Bird's-eye view
This proverb sets before us a sharp and necessary antithesis that is foundational to all genuine fellowship. It teaches us to distinguish between two kinds of pain and two kinds of pleasure. The first kind of pain, the "wounds of a friend," is a constructive, healing, and faithful pain. It is the surgeon's scalpel, not the mugger's knife. The second kind of pleasure, the "kisses of an enemy," is a destructive, cloying, and deceitful pleasure. It is the kiss of Judas, not the kiss of a bride. The wisdom here is to learn how to receive the former with gratitude and how to discern and reject the latter with prejudice. This proverb is a call to value loyalty over flattery, and truth over transient comfort. It is a foundational text for understanding the nature of covenant community, where members are committed to one another's sanctification, even when it requires the painful medicine of rebuke.
In a world that prizes affirmation above all else, and which defines love as the unqualified acceptance of every feeling and impulse, this proverb is a bucket of cold water. It reminds us that true love is rugged. True love is concerned with the eternal good of the other person, not with their immediate emotional comfort. An enemy will flatter you on your way to hell. A friend will grab you by the collar, even if it hurts, to stop you from taking another step in that direction. This is a proverb that tests the quality of our friendships and the condition of our own hearts. Can we give such a wound? And, just as importantly, can we receive one?
Outline
- 1. The Paradox of Pain and Pleasure (Prov 27:6)
- a. The Faithful Pain of a Friend (Prov 27:6a)
- b. The Deceitful Pleasure of an Enemy (Prov 27:6b)
Context In Proverbs
Proverbs 27 is a collection of sayings that largely deal with relationships, community, and the practical wisdom needed to navigate them. This chapter touches on the folly of boasting about tomorrow (v. 1), the value of being praised by another rather than yourself (v. 2), the burdens of foolishness (v. 3), and the destructive nature of envy (v. 4). The surrounding verses provide a rich soil for our text. Verse 5 says, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love," which is a direct parallel to the first half of our verse. Verse 9 says, "Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel." This shows the positive side of friendship. And of course, verse 17 famously states, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:6 fits perfectly within this cluster, providing the central, crucial distinction between friends who sharpen and enemies who dull, between friends who give earnest counsel and enemies who offer sweet poison.
Key Issues
- The Nature of Covenant Friendship
- The Necessity of Rebuke and Correction
- Discerning Flattery from True Affection
- The Relationship between Truth and Love
- Humility in Receiving Correction
The Surgery of Friendship
We live in a soft age, an age that has confused love with sentimentality. To the modern mind, love is a soft pillow, a perpetual affirmation, a safe space where nothing challenging is ever said. But biblical love, covenantal love, is made of sterner stuff. It is not less affectionate, but its affections are aimed at a much higher goal than immediate comfort. Its goal is the holiness and ultimate joy of the beloved. And because we are sinners, fallen and prone to self-deception, the path to holiness is often paved with painful truths.
This is why the proverb uses the startling metaphor of "wounds." It is a medical metaphor. When a surgeon cuts into a patient, he is inflicting a wound. It is painful, it is bloody, and it is damaging to the tissue. But his intent is not malicious; it is curative. He wounds in order to heal. He cuts out the cancer to save the life. A friend, a true Christian friend, is sometimes called by God to be that surgeon. He sees the cancer of a particular sin, a ruinous habit, a foolish path, and because he is faithful, he takes up the scalpel of God's Word and makes a careful, painful incision. This is not the action of an enemy. The enemy is the one who sees the cancer and says, "You look wonderful today. That pallor really suits you."
Verse by Verse Commentary
6a Faithful are the wounds of a friend...
The key word here is faithful. The Hebrew word speaks of that which is firm, trustworthy, and reliable. It is the word from which we get our "Amen." This means the wounds are not random, not capricious, not the result of a bad temper. They are grounded in a stable, covenantal commitment. A true friend has your back, and because he has your back, he will not stab you in it. But he will, when necessary, confront you to your face. These wounds are faithful because they are motivated by love and aimed at your good. They are delivered in accordance with a higher loyalty, which is faithfulness to God and His standard. It is an act of profound loyalty to tell a friend something he does not want to hear, but desperately needs to hear. It risks the friendship for the sake of the friend. This is the opposite of the fair-weather friend, who is only around for the good times and who would never say anything that might rock the boat. The faithful friend is willing to rock the boat to keep you from sailing over a waterfall.
6b But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
Here is the contrast. The word translated deceitful can also mean "profuse" or "multiplied." The kisses of an enemy are abundant. They are cheap. Flattery costs the flatterer nothing, which is why he is so generous with it. Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss, the ultimate sign of affection, and in so doing revealed himself as the ultimate enemy. An enemy's affections are a mask. He uses the language of love to accomplish the purposes of hatred. He kisses you to get you to lower your guard. He affirms you in your sin because he delights in the prospect of your ruin. His praise is poison. His compliments are a snare. While the friend's wound is designed to bring you to repentance and life, the enemy's kiss is designed to confirm you in your folly and usher you toward destruction. The world is full of such people. They are the enablers, the yes-men, the sycophants. They will cheer you on as you drive toward a cliff, and will tell you what a fine driver you are all the way down.
Application
This proverb forces two pointed questions upon us. First, are you the kind of friend who is willing to inflict a faithful wound? This is not a license for harshness, or for being a busybody, or for enjoying the opportunity to criticize. The faithful wound is rare, prayerful, gentle, and reluctant. It is done with tears in the eyes, not a smirk on the face. But are you willing? Do you love your brothers and sisters enough to risk their immediate displeasure for the sake of their eternal soul? Or do you practice the cheap sentimentality of "hidden love" (Prov. 27:5), where you see the train coming but decide it would be awkward to mention it? We are called to be iron that sharpens iron, and the sharpening process creates sparks and friction. A church where no one ever rebukes anyone is not a loving church; it is a dying church.
Second, and perhaps more searchingly, are you the kind of person who can receive a faithful wound? When a brother comes to you, Bible in hand, and points out a sin, what is your first reaction? Is it to bristle with defensive pride? To shoot the messenger? To change the subject? Or have you cultivated the humility to say, "Thank you. That was hard for you to say, and it is hard for me to hear. But I know you love me. Pray for me." A man who cannot be rebuked cannot be taught. A man who cannot be corrected cannot be sanctified. The wise man loves the one who rebukes him (Prov. 9:8). The fool despises correction. We should pray for God to give us friends who are faithful enough to wound us, and to give us the grace to kiss them for it.