The Geography of Loyalty: Friendship That Lasts Text: Proverbs 27:9-10
Introduction: The Disposable Friend
We live in an age that has perfected the art of the disposable relationship. Our world is filled with digital ghosts, a thousand "friends" on a screen, and yet men are lonelier than they have ever been. We have mistaken connection for communion, and followers for friends. Expressive individualism has taught us that relationships are for self-fulfillment, and when they cease to fulfill, we are to discard them like last year's phone. We treat friendships as consumer goods, to be kept as long as they are useful and entertaining, and then traded in for a newer model. Loyalty is seen as a quaint, but ultimately impractical, virtue from a bygone era.
Into this shallow and shifting landscape, the book of Proverbs speaks with a granite-like solidity. The wisdom of God is not interested in our therapeutic platitudes about "self-care" that often just mean "self-ishness." It is interested in building things that last. It is interested in covenant. It is interested in friendships that can weather a storm, that can be passed down to our children, and that are grounded not in fleeting sentiment, but in shared faithfulness to the living God.
The wisdom here is intensely practical. It is earthy. It deals with smells, and neighbors, and what to do when your life falls apart. It is about the geography of loyalty. It teaches us that true friendship is a tangible thing, a present help, a sweet counsel. It is not an abstract idea but a person who lives nearby. In these two verses, Solomon gives us a profound lesson on the nature of true fellowship, the importance of steadfastness, and the practical necessity of a close-knit community. This is wisdom for building a civilization, one friendship at a time.
The Text
Oil and incense make the heart glad,
So counsel from the soul is sweet to his friend.
Do not forsake your friend or your father’s friend,
And do not come to your brother’s house in the day of your disaster;
Better is one who dwells near than a brother far away.
(Proverbs 27:9-10 LSB)
The Aroma of True Counsel (v. 9)
We begin with the sweetness of real friendship.
"Oil and incense make the heart glad, So counsel from the soul is sweet to his friend." (Proverbs 27:9)
The proverb begins with the senses. Oil and incense. In the ancient world, these were not just pleasantries; they were tokens of honor, joy, and celebration. Oil soothed the skin in a dry climate; it was a sign of festivity and abundance. Incense filled a room with a pleasing aroma, a mark of hospitality and worship. These things are tangible. They affect you. They make the heart glad. God is not a Gnostic; He made the material world and called it good, and He gave us things like pleasant smells to rejoice our hearts.
And Solomon says that just as these tangible things bring gladness, so does "counsel from the soul" to a friend. This is a direct parallel. This means that godly counsel is not a bitter medicine you have to choke down. It is sweet. It is a delight. But notice the source: it is "from the soul." The Hebrew speaks of hearty counsel. This is not superficial advice. It is not the kind of cheap talk you get from a self-help guru or a talk show host. This is counsel that comes from the very being of a person who is covenanted to you in friendship. It comes from someone who knows you, who has skin in the game with you, who rejoices when you rejoice and weeps when you weep.
This kind of counsel is sweet even when it is hard. Proverbs tells us that "faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy" (Prov. 27:6). A true friend will tell you the truth, even when it stings, because his aim is your holiness, not your immediate comfort. And because it comes from a heart of love, from a soul knit to yours, it is received as sweet. It is the sweetness of truth, the sweetness of genuine care. This is the opposite of flattery, which is all sugar on the surface but poison underneath. Hearty counsel is the nourishing food that builds you up in the faith.
The Permanence of Proximity (v. 10)
Verse 10 then builds on this foundation of genuine friendship by teaching us about its permanence and its practicality.
"Do not forsake your friend or your father’s friend, And do not come to your brother’s house in the day of your disaster; Better is one who dwells near than a brother far away." (Proverbs 27:10 LSB)
The first command is a call to covenantal loyalty. "Do not forsake your friend." This is a direct assault on our modern disposable mentality. A friend is not a piece of equipment. A friendship is a bond, a commitment. But then he adds, "or your father's friend." This is generational faithfulness. This points to a kind of social fabric that we have almost entirely lost. This is a world where friendships are so durable that they are passed down as an inheritance. You have a duty not just to the friends you made, but to the alliances your father forged. This assumes a stable, rooted community where such long-term relationships are even possible. It is a call to honor the past and to build for the future.
Then comes the startling, practical advice for a day of disaster. Do not go to your brother's house. Why not? Is this a command to dishonor family? Not at all. The Bible is filled with commands to honor and care for one's own kin. The key is in the final clause: "Better is one who dwells near than a brother far away."
This is not a comparison of the value of the person, but the value of their location. When your roof is leaking in a thunderstorm, you need a neighbor with a tarp right now. Your brother who is a master roofer but lives two hundred miles away can offer sympathy on the phone, but he cannot stop the rain from coming into your house. The proverb is teaching us the profound importance of proximity. God has created us as embodied beings who live in specific places. And therefore, our primary bonds of community must be local.
This is a direct rebuke to the disembodied "community" of the internet. It is a call for Christians to be intentional about where they live. It is a call to build thick, robust, local churches and neighborhoods. Who are your neighbors? Who is the friend that can be at your house in five minutes when calamity strikes? This is the geography of loyalty. Our duties are to those God has placed near us. A functioning Christian community is not a rolodex of contacts spread across the country; it is a band of brothers and sisters who live life together, in the same place, sharing meals, bearing burdens, and showing up when disaster strikes.
The Friend Who Is Near
As with all true wisdom, this proverb finds its ultimate fulfillment in the person and work of Jesus Christ. He is the friend who is better than a brother, the one who sticks closer than any other (Prov. 18:24).
In the day of our ultimate disaster, when we were ruined by sin and under the just wrath of God, our own brethren, humanity, could not help us. We were lost and far away. But Christ did not remain a "brother far away." The eternal Son of God became our neighbor. He "dwelt among us" (John 1:14). He came near. He moved into the neighborhood in the incarnation to rescue us in our calamity.
He is the one whose counsel is truly from the soul, sweet to the heart. His words are spirit and life. He speaks the truth in love, and His words heal and restore. And He is the friend we must never forsake. He is our father's friend, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the covenant-keeping God of our fathers. To forsake Him is to forsake life itself.
And now, He has given us His body, the Church, to be the living embodiment of this proverb. The church is to be a community of near-dwellers. We are to be a people who do not forsake one another, who offer the sweet counsel of God's Word, and who show up in the day of disaster. We are to be the tangible, local, present help to one another, reflecting the grace of our Savior who drew near to us.
So, look around you. Cultivate the friendships God has given you in this place. Be the kind of friend whose counsel is sweet. Be the neighbor who is better than a brother far away. Build the kind of loyalty that your children will inherit. In doing so, you are not just following wise advice; you are living out the gospel. You are showing the world the love of the great Friend who left His celestial home to become our neighbor and our salvation.