Bird's-eye view
This proverb delivers a sharp and practical warning about a common but deadly form of verbal sin: flattery. At first glance, flattery might seem like a harmless, even pleasant, social lubricant. But Scripture consistently treats it as a form of deceit with destructive intent. This verse unmasks the flatterer, revealing him not as a friend, but as a hunter. His smooth words are not cushions but camouflage for a trap. The central theme is the treacherous nature of insincere praise. It is a lie dressed up in the robes of affirmation, and its purpose is to ensnare the person being flattered, making them vulnerable to manipulation, pride, or some other form of ruin. The proverb teaches us to be discerning about the words we receive and to be honest with the words we give, recognizing that true love speaks the truth, even when it is hard, while flattery lays a net for the soul.
The wisdom here is intensely practical for navigating all human relationships. It forces us to look past the surface of pleasantries and to evaluate the character and intent behind the words. For the flatterer, the goal is always self-serving; he butters you up in order to get something from you, whether it is your trust, your money, or your compliance. For the one being flattered, the danger is that the praise appeals to our native pride, causing us to lower our guard and walk straight into the trap. The ultimate foundation for resisting both the giving and receiving of flattery is a deep satisfaction in the approval of God, which frees us from a craving for the insincere praise of men.
Outline
- 1. The Hunter and His Bait (Prov 29:5)
- a. The Action: Deceptive Praise (Prov 29:5a)
- b. The Motive: Setting a Trap (Prov 29:5b)
Context In Proverbs
The book of Proverbs is relentlessly concerned with the power of the tongue. Words can build up or tear down, bring life or death (Prov 18:21). This particular proverb fits within a broader collection of warnings against various forms of corrupt speech. It stands alongside condemnations of gossip (Prov 20:19), lying (Prov 12:22), and contentious words (Prov 26:21). Specifically, flattery is often linked with other sins of deceit. For example, Proverbs 20:19 connects the flatterer with the talebearer, showing that flattery is a tool used to extract secrets that can then be used as gossip. Proverbs 26:28 says, "A lying tongue hates those it crushes, and a flattering mouth works ruin." The context makes it clear that flattery is not a minor peccadillo; it is a destructive force. It is a form of lying that weaponizes praise for selfish ends, and in the moral universe of Proverbs, such deceit always leads to ruin, both for the deceiver and the deceived.
Key Issues
- The Definition of Flattery vs. Genuine Encouragement
- The Self-Serving Motives of the Flatterer
- The Danger of Pride in Receiving Flattery
- The Relationship Between Flattery and Other Sins of the Tongue
- The Nature of the "Net" or Snare
The Sweet-Sounding Snare
We live in a therapeutic age that is terrified of giving offense and addicted to affirmation. In such a climate, a proverb like this lands with a particular jolt. We have been conditioned to think that saying nice things is always a virtue. But the wisdom of God is more discerning than that. It teaches us to distinguish between honest encouragement, which is a grace, and flattery, which is a trap. The difference lies not in the pleasantness of the words, but in their truthfulness and their intent.
Encouragement is telling someone the truth about the grace of God in their life in order to build them up. Flattery is telling someone what they want to hear about themselves in order to manipulate them. Encouragement is selfless; flattery is entirely selfish. The flatterer is not concerned with the well-being of his neighbor at all. His neighbor is simply a mark. The words are the bait, and the trap is the hidden agenda. This proverb is a call to a rugged honesty in our speech and a healthy skepticism toward words that appeal only to our vanity. It reminds us that in a fallen world, not everything that sounds good is good for you. Sometimes the sweetest words conceal the sharpest teeth.
Verse by Verse Commentary
5 A man who flatters his neighbor...
The verse begins by identifying the culprit and his action. The man is a flatterer. The Hebrew word here implies smoothness, as in smooth, slippery speech. It is the kind of talk that goes down easy. And notice the target: his neighbor. This is not some abstract sin; it happens in the context of relationship. It could be a coworker, a fellow church member, a friend, or a family member. Flattery works best when there is a pretense of friendship or goodwill. It is a betrayal disguised as a kindness.
What is he doing? He is speaking words of praise that are either untrue or exaggerated, and he is doing so with a self-serving motive. He might praise your wisdom right before he asks for a foolish loan. He might praise your generosity right before he tries to fleece you. He might praise your spiritual maturity right before he tempts you to sin. The flattery is the setup. It is designed to make you feel good about yourself, and therefore good about the flatterer, so that your critical faculties are disarmed. You begin to think that a person with such fine judgment about your excellent qualities must be trustworthy. This is the sin in action; it is the baiting of the trap.
Is spreading a net for his steps.
This second clause reveals the true intention behind the smooth words. He is not building a pedestal for you; he is spreading a net. The image is that of a fowler, a hunter of birds. The net is laid on the ground, perhaps lightly covered with leaves, with bait scattered over it. The bird, seeing only the bait, lands to eat and becomes entangled. The flatterer does the same for a man's steps, for his path. The goal is to make you stumble, to trip you up, to catch you.
How does this work? The net of flattery can catch a man in several ways. First, it ensnares him in pride. When you start to believe the flatterer's press about yourself, you become puffed up, arrogant, and blind to your own faults. A proud man is always just a few steps away from a fall (Prov 16:18). Second, it can ensnare him in foolish decisions. Charmed by the flatterer's words, you might enter into a bad business deal, or confide in a treacherous person, or endorse a foolish idea. Third, it can ensnare you in the flatterer's own sin. You become an accomplice to his schemes because you have been softened up by his praise. The net is a real and present danger. The smooth words are not a gift; they are an act of hostility. The flatterer is your enemy, pretending to be your greatest admirer.
Application
This proverb has two sharp edges, one for our ears and one for our mouths. First, we must learn to guard our ears. We are all susceptible to flattery because we all have a deep-seated desire to be thought well of. Pride is our native language. Therefore, when someone lays on the praise a little too thick, a little alarm should go off in our hearts. We should ask ourselves, "Is this true? And why is this person telling me this right now?" We should cultivate a love for the honest rebuke of a true friend over the cloying sweetness of a flatterer (Prov 27:6). The ultimate defense against flattery is to be so grounded in our identity in Christ that the opinions of men lose their power over us. When we know we are sinners saved by grace, justified freely by God, we are not desperate for the ego-stroking of manipulators.
Second, we must guard our mouths. We must be men and women who speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15). This means we should be generous with genuine encouragement. When you see the grace of God at work in someone, say so. Point it out. Give thanks to God for it. But we must repent of all flattery. We must not use praise as a tool to get what we want. We must not soften people up with insincere compliments in order to make a sale, or win an argument, or gain an advantage. This requires a heart that trusts in God to provide for our needs, rather than relying on our own clever deceptions. A man of integrity is a man whose praise is rare but valuable, because it is always true. Let us be those kinds of people, who love our neighbors enough not to spread a net for their feet, but rather to help clear the path before them.