The Godly Abrasive: On Sharpening Men Text: Proverbs 27:17
Introduction: The Age of Smooth Stones
We live in an age that prizes smoothness above all else. Our therapeutic culture wants relationships without friction, community without confrontation, and fellowship without sparks. We want to be like river stones, tumbled by the currents of affirmation and tolerance until all our jagged edges are worn away, and we can all nestle together in a comfortable, uniform blandness. The highest virtue is being nice. The greatest sin is giving offense.
But the apathetic tranquility of the modern world, and sadly, of the modern church, is not the peace of God. It is the peace of the tomb. It is a refusal to engage in the very process that God has ordained for our growth, our sanctification, and our maturity. God does not call us to be smooth stones. He calls us to be sharp swords. A sword that has lost its edge is nothing more than a misshapen club. It is useless in the hands of the warrior. And we are in a war.
The world is not a gentle stream designed to soothe us. It is a battlefield. And on this battlefield, dull swords are a liability. A man who cannot hold an edge is a danger to himself and to those he is charged to protect. This is true in his own fight against sin, in his leadership of his family, and in his service to the church. And so God, in His wisdom, has given us the means of sharpening. He has given us each other.
This proverb is a direct assault on the modern cult of niceness. It is a call to a robust, masculine, and sometimes abrasive form of fellowship. It tells us that true friendship, true brotherhood, is not found in avoiding conflict, but in engaging it for the purpose of mutual refinement. The sparks that fly when two godly men collide are not a sign that something is wrong; they are a sign that the sharpening process is working.
The Text
Iron sharpens iron,
So one man sharpens another.
(Proverbs 27:17 LSB)
The Metallurgy of Sanctification
Let us first consider the metaphor itself:
"Iron sharpens iron..." (Proverbs 27:17a)
This is a simple, observable fact from the ancient world. To put a keen edge on an iron blade, you need something as hard or harder than the blade itself. You could use a whetstone, of course, but another piece of iron, like a file, works exceptionally well. The process is not gentle. It is noisy. It involves friction, pressure, and the stripping away of material. You cannot sharpen a blade by stroking it with a feather or polishing it with a silk cloth. You must grind it. You must apply a controlled violence to it.
Notice the material. It is iron sharpening iron. Not iron sharpening clay. Not iron sharpening wood. For this process to work, the two objects must be of the same substance and similar hardness. This is a picture of fellowship among peers. While there is certainly a place for the wisdom of an older man to shape a younger man, this proverb is speaking of the mutual sharpening that happens between equals. It is the back and forth, the challenge and response, that hones the edge.
This metaphor teaches us several crucial things about godly relationships. First, sanctification is a community project. The Lone Ranger Christian is a myth. We are not meant to grow in isolation. God has designed the church so that we are instruments in His hands for the shaping of one another. Second, this shaping process is often uncomfortable. If you are in a relationship where you are never challenged, never corrected, never called out, then you are not being sharpened. You are being coddled. The purpose of this friction is not to wound, but to make more effective. The goal is a sharper edge, fit for the Master's use.
The world sees this friction and calls it toxic. They see the sparks and cry "conflict!" But the Christian understands that this is the forge of character. We should not be afraid of the sparks. We should be afraid of the rust that accumulates in isolation and inactivity. A blade left in its sheath will grow dull and pitted all on its own. It is in the clash of ideas, the rebuke of a friend, and the honest confrontation over sin that the rust of our pride, laziness, and folly is scraped away.
The Personal Application
The proverb then moves from the metaphor to the direct application.
"...So one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17b LSB)
The Hebrew here is literally, "so a man sharpens the face of his friend." The "face" represents the whole person, his countenance, his very presence and character. This is not about sharpening wits for a debate club. This is about honing a man's entire being. It is about making him a better man, a godlier man, a more effective servant of Christ.
How does this happen practically? It happens through conversation that matters. It happens when men talk about theology, not just the weather. It happens when they discuss their duties as husbands and fathers, not just their hobbies. It happens when one friend has the courage to ask another, "How is your soul? How is your fight with sin going? Are you leading your family in worship?"
This sharpening happens through accountability. Not the flimsy, modern kind where we just check in and affirm each other's feelings, but real accountability, where we give one another permission to speak hard truths. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy" (Proverbs 27:6). A true friend is willing to risk the friendship for the sake of his brother's soul. He is willing to wound, to cut away the gangrenous flesh of sin, in order to bring healing. The man who only ever tells you what you want to hear is not your friend; he is your flatterer, and he is helping you on your way to destruction.
This sharpening also happens through encouragement and exhortation. It is not all negative. When one man sees the grace of God at work in another, he should name it and praise God for it. This is part of the sharpening. It is holding up a clear picture of what God is doing, which encourages the other man to press on. It is reminding him of the promises of God when he is discouraged. It is the intellectual and spiritual sparring that forces us to know what we believe and why we believe it. When your convictions are challenged by a brother, you are forced to go back to the Word, to dig deeper, to forge a stronger, more resilient faith.
Our Aversion to the Grindstone
If this is God's ordained method for our growth, why do we avoid it like the plague? We avoid it because we are proud. We do not like to be corrected. Our pride bristles at the suggestion that we might be wrong, or that we might have a significant flaw. We would rather remain dull than submit to the humbling process of being sharpened by another.
We also avoid it because we are cowards. We are afraid of awkward conversations. We fear losing a friendship if we speak a hard word. We tell ourselves it is more "loving" to keep silent, but what we are really doing is loving our own comfort more than our brother's holiness. We are choosing the deceitful kiss of an enemy over the faithful wound of a friend. This is a failure to love. Speaking the truth in love means you must speak the truth. Love without truth is sentimentality. Truth without love is brutality. But the Christian is called to both.
And finally, we avoid it because we have a wrong view of the church. We see the church as a hospital for sinners, which is true in one sense. But we have come to think of it as a hospice, where we are all just supposed to make each other comfortable as we die. But the church is not a hospice; it is an armory. It is a training ground, a gymnasium. It is the place where soldiers are equipped for battle. And a soldier with a dull sword is a useless soldier.
Conclusion: The Call to Courageous Fellowship
This proverb is not a suggestion. It is a description of reality and a command to participate in it. We have a duty to sharpen and to be sharpened. This means you must actively seek out relationships with other godly men who will not let you be comfortable in your sin or your stupidity. You must find men who love Christ and His Word more than they love your approval.
And you must be that man for others. You must pray for the courage to speak the truth in love, to ask the hard questions, to offer the necessary rebuke. You must be willing to have the sparks fly. You must be willing to be the iron file that God uses to put an edge on your brother.
This is messy. It requires humility, courage, and a deep-seated trust in the grace of God. But it is the only way to maturity. The world offers us the false peace of isolation and affirmation. Christ offers us the true peace that comes through the conflict of sanctification. He calls us into a brotherhood of iron, where, by the grace of God, we are sharpened for His glory and for the battles that lie ahead. Let us therefore take up this calling, for our own sakes, for the sake of our families, for the sake of the church, and for the glory of the God who has called us to be soldiers.