The Sweet-Sounding Snare
Introduction: The Treachery of Smooth Words
The world is full of traps, and many of them are not the kind that snap shut on your ankle. The most dangerous snares are often the ones we walk into willingly, even gratefully. They are baited not with cheese, but with compliments. They are constructed not of steel, but of smooth, pleasing words. We live in an age that is terrified of offense and addicted to affirmation. We have cultivated a cultural sweet tooth for praise, and in so doing, we have made ourselves vulnerable to the oldest trick in the book: flattery.
The book of Proverbs is a book of applied theology for the street level. It is not interested in abstract platitudes; it gives us the hard-nosed wisdom necessary to navigate a world filled with fools, temptations, and hidden nets. And here, in this pithy little verse, the Holy Spirit gives us a crucial piece of spiritual intelligence. Flattery is not a social grace. It is not harmless schmoozing. It is warfare. It is the setting of a trap.
We must learn to distinguish between genuine, Christ-honoring encouragement and the saccharine poison of flattery. Encouragement is a grace; it builds up. Flattery is a manipulation; it entraps. Encouragement is selfless; it desires the good of the other person. Flattery is entirely selfish; it uses praise as a tool to get what it wants. One is the language of covenant faithfulness; the other is the native tongue of the serpent. And the man who cannot tell the difference is a man who will spend his life stumbling from one snare to the next, wondering why his feet are always getting tangled up.
This proverb is a warning to two kinds of people: the man who sets the trap, and the man who is the target. It warns the flatterer that his words are acts of aggression, and it warns the neighbor that he must be discerning, lest his own pride make him an easy victim.
The Text
A man who flatters his neighbor
Is spreading a net for his steps.
(Proverbs 29:5 LSB)
The Anatomy of Flattery
Let us break down the first clause:
"A man who flatters his neighbor..." (Proverbs 29:5a)
The key word here is "flatter." The Hebrew word carries the sense of smoothness, slipperiness. Think of a smooth stone that you cannot get a grip on, or a slippery path that offers no traction. This is the nature of flattery. It is insincere, excessive praise designed to gratify the vanity of another for the purpose of personal gain. It is the opposite of a faithful wound from a friend (Proverbs 27:6). A friend will tell you the truth, even when it stings, because he loves your soul. A flatterer will tell you what you want to hear because he loves himself and wants to use you as a stepping stone.
Notice that the object of the flattery is a "neighbor." This is not just some abstract transaction with a stranger. This is a perversion of relationship. The command of God is to love your neighbor as yourself. Flattery is a counterfeit of that love. It puts on the mask of love and admiration, but underneath it is the cold, calculating heart of a user. The adulterous woman in Proverbs uses flattery to lure the simple man to his doom (Proverbs 7:21). False teachers use flattery to deceive the hearts of the naive and build their own kingdoms (Romans 16:18). The man who would be king, Absalom, used flattery to steal the hearts of the men of Israel from his father David (2 Samuel 15:2-6). Flattery is the currency of rebels, seducers, and thieves.
So, what is the difference between flattery and legitimate praise? The difference is truth and motive. Praise is truthful and is offered for the benefit of the one being praised, to encourage them in righteousness. Flattery is, at its core, a lie, because its motive is corrupt. It is praise offered as a bribe. The flatterer is not admiring you; he is grooming you. He is not building you up; he is sizing you up. He sees the pride in your heart as a handle, and he is grabbing it in order to steer you where he wants you to go.
The Spreading of the Net
The second clause reveals the true nature and intent of this smooth speech.
"Is spreading a net for his steps." (Proverbs 29:5b)
This is a hunting metaphor. No one spreads a net for the good of the animal they are trying to catch. A net is for capture, for entanglement, for ruin. The flatterer is not a friend; he is a predator. His words are not gifts; they are tools of entrapment.
How does this work? How do smooth words become a net? First, for the one being flattered, the net is woven from his own pride. Flattery works because we are fallen. We have an innate desire to be thought well of, and our pride loves to be stroked. When someone tells us exactly what our vain heart wants to believe about ourselves, our discernment goes out the window. We lower our guard. We become pliable and suggestible. The man who tells you that you are the smartest person in the room is often the man who is about to pick your pocket. The sweet words lull the victim into a false sense of security, making him vulnerable to the real agenda that follows.
But there is a second sense in which a net is spread, and it is for the flatterer's own feet. Other translations render this "a net for his own feet." While the primary meaning seems to be a trap for the neighbor, it is a biblical principle that sin is a snare to the sinner. The man who lives by deceit and manipulation will eventually be caught in his own web of lies. As Proverbs 26:27 says, "Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling." The flatterer becomes known as a flatterer. His insincerity eventually stinks, and he loses all credibility. He weaves a net of lies so complex that he can no longer navigate it himself. The trap he sets for others ultimately springs on him.
The Christian Alternative: Faithful Wounds and Honest Praise
If flattery is a net, what is the biblical alternative? It is not a stoic refusal to ever say anything positive. The Scriptures are filled with exhortations to encourage one another, to build each other up, to give honor to whom honor is due. The Christian life is not meant to be a grim, compliment-free zone.
The alternative to the net of flattery is the strong, straight-backed speech of covenant love. This has two sides. On the one hand, it means being willing to give and receive rebuke. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy" (Proverbs 27:6). Love is willing to speak a hard truth for the sake of another's holiness. It takes courage to do this, and humility to receive it. The man who surrounds himself with flatterers is a man who is building a fortress against reality. He is ensuring that no one will ever tell him he is wrong. This is the path of the fool, and it ends in destruction.
On the other hand, it means giving praise that is both true and truly edifying. When Paul commends the churches, he is specific. He thanks God for their faith, their love, their perseverance in the face of trial (1 Thessalonians 1:2-3). His praise is not vague buttering-up; it is a specific acknowledgment of God's grace at work in them, designed to spur them on to further faithfulness. This kind of encouragement is a means of grace. It is water for a thirsty soul. Flattery is poison in a sweet cup.
Conclusion: Fearing God, Not Man
At the root of both the giving and receiving of flattery is the fear of man. The flatterer fears man; he wants something from him, so he uses insincere praise to get it. He does not fear God, who hates a lying tongue. The one who loves to be flattered also fears man; he derives his sense of worth and security from the opinions of others. He does not fear God, who resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.
The fear of man truly is a snare (Proverbs 29:25), and flattery is one of the primary ways that snare is set. The way to avoid this trap is to cultivate the fear of the Lord. When you are secure in your identity in Christ, you do not need the cloying approval of men. You are a son of the King, justified freely by His grace. You are a sinner, yes, but a forgiven sinner. You have nothing to prove. Therefore, you are free from the desperate need for affirmation that makes a man easy prey for the flatterer.
And when you fear God, you will not use flattery on others. You will love them enough to tell them the truth. You will speak words that build up, not entrap. You will see your neighbor not as a tool to be manipulated for your own ends, but as an image-bearer of God to be loved and served in truth.
So let us be men and women of the truth. Let us ask God to give us sharp discernment to recognize the smooth-tongued hunter and the humility to reject his bait. And let us ask for the courage to speak truth in love, offering the genuine encouragement that builds the saints and the faithful wounds that protect them from folly. Let our speech be seasoned with salt, not sugar. For in the economy of God, it is truth, not flattery, that sets men free.