The Contagion of a Hot Temper Text: Proverbs 22:24-25
Introduction: The Friendship Mandate
We live in an age that has sentimentalized friendship. We have reduced it to a matter of personal chemistry, shared hobbies, or mutual flattery. But the Scriptures treat our associations with the utmost gravity. Friendship is not a neutral category. The company you keep is the soil in which your soul grows, or withers. And because this is true, God has not left us without explicit instructions on how to cultivate the garden of our relationships. We are commanded to love everyone, and this includes our enemies. But we are most certainly not commanded to be friends with everyone. In fact, we are expressly forbidden from entering into friendships with certain kinds of people.
This runs contrary to the entire spirit of our age. The modern evangelical impulse is often to "build a bridge" or "be a witness" through a kind of relational osmosis, assuming that our righteousness will inevitably rub off on the unrighteous. But the Bible, in its rugged realism, understands that spiritual diseases are far more contagious than spiritual health. Bad company corrupts good morals, as the apostle Paul tells us, quoting a pagan playwright (1 Cor. 15:33). The principle is universally understood, except, it would seem, in many of our churches. We think we can swim in a sewer and come out smelling like a rose. The book of Proverbs knows better.
The wisdom offered here is not a suggestion for a more comfortable life. It is a divine command, a piece of spiritual quarantine issued for the protection of your very soul. We are to be friendly toward all, as opportunity allows. But friendship, a settled state of mutual trust, affection, and influence, is a fortress. And God here commands us not to give the keys of that fortress to a man whose heart is a bonfire.
The Text
Do not befriend a man of anger;
And do not come along with a man of great wrath,
Lest you learn his ways
And take on a snare against your soul.
(Proverbs 22:24-25 LSB)
The Prohibition: A Divine Restraining Order (v. 24)
The instruction begins with a sharp, unambiguous command:
"Do not befriend a man of anger; And do not come along with a man of great wrath," (Proverbs 22:24)
Let us be very clear about what this is saying. The prohibition is not against interacting with an angry man, or showing him common courtesy. If you sit next to him on an airplane, you are free to be pleasant. But you are not to make him your friend. You are not to "come along with" him, which implies a shared journey, a partnership, a voluntary association. This is a command to exercise profound discernment in the selection of your companions.
The Bible treats unrighteous anger as a deeply serious matter. A hot temper is not a minor character flaw, a quirky personality trait. It is not a bagatelle, not a trifle. It is a fire in the attic. Scripture tells us that "an angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression" (Proverbs 29:22). A man given to rage is a fountain of sin. His anger is a brief madness, and the damage it causes is often senseless, demented, and utterly irrational. The man of anger destroys things, and frequently, he destroys things he had no intention of destroying. For him to apologize afterward, saying he "didn't mean for it to go that far," is like the man who starts a fire in his attic and then claims he never intended for the whole house to burn down.
Notice the two terms used: "a man of anger" and "a man of great wrath." This points to a settled character. This is not describing a man who gets angry once in a blue moon when faced with profound injustice. This is a man whose defining characteristic is his temper. He is a "ba'al 'aph," a lord of anger. It is who he is. And God says you are to have nothing to do with him in terms of intimate friendship.
This requires us to recognize that we have authority over the friendships we make. You are the gatekeeper of your inner circle. You have a moral obligation before God to refuse entry to those whose character would endanger your soul. This is not being judgmental in the sinful sense; it is being a wise steward of the life God has given you.
The Reason: The Law of Spiritual Contagion (v. 25)
God never issues arbitrary commands. The prohibition is followed immediately by the reason, and it is a stark and terrifying one.
"Lest you learn his ways And take on a snare against your soul." (Proverbs 22:25 LSB)
Here is the heart of the matter. The danger is not primarily that the angry man will lash out and hurt you, although that is certainly possible. The central danger is that you will become like him. "Lest you learn his ways." The word for "learn" here carries the idea of becoming accustomed to something, of picking up a habit. Anger is a spiritual virus, and close contact is how it spreads.
Many a well-meaning Christian has entered into such a friendship thinking they will be the good influence. They believe their calm demeanor will tame the angry man's wild heart. But the Holy Spirit here warns that the evangelism is far more likely to go the other way. You stand a much better chance of catching his disease than he does of catching your health. You will begin to tolerate his outbursts. Then you will begin to excuse them. Then you will begin to adopt his patterns of speech, his grievances, his seething resentments. You will learn his ways.
And the end result of this education is a "snare against your soul." A snare is a trap. It is something that entangles you, restricts your freedom, and ultimately leads to your destruction. By befriending a man of wrath, you are weaving a net for your own feet. You are setting a trap for your own soul.
How does this happen? The angry man lives in a world of strife, accusations, and turmoil. To be his friend is to be drawn into his battles. You become a party to his quarrels. You are pressured to take up his offenses. His bitterness seeps into your heart. His constant complaining becomes the background music of your life. And before you know it, you are entangled. You are reacting to the world with the same hair-trigger indignation that he does. You have been caught, and the peace of God which is to guard your heart and mind has been chased away by a legion of petty furies.
Righteous Anger vs. Sinful Wrath
Now, we must make a crucial distinction here. The Bible is not condemning all anger. There is such a thing as righteous indignation. God Himself experiences wrath against sin and injustice. Jesus cleansed the temple with a whip, his eyes flashing with a holy anger. Paul commands us, "Be angry, and do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26). There are things in this world that ought to make a godly man angry: the slaughter of the unborn, the sexualization of children, the mockery of God's law.
But the anger described in this Proverb is not that. This is the anger of pride, of a man who cannot bear to have his will crossed. It is the anger of selfishness, of a man who demands the world conform to his expectations. It is the anger of foolishness, which vents itself without restraint. Righteous anger is slow, controlled, and directed at sin. The sinful wrath of man is quick, chaotic, and directed at anyone who gets in his way. Righteous anger seeks to build and restore; sinful anger seeks only to dominate and destroy.
The man described here is not a righteous warrior. He is a spiritual arsonist. And God's command is simple: do not let him into your house.
Conclusion: Guarding the Gates of Your Soul
So what is the application for us? It is profoundly simple, and profoundly difficult. We must take a sober inventory of our relationships. We must ask ourselves if we have allowed anyone into our inner circle who fits this description. Have we made a friend of a man of anger? Have we yoked ourselves to a man of great wrath?
If we have, the command is not to be rude, but it is to be resolute. We must repent of our folly and begin the process of creating distance. This does not mean cutting them off from the love of Christ. You can still pray for them. You can still be kind to them in passing. You can still speak the truth to them when required. But you must disentangle your soul from theirs. You must revoke their security clearance to the inner chambers of your heart.
For those of us who might be the angry man in this proverb, the warning is even more severe. Your anger is not just hurting you; it is a spiritual contