The Kiss of Reality Text: Proverbs 24:26
Introduction: The Treason of Flattery
We live in an age drowning in words, and yet dying of thirst for a single drop of truth. Our culture is marinated in the brine of insincerity. We have professionalized flattery and monetized falsehood. From the political arena, where words are used as smoke grenades to obscure reality, to the therapeutic couch, where they are used as anesthetics to numb us to it, we are conditioned to believe that the kindest thing you can do for someone is lie to them. We call it being "nice." We call it "affirming." God calls it an abomination.
The modern man fears a hard truth more than he fears a soft lie. He would rather be comfortably numb in a fantasy of his own making than be bracingly alive in the world God actually made. Consequently, our relationships are shot through with a kind of saccharine poison. We offer compliments we do not mean, we withhold rebukes that are desperately needed, and we trade in the cheap currency of emotional validation. The result is a society of fragile narcissists, utterly unequipped for reality, because they have never been given the gift of a straight answer.
Into this swamp of sentimentalism, the book of Proverbs cuts like a surgeon's scalpel. It does not deal in vague abstractions; it gives us the hard-nosed, practical wisdom for living in the real world, under the real God. And our text today is a potent corrective, a splash of cold water to the face of our effeminate age. It shows us that true affection, true friendship, and true love are not demonstrated by flattery, but by fidelity to the truth. It teaches us that the most profound kindness is clarity.
The Text
He kisses the lips
Who responds with right words.
(Proverbs 24:26 LSB)
The Anatomy of a Holy Kiss
Let us first consider the metaphor.
"He kisses the lips..." (Proverbs 24:26a)
In our hyper-sexualized and simultaneously sterile culture, we have a difficult time understanding the biblical significance of a kiss. We have relegated it almost exclusively to the realm of erotic romance or a perfunctory familial peck on the cheek. But in the Scriptures, a kiss was a far weightier thing. It was a sign of peace, a mark of fellowship, an oath of allegiance, and a seal of covenantal friendship. Jacob kisses Rachel at the well. Joseph kisses his brothers to show his forgiveness. Samuel kisses Saul to anoint him king. The early Christians were commanded to greet one another with a "holy kiss."
A kiss is an intimate and personal act. It is face to face. It signifies acceptance, reconciliation, and genuine affection. It is the opposite of standing at a distance and shouting slogans. It is the opposite of a sterile, impersonal email. It is a tangible, physical expression of goodwill.
But because it is so powerful, it can be horribly corrupted. A kiss can be an act of profound treason. There is no greater symbol of this than the kiss of Judas. He used the very sign of intimate friendship to betray the Son of God into the hands of His enemies. And is this not what we do when we flatter? Flattery is the kiss of Judas. It is using the language of affection to commit an act of treachery. When you tell a man what he wants to hear instead of what he needs to hear, you are betraying his soul for thirty pieces of silver, for a moment of social ease. You are kissing him on the way to his execution.
This proverb reclaims the kiss from both the sentimentalists and the traitors. It tells us what a true kiss, a holy kiss, really is. It is not the exchange of pleasant falsehoods. It is the gift of a right answer.
The Substance of Right Words
So what constitutes a "right answer" or "right words?"
"...Who responds with right words." (Proverbs 24:26b)
The Hebrew for "right" here is straightforward, upright, correct. It means words that align with reality. Right words are true words. But it is more than just factual accuracy. A man can use a set of true facts to build a damnable lie. The serpent in the garden was a master of this. "Right words" are words that are not only true in themselves, but are also fitting, timely, and aimed at the good of the hearer. As another proverb says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver" (Proverbs 25:11).
First, right words are honest words. They refuse to participate in delusion. When a friend is caught in a particular sin, the right word is not, "Well, you need to be true to yourself." The right word is, "You need to repent." When a man is lazy and his family is suffering, the right word is not, "You're just overwhelmed, you need some self-care." The right word is, "If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat" (2 Thess. 3:10). This is not harshness; this is love. It is the kind of love that values a person's soul more than their immediate comfort. It is the kiss of reality.
Second, right words are ordered words. They come from a mind that has submitted itself to the Logos, to the Word who was with God and was God. They are logical, coherent, and clear. Our generation despises clarity because it despises authority. It prefers the fog of emotionalism and subjective experience. But the Christian is called to have a ready answer, a defense for the hope that is in him. This requires a mind that has been sharpened by the Scriptures, able to distinguish good from evil, truth from error. Right words bring order to confusion. They are the verbal equivalent of "Let there be light."
Third, right words are covenantal words. They are spoken with an awareness that we are our brother's keeper. They are words that build up, even when they must first tear down. This is why the Scripture says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy" (Proverbs 27:6). The world thinks the man who flatters you is your friend, and the man who rebukes you is your enemy. God says the exact opposite. The man who loves you enough to wound you with the truth is your covenant brother. The man who kisses you with endless, uncritical praise is your enemy, seeking to fatten you for the slaughter.
Speaking Truth in a World of Lies
This proverb is therefore a mandate for a particular kind of community. It is a call for the church to be a culture of candor, a place where right words are the native tongue. Our fellowship should be the one place on earth where a man can be sure he will not be flattered to death.
In our marriages, this means husbands and wives must learn to speak the truth in love. A wife gives her husband a holy kiss when she respectfully points out a blind spot, not when she papers over his sin to "keep the peace." A husband kisses his wife when he gently corrects her, leading her with the truth of God's Word, not when he abdicates his responsibility and lets her drift into error.
In our parenting, it means we must give our children right words, not simply affirming words. We must correct their folly, instruct them in righteousness, and prepare them for a world that will not coddle them. To raise a child on a diet of unvarnished praise is to prepare him for a life of bitter disappointment.
In the pulpit, it means the minister of the gospel must be the chief giver of right words. He is not called to be a life coach, a therapist, or a motivational speaker. He is called to preach the Word, in season and out of season. He must preach the law that kills and the gospel that makes alive. His words must be as straight and true as the cross itself. A sermon filled with right words is a kiss of life to the people of God.
The Ultimate Right Word
Ultimately, all "right words" find their source and their substance in the ultimate Right Word, the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the Logos of God, the perfect expression of the Father's mind and heart. He is the Truth incarnate.
And how did He speak? He spoke with absolute clarity and with absolute love. He spoke right words to the Pharisees, calling them a brood of vipers. That was a kiss of judgment. He spoke right words to the woman at the well, exposing her sin. That was a kiss of conviction. He spoke right words to Peter, saying "Get behind me, Satan." That was the kiss of a faithful friend, wounding in order to heal. And He spoke the ultimate right word from the cross: "It is finished." That was the kiss of redemption for all who would believe.
When God wanted to show His ultimate love for us, He did not whisper sweet nothings from heaven. He sent His Son to speak the hardest truth in the universe: that we are sinners who deserve death. And then to demonstrate the most beautiful truth in the universe: that He would die in our place. The gospel is the ultimate "right word." It is a word that is perfectly true, perfectly fitting, and aimed at our eternal good. To receive the gospel in faith is to receive the holy kiss of God.
Therefore, let us be a people who cherish right words. Let us learn to give them, and let us learn to receive them. When a brother speaks a hard truth to you, do not turn away in bitterness. Recognize it for what it is. It is an act of profound love. It is a kiss on the lips.