The Kindness of a Hard Word Text: Proverbs 27:5
Introduction: The Treason of Silence
We live in an age that has mistaken niceness for love. Our entire culture, and much of the church along with it, has embraced a soft, sentimental, and ultimately useless form of affection that would rather watch a friend walk off a cliff than risk the unpleasantness of shouting a warning. We think love is about affirmation, about validation, about making sure no one's feelings are ever, under any circumstances, hurt. But the book of Proverbs, which is God's distilled wisdom for practical living, will have none of it. This book is not interested in protecting our egos; it is interested in saving our souls. It operates on the principle that reality is a fixed thing, and that we are to conform to it, not the other way around.
The wisdom of God is therefore intensely practical, and it is often sharp. It is a surgeon's scalpel, not a feather for tickling. And this is because true love, covenantal love, is not concerned with temporary comfort but with eternal well being. True love is rugged. It has calluses on its hands. It is willing to enter into the mess and speak a hard word, a necessary word, a word that might sting in the moment but will bring healing in the end. This is the kind of love that God has for His people. He does not flatter us in our sins; He confronts us, He rebukes us, He disciplines us as sons (Hebrews 12:6). And we, as those made in His image, are called to love one another in the same way.
The alternative, which our text calls "hidden love," is a counterfeit. It is the love of a coward. It is the affection that stands by silently while a brother wanders into heresy, or a sister becomes entangled in a destructive sin. It is the friendship that prizes a false peace over true righteousness. This kind of love is not just hidden; it is useless. It is a fire that gives off no heat, a lamp that gives no light. It is, in the final analysis, a form of hatred disguised as kindness. As Leviticus 19:17 puts it, "You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him." Silence in the face of sin is not love; it is complicity.
The Text
"Better is reproof that is revealed Than love that is hidden."
(Proverbs 27:5 LSB)
The Structure of the Choice
Like much of the book of Proverbs, this verse is structured as an antithetical parallelism. It sets two things in sharp contrast to force us to make a judgment. It tells us that one thing is "better" than another. This is not a matter of taste or preference, like choosing between vanilla and chocolate. This is a moral and practical evaluation from the mind of God. We are being told how reality is actually structured. When given the choice between two options, revealed reproof and hidden love, God tells us which one has superior value. The choice is between a painful good and a pleasant evil.
"Better is reproof that is revealed..." (Proverbs 27:5a)
Let's break this down. The word is "reproof," or in some translations, "rebuke." This is not a gentle suggestion. It is a direct, clear, and plain confrontation of a fault. It is to hold up a mirror to someone and show them a spot they have missed. This is always, in the moment, uncomfortable. No one naturally enjoys being corrected. Our pride bristles at it. Our sinful nature wants to be told that we are fine just the way we are. But wisdom understands that such correction is an invaluable gift.
And notice, it is "revealed" reproof. The word is sometimes translated "open." This doesn't necessarily mean public, as in a humiliating spectacle. The Bible gives us clear instructions on the proper venue for rebuke, starting privately between two brothers (Matthew 18:15). Rather, "revealed" or "open" means it is brought out into the light. It is spoken. It is not hinted at, or stewed over, or gossiped about. It is delivered plainly and honestly to the person it is intended for. It is courageous communication.
This kind of reproof is better because it is useful. It is a tool for sanctification. It is the means by which God sharpens His people, as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). A church, a family, or a friendship where open reproof is not practiced is a place where sin is allowed to fester, where blind spots are never addressed, and where people are left to stagnate in their immaturity. Open reproof is the antiseptic that cleans the wound and allows for true healing.
The Uselessness of Hidden Love
The proverb then presents the alternative, which is found wanting.
"...Than love that is hidden." (Proverbs 27:5b LSB)
What is "hidden love?" This is the love that feels affection but refuses to act on it in any meaningful, corrective way. It is the friend who sees you are drifting but says nothing for fear of "rocking the boat." It is the parent who sees rebellion in a child but does nothing for the sake of a quiet house. It is the pastor who sees error creeping into the congregation but remains silent to keep the peace and the tithes flowing. It is love that is concealed, kept secret, and locked away. But what good is it?
This kind of love is fundamentally selfish. It prioritizes the comfort of the "lover" over the well being of the beloved. The reason the love remains hidden is because revealing it in the form of a rebuke would be costly. It might result in an argument. It might strain the friendship. It might create an awkward situation. The person who keeps his love hidden is really saying, "I care about you, but I care about my own personal peace and comfort more." It is a love that will not be inconvenienced.
But this proverb forces us to ask what kind of love this really is. If you see a toddler about to drink poison, is it a loving act to smile warmly from a distance so as not to startle him? Of course not. The loving act is to run, to shout, to snatch the bottle away, even if the child screams and cries in the process. The immediate displeasure is nothing compared to the deliverance from death. Hidden love is therefore a contradiction in terms. Love, by its very nature, is active. It does things. And one of the essential things it does is protect the beloved from harm, which necessarily includes the harm they are doing to themselves through sin.
This is why the very next verse says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy" (Proverbs 27:6). The open rebuke is a faithful wound. It hurts, but it comes from a place of loyalty and leads to health. The hidden love is kin to the deceitful kiss of an enemy. It feels pleasant, it affirms, it soothes, but it is treacherous because it leaves you in your sin, on the path to destruction.
Conclusion: The Courage to Love Aloud
So what is the application for us? It is twofold. First, we must learn to receive a rebuke. We must pray for God to give us the humility to see a rebuke not as an attack, but as a grace. When a brother or sister has the courage to speak a hard word to us, our first response should not be defensiveness, but rather gratitude. We should thank them for loving us enough to risk our displeasure for the sake of our soul. "A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool" (Proverbs 17:10).
Second, we must learn to give a rebuke. We must ask God to deliver us from the fear of man that leads to the treason of silence. This does not mean we become harsh, self-righteous, finger-pointing Pharisees. A rebuke must be given in humility, knowing that we ourselves are sinners in need of grace. It must be done in love, with the genuine aim of restoration, not condemnation (Galatians 6:1). But it must be done. We must love our brothers and sisters aloud. Our love cannot remain hidden in our hearts or in our heads. It must be revealed. And sometimes, the most loving form that revelation can take is the sharp, clean, healing wound of a faithful rebuke.
Let us therefore cultivate communities of honest, rugged, covenantal love. Let us be the kind of friends who are more concerned with holiness than with harmony, knowing that true harmony is only possible in the context of shared holiness. Let us reject the world's cheap substitute for love and embrace the costly, courageous, and Christ-like love that is willing to speak the truth, even when it hurts. For that is the only kind of love that does anyone any real, lasting good.