The War for the Heart Text: Proverbs 23:26-28
Introduction: Two Competing Altars
The book of Proverbs is intensely practical, but it is not a book of disconnected moralisms. It is not a collection of self-help tips for a slightly more respectable life. It is a book about wisdom and folly, and at the root of all wisdom and all folly is a question of worship. To whom do you give your heart? Upon whose altar do you place your ultimate allegiance, your deepest affections, your foundational trust? This is the central question of human existence, and it is the question that Solomon, as a wise father, puts to his son in our text today.
We are in a spiritual war, and the central territory being contested is the heart of man. The father in this passage pleads with his son, "Give me your heart." This is not the plea of a sentimental, emotionally needy father. This is the summons of a covenant head, a spiritual authority established by God, calling his son to the altar of true worship. But there is another altar, another summons. The harlot, the foreign woman, also makes a bid for the son's heart. She does not ask for it with words; she seeks to seize it through appetite. She is a deep pit, a narrow well. She lies in wait like a robber. Her altar demands sacrifice, but it is the sacrifice of fools.
Our culture has completely inverted this wisdom. It tells young men to "follow your heart," as though the heart were a trustworthy guide. But Jeremiah tells us the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick (Jer. 17:9). To tell a young man to follow his unregenerate heart is like telling a blind man to lead a tour of an art museum. It is disastrous counsel. The biblical pattern is not for a son to follow his own heart, but to give his heart to his father, who has in turn given his heart to God. This is the essence of covenantal succession. This is how wisdom is passed down through generations. The father's plea is a call to submit to godly instruction, to delight in the patterns of righteousness, and to see the world as God sees it.
The alternative is stark. The harlot represents not just sexual sin, but the entire world system in rebellion against God. She is the epitome of folly. She promises freedom but delivers slavery. She offers pleasure but pays in death. She is the world's false gospel, and her converts are the "treacherous among men." In these three verses, we see the fundamental choice every young man must make: Will he give his heart to his father in the fear of the Lord, or will he lose it in the deep pit of the world's allurements?
The Text
"Give your heart to me, my son, And let your eyes delight in my ways. For a harlot is a deep pit And a foreign woman is a narrow well. Surely she lies in wait as a robber, And adds to the treacherous among men."
(Proverbs 23:26-28 LSB)
The Covenantal Summons (v. 26)
The passage begins with the father's direct and tender appeal.
"Give your heart to me, my son, And let your eyes delight in my ways." (Proverbs 23:26)
This is the central command. The "heart" in Scripture is not primarily the seat of emotion, but the center of the entire person, the wellspring of thought, will, and affection. It is the command center. To give your heart is to give your allegiance, your trust, your very self. This is a call to submission, but it is a call to a loving, personal submission. The father says, "my son." This is the language of covenant relationship, not of impersonal tyranny.
This command is the foundation of all true education. A father cannot impart wisdom to a son who has not first given him his heart. If the son's heart is guarded, rebellious, or given over to other loyalties, then all the instruction in the world will be like water on a duck's back. This is why the first duty of a son is to honor his father and mother. This honor is demonstrated by trusting them, by giving them his heart.
And the result of giving the heart is that the son's "eyes delight in my ways." Notice the progression. First comes the surrender of the heart, then comes the delight of the eyes. We do not learn to delight in God's ways in order to give Him our hearts. We give Him our hearts, and He transforms our "delighters." Righteousness ceases to be a burdensome duty and becomes a joyful path. The son's eyes begin to track with the father's ways, observing them, appreciating them, and finally, loving them. This is sanctification in the family context. The son begins to see the beauty of holiness as it is lived out by his father.
Of course, this is a picture of our relationship with our Heavenly Father. He does not just want our external compliance; He wants our hearts. "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart" (Deut. 6:5). When we, by grace through faith, give our hearts to God, our eyes are opened to delight in His ways. His law is no longer a burden, but we meditate on it day and night, as the Psalmist says. The Christian life is one of transformed affections.
The Treacherous Alternative (v. 27)
Immediately after the call to covenantal loyalty, Solomon presents the stark alternative. The choice is between the father's house and the harlot's pit.
"For a harlot is a deep pit And a foreign woman is a narrow well." (Proverbs 23:27)
The "for" at the beginning of this verse connects it directly to the previous plea. "Give me your heart, because if you don't, there is a pit waiting for it." The world is not neutral territory. If a young man's heart is not anchored in the wisdom of his father, it will be captured by the folly of the world, represented here by the harlot and the foreign woman.
