Commentary - Proverbs 28:23

Bird's-eye view

Proverbs 28:23 gives us a potent piece of wisdom that cuts directly against the grain of our modern sensibilities. We live in an age that prizes smooth surfaces, frictionless interactions, and the avoidance of offense at all costs. Politeness has been elevated to the chief of virtues, but it is a particular kind of politeness, one that often morphs into the greasy sin of flattery. This proverb sets up a sharp contrast between two ways of speaking, the reproof and the flattery, and it measures them by their outcomes. One path leads to favor, and the other is a dead end. The wisdom here is not just about effective communication; it is about love, truth, and the very nature of how God deals with His people.

The man who reproves is the man who is willing to tell the truth, even when it stings. The man who flatters is the one who tells you what you want to hear, regardless of whether it is true. Our natural, fallen inclination is to prefer the flatterer. His words are like candy. The reproof, on the other hand, is like medicine. The candy is sweet in the mouth but brings decay. The medicine is bitter, but it brings health. This proverb tells us that, in the long run, people come to appreciate the medicine more than the candy. This is a truth that plays out in our relationships, in the church, and most foundationally, in our relationship with God, who disciplines those He loves.

Outline

Context In Proverbs

This proverb does not stand alone. The book of Proverbs is filled with warnings about the dangers of the tongue, particularly the flattering tongue. "A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet" (Prov. 29:5). "A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin" (Prov. 26:28). Flattery is presented not as a minor social grace, but as a destructive and hateful act. It is a form of lying, and it sets traps. In contrast, honest reproof, when given and received rightly, is a mark of true friendship and leads to honor. "Poverty and shame will be to him that refuseth instruction: But he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured" (Prov. 13:18). This verse is part of a larger biblical ethic that values truth over comfort, and genuine love over superficial pleasantries.

Key Issues

Verse-by-Verse Commentary

23 He who reproves a man will afterward find more favor...

Let's break this down. The action is "reproving a man." This is not the same as picking a fight, being cantankerous, or having a critical spirit. Biblical reproof is a careful, truthful, and loving correction. It is aimed at the good of the other person. Think of what Paul says in Galatians: "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness" (Gal. 6:1). This is not undertaken lightly. It requires courage, because the initial reaction is almost never pleasant. The word "afterward" is crucial here. There is an advantage that straight talk has over fawning and flattering talk, but it is a slow growth advantage. The favor does not come immediately. At the moment the reproof is delivered, you are not likely to be the most popular man in the room. But truth, like a sturdy oak, takes time to grow, and its roots go deep. When the emotions of the moment have passed, and the truth of the reproof has had time to work, the wise man will recognize the value of what he has received. He will see that the one who reproved him was a truer friend than the one who coddled him in his sin.

...Than he who flatters with the tongue.

Here is the contrast. Flattery is all about immediate gratification, for both the flatterer and the flattered. The flatterer wants to be liked, to gain influence, or to avoid a difficult conversation. The flattered man has his ego stroked and his folly affirmed. The instrument is the tongue, and the flattery is slick, smooth, and ultimately, empty. It is a counterfeit currency. It looks like friendship, it sounds like affirmation, but it is a lie. The flatterer is not your friend; he is using you. He is spreading a net for your feet. He is telling you that the poison you are drinking is actually good for you. In the moment, his words are sweet. But "afterward," when the consequences of the folly come due, the flatterer is nowhere to be found, and his words are revealed as the worthless trinkets they are. The favor he seemed to enjoy was a vapor. It disappears when reality hits.

The ultimate flatterer is the devil, who whispered to our first parents, "You will not surely die." He told them what they wanted to hear, and his flattery worked ruin for the entire human race. Every sin has a bit of self flattery at its root. We tell ourselves that this time it will be different, that the consequences won't apply to us, that we are the exception. We flatter ourselves into the pit.

The gospel, in this light, begins with a severe reproof. The law comes to us and says, "You are a sinner. You are dead in your trespasses. You are under the wrath of God." This is not flattering. It is a sharp, painful, two edged sword. It cuts us to the heart. But this reproof is the necessary surgery that prepares us for the cure. Only the man who has heard and accepted the law's reproof can truly hear the sweet words of the gospel: "Your sins are forgiven. Christ died for you. You are reconciled to God." And in that gospel, we find the ultimate favor. Not the fleeting favor of a man who was lied to, but the everlasting favor of a holy God who has, in Christ, looked upon us with grace. He told us the truth about our condition so that He could give us the truth of His salvation. And for that, we will be grateful to Him, not just "afterward," but for all eternity.

Key Words

Reproof

The Hebrew word for reprove (yakach) has a strong legal flavor. It means to argue, to convince, to judge, to correct. It is not simply offering a differing opinion. It carries the weight of an authoritative declaration of what is right. When God reproves, He is setting the record straight. When we are called to reprove one another, we are to do so on the basis of God's revealed standard, not our personal preferences. It is a judicial act in the best sense, aimed at restoration and righteousness.

Flattery

The Hebrew here (chalaq) literally means to be smooth or slippery. It paints a picture of words that have no traction, no substance. They are designed to make the listener slip, either into a state of self-deception or into a trap set by the flatterer. It is the opposite of the firm foundation of truth. Paul warns against those who "by smooth talk and flattery deceive the hearts of the naive" (Rom. 16:18). It is the language of deception, not love.

Application

So what do we do with this? First, we must learn to receive a rebuke. When a brother or sister comes to us with a hard word, our first reaction should not be defensive. It should be to ask, "Is this true?" We should pray for the grace to see the reproof as a kindness, as "excellent oil" that will not break our heads (Psalm 141:5). A willingness to be corrected is a mark of wisdom and humility. The man who cannot be told he is wrong is a man who is determined to stay wrong.

Second, we must learn to give a rebuke. This is not a task for the faint of heart, and it should never be done with a spirit of pride or superiority. It must be done in love, with the goal of restoration. We must speak the truth, but we must speak it in love (Eph. 4:15). We must be willing to risk the immediate discomfort for the sake of the "afterward" favor and the good of our brother. To see a brother walking toward a cliff and say nothing, for fear of offending him, is not love. It is cowardice.

Finally, we must ground all of this in the gospel. We can receive reproof because we know that in Christ, our ultimate standing is secure. Our justification does not rest on our flawless performance. We can afford to admit we are wrong. And we can give reproof because we know what is at stake. We are not just trying to modify behavior; we are calling people back to the path of life, the path that was secured for us by the blood of Christ. He endured the ultimate reproof of God on the cross so that we might enjoy the ultimate favor of God forever.