The Ravished Heart: A Theology of Marital Delight Text: Song of Solomon 4:9-11
Introduction: Rescuing Romance from the Gutter
We live in a world that is simultaneously obsessed with and terrified of sex. Our culture treats it like a cheap commodity, a recreational activity, and a weapon for political and social revolution. It is everywhere and yet nowhere. It is plastered on every billboard and yet the true meaning of it, the covenantal glory of it, is almost entirely lost. The modern world has dragged romance and erotic love through the mud, leaving it cheapened, commercialized, and ultimately, joyless. They have tried to make it an egalitarian pleasuring party, and in so doing, have stripped it of its true power, which is found in authority and submission, in giving and receiving, in leading and following.
Into this confusion, the Song of Solomon speaks with a clarity and a passion that is frankly shocking to our neutered sensibilities. This is not a book to be spiritualized away into a bland allegory, as though God were somehow embarrassed by the material He inspired. This is a book about the love between a man and a woman, in all its physical, emotional, and spiritual intensity. And because it is about that, it is therefore also about the love between Christ and His Church. The one does not cancel the other out; rather, the earthly reality is a type, a picture, a blazing icon of the heavenly reality. Marriage is not the gospel, but it is a sermon about the gospel. And this passage is the high point of that sermon.
The apathetic Christian who blushes at this book and the leering pagan who smirks at it are making the same fundamental mistake. They both assume that the spiritual and the physical are at odds. They both labor under a Gnostic delusion that separates the body from the soul. But the Bible will have none of it. God made us as embodied souls, and He intends to redeem us, body and soul together. This means that the love, desire, and delight expressed in marriage are not distractions from our spiritual life; they are a central part of it. This passage is a divine celebration of a husband's captivated heart, and in it, we learn not only about the glory of marriage but also about the passionate, ravishing love of Christ for His bride.
The Text
"You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, With a single strand of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, And the fragrance of your oils Than all kinds of spices! Your lips, my bride, drip honey from the comb; Honey and milk are under your tongue, And the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon."
(Song of Solomon 4:9-11 LSB)
The Captivated Heart (v. 9)
The husband, Solomon, begins this section with a declaration of how his bride has utterly captivated him.
"You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, With a single strand of your necklace." (Song of Solomon 4:9)
The Hebrew for "made my heart beat faster" can be translated as "you have ravished my heart" or "you have stolen my heart." This is not the language of calm, dispassionate affection. This is the language of being overcome, of being conquered. And this is central to a biblical understanding of masculinity and femininity. The man is the one who initiates, who leads, who conquers, but here he confesses that he has been utterly conquered by his bride. This is the glorious paradox of covenantal love. In his strength, he is captured by her beauty and her willing submission to him.
He calls her "my sister, my bride." This is not incestuous, but rather a term of the deepest affection and equality. In the ancient world, it signified a relationship of peerless intimacy and friendship. She is not just his lover; she is his closest companion, his confidant. This dual title guards against two errors: the error of treating a wife as a mere sexual object (she is a sister, a peer) and the error of a sterile, platonic friendship (she is a bride, a lover). A godly marriage is both.
And what has so captured him? Two seemingly small things: "a single glance of your eyes" and "a single strand of your necklace." This is potent poetry. It is not some grand, ostentatious display that has undone him, but a simple, almost accidental, revelation of her beauty. A single glance from her is enough to set his heart racing. This speaks to the power of feminine receptivity. Her eyes are not predatory; they glance, and in that glance, he is taken. It is her response to his initiative that captivates him.
The "single strand of your necklace" points to her adornment. The Bible is not against beauty or adornment, despite what some prudes might say. It is against vain, worldly, or immodest adornment (1 Tim. 2:9-10; 1 Pet. 3:3-4). But here, her necklace is part of what makes her lovely to her husband. She has adorned herself for him, and he is ravished by it. This is a picture of the Church. The Church adorns herself not for the world, but for her husband, Christ. And Christ is captivated, not by our inherent worthiness, but by the beauty that He Himself has bestowed upon us, a beauty we display when we look to Him in faith.
The Superiority of Love (v. 10)
Next, Solomon moves from the effect of her beauty on him to an evaluation of her love itself, comparing it to the finest things in the created world.
"How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, And the fragrance of your oils Than all kinds of spices!" (Song of Solomon 4:10)
He exclaims, "How beautiful is your love!" The word here for love is plural, suggesting the many expressions and facets of her love for him. It is not a singular, abstract concept but a collection of countless acts of affection, respect, and desire. And he declares this love to be "better than wine." In Scripture, wine is a symbol of joy, celebration, and gladness of heart (Psalm 104:15). It is a gift from God that makes life sweet. But the husband says that the love of his wife is a greater joy, a more potent source of gladness, than even this great gift. To put it plainly, a good marriage is more fun than a party.
He then compares the "fragrance of your oils" to "all kinds of spices." Perfumes and spices were luxury items, symbols of wealth, pleasure, and delight. They engaged the senses and enriched life. But her love, the aroma of her presence and affection, surpasses them all. This is a radical reordering of values. The greatest created pleasures, the things that make the heart glad and delight the senses, all pale in comparison to the covenantal love between a husband and wife.
This is a direct reflection of the First and Great Commandment lived out in the covenant of marriage. Christ tells us that His love is our greatest treasure. The psalmist says, "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you" (Psalm 73:25). When a husband and wife find their ultimate delight in one another, they are imaging the very relationship that we are to have with God. Their love becomes a fragrant offering, not just to each other, but to the Lord Himself.
The Sweetness of Her Words and Presence (v. 11)
The final verse in this section continues the sensory exploration of his delight in her, focusing on her taste and her scent.
"Your lips, my bride, drip honey from the comb; Honey and milk are under your tongue, And the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon." (Song of Solomon 4:11)
Her lips "drip honey." This is not just about the sweetness of her kisses, though it certainly includes that. It is about the sweetness of her speech. Her words to him are nourishing, pleasant, and life-giving, like pure honey. Proverbs says that "gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body" (Proverbs 16:24). A godly wife builds her husband up with her words; she does not tear him down with nagging or contempt. Her speech is a source of profound delight to him.
Under her tongue are "honey and milk." This is the language of the Promised Land, a land "flowing with milk and honey" (Exodus 3:8). It was a land of immense blessing, fertility, and goodness. For the husband, his bride is his promised land. In her, he finds the fulfillment of God's richest blessings. She is his inheritance, his place of rest and provision. This is a staggering statement. The covenant of marriage is meant to be a foretaste of the new creation, a little plot of the Promised Land in the midst of a fallen world.
Finally, "the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon." Lebanon was famous for its magnificent cedar forests, which gave off a strong, pleasant, and enduring scent. Her very clothes carry an aroma that speaks of strength, beauty, and permanence. It means that her entire presence, everything about her, is a source of delight to him. This is not the cheap, fleeting scent of worldly allure, but the deep, abiding fragrance of a godly woman, a woman clothed in the "imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:4), which to her husband, smells like the forests of Lebanon.
The Gospel in the Song
As glorious as this picture of marital love is, it is but a shadow. It is a signpost pointing to a greater reality. This is the way Christ loves His church.
He calls the Church "my sister, my bride." We are His sisters because we are adopted by His Father, made co-heirs with Him (Romans 8:17). We are His bride, chosen by Him from before the foundation of the world to be united to Him forever (Ephesians 5:25-27). He is the great Bridegroom whose heart is ravished by His people.
But how can this be? We are not beautiful. We are sinful and broken. Yet, with a "single glance" of faith from our eyes, His heart is stirred. When we look to Him, trusting in His finished work, He is, in a manner of speaking, overcome with love for us. Our adornment is not our own righteousness, but the necklace of His imputed righteousness. He has clothed us in garments of salvation, and when the Father looks at us, He sees the beauty of His Son.
Our love for Him, imperfect as it is, is "better than wine" to Him. He delights in our stumbling obedience and our faltering praise more than all the treasures of the world. The fragrance of our prayers, offered in His name, is a sweet-smelling aroma to the Father (Revelation 5:8).
And He is preparing us to be His Promised Land. He puts honey on our lips, giving us a new song to sing. He places honey and milk under our tongue, nourishing us with His Word, so that we might become a land of blessing to the world. He clothes us with His own fragrant presence, so that we might carry the aroma of Christ everywhere we go (2 Corinthians 2:15).
This passage is a call to husbands to love their wives with this kind of passionate, articulate, and appreciative love. And it is a call to wives to cultivate a beauty that captivates and a love that is better than wine. But above all, it is a window into the heart of our Savior, the one whose heart beats faster for His people, and who will not rest until He brings His bride home, to a marriage feast where the wine will never run out.