The imagery is potent and terrifying. A "deep pit" and a "narrow well." Both are images of entrapment from which there is no easy escape. It is easy to fall in, but nearly impossible to climb out. This is a grimly realistic picture of sexual sin. It promises expansive freedom but delivers claustrophobic bondage. The thrill is momentary; the trap is permanent. The pit is deep, suggesting ruin and death. The well is narrow, suggesting that once you are in, the walls close in around you. There is no room to maneuver, no way to extricate yourself.
The "foreign woman" here is not a comment on ethnicity. In Proverbs, she is the woman outside the covenant, the one who does not fear Yahweh. She represents a foreign religion, a foreign worldview, a way of life that is alien to God's ways. To be entangled with her is to be yoked to unbelief, to be drawn away from the covenant community and into the world's idolatries. This pit is not just about the loss of virginity; it is about the loss of your soul.
This is a warning against the world's entire system of seduction. The world markets its sin as sophisticated, liberating, and exciting. But God, the ultimate realist, rips the mask off and shows it for what it is: a dirty, dark, inescapable hole. It is a trap laid for the simple, for the son who refuses to give his heart to his father.
The Method of Folly (v. 28)
The final verse describes the harlot's tactics and her terrible success. She is not a passive temptation; she is an active predator.
"Surely she lies in wait as a robber, And adds to the treacherous among men." (Proverbs 23:28)
She is a robber. She does not offer a fair trade. She ambushes. She waits for a moment of weakness, a moment of unguarded thought, a moment when the son's eyes are not delighting in his father's ways. Then she strikes. And what does she steal? She steals purity, peace, reputation, wealth, health, and ultimately, a man's relationship with God. She is a spiritual highwayman.
And notice the result of her work: she "adds to the treacherous among men." The Hebrew word for treacherous here means to be unfaithful, to betray a covenant. When a man gives himself over to the harlot, he does not just harm himself. He becomes a traitor. He betrays his covenant with God. If he is married, he betrays the covenant with his wife. He betrays his family, his church, and his own vows. He is added to the ranks of the faithless.
This is the multiplying power of sin. One man's folly does not remain contained. It spreads. He becomes another agent of treachery in the world, another snare for others. The man who is captured by the harlot often becomes a recruiter for her cause, justifying his sin, mocking purity, and encouraging other young men to jump into the same pit. He has been robbed, and now he joins the gang of robbers. This is how cultures unravel. It happens one treacherous man at a time, one son who refused to give his heart to his father.
The Father's Heart and the Son's Delight
So what is the application for us? This passage is a direct charge to fathers and sons, but its principles extend to all of us in the covenant community. Fathers, you must be the kind of men to whom your sons can safely give their hearts. You must live in such a way that your "ways" are worth delighting in. This means your life must be oriented toward Christ. You are not asking your son to give his heart to you as an end in himself, but to you as a signpost pointing to the ultimate Father. You are a steward of your son's heart, and you must point it toward God.
Sons, your duty is plain. Give your heart to your father. Trust his instruction. Delight in his ways, because his ways are to be God's ways. Reject the lie of autonomy that our culture preaches. You were not made to invent your own morality. You were made to receive a godly inheritance. Your heart is a treasure; do not throw it into the pit. Guard it by entrusting it to the authorities God has placed over you.
And for all of us, this passage drives us to the gospel. For we have all, at some point, played the fool. We have all been intrigued by the foreign woman. We have all flirted with the deep pit. Our hearts are naturally treacherous, and we have added to the ranks of the faithless. We are all stuck in a narrow well of our own making, unable to climb out.
But God, our true Father, did not leave us in the pit. He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, into the depths to rescue us. Jesus is the ultimate faithful Son who never once failed to delight in His Father's ways. He perfectly kept the covenant that we betrayed. And on the cross, He took upon Himself the treachery of all His people. He went into the deepest pit of God's wrath so that we could be lifted out.
Therefore, the ultimate fulfillment of this text is found when we hear our Heavenly Father say to us, "Give me your heart, my son." And by the power of the Holy Spirit, we are enabled to do so. We surrender our rebellious, adulterous hearts to Him, and He gives us a new heart, a heart of flesh. He writes His ways upon it, and our eyes are opened to delight in Him above all things. He becomes our treasure, and the harlot's cheap trinkets are exposed for the trash they are. He alone is worthy of our hearts, and in giving them to Him, we find our only true safety and our only lasting joy.