous provision for human companionship, procreation, and the proper channeling of sexual desire. To be driven by sexual passion outside of marriage is to be in a state of spiritual peril. Therefore, marriage is the God-designed escape route. It is the safe harbor in a stormy sea.
The final clause is stark and clear: "for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." What does it mean to "burn"? This is not talking about the ordinary, fleeting temptations that all Christians face, whether married or single. The Greek word here, puroo, implies being inflamed, set on fire. It suggests a constant, consuming, and agonizing state of unfulfilled desire that makes fruitful Christian service impossible. It is a state of perpetual distraction. If your singleness is not freeing you for undistracted service to Christ, but is instead a constant source of torment and temptation that distracts you from Christ, then you do not have the gift of celibacy. In that case, Paul says, the path of wisdom is not to grit your teeth and pretend to be a spiritual giant, but to pursue marriage.
This is a profoundly gracious word. It frees people from a false sense of guilt. God made us sexual beings. That desire is not evil; it is powerful, and it was designed by God to be fulfilled within the covenant of marriage. To deny this and to try to live a celibate life without the corresponding gift of celibacy is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. It is an exhausting and ultimately futile effort. God's solution is not to tell you to push harder, but to provide the good gift of a spouse. Marriage is the God-appointed place for that beach ball to float.
Conclusion: Stewards of Our Station
So what is the takeaway for us? It is twofold. First, we must recover a biblical respect for the calling of singleness. We must see it not as a waiting room for marriage but as a strategic deployment for the kingdom. We must honor and support our single brothers and sisters, integrating them fully into the life of the church, which is our true family.
Second, we must recover a biblical respect for the power of sexual desire and the goodness of marriage as its proper home. We must stop treating marriage as merely a romantic ideal and see it for what it is: a foundational institution of human society, a covenantal picture of the gospel, and a gracious provision for our creaturely needs. For those who are burning with passion, the pursuit of a godly marriage is not a worldly distraction; it is an act of obedience. It is choosing God's remedy over the torment of a misapplied calling.
Whether you are married or single, your station is not an accident. It is a divine assignment. Your task is not to wish you were in a different platoon, but to fight faithfully from the post where God has placed you. For the single, this means stewarding your freedom for the sake of undistracted devotion to the Lord. For the married, it means stewarding your one-flesh union as a living picture of Christ's love for His church. Both are high callings. Both require grace. And both, when lived out in faith, bring glory to the God who gives every good and perfect gift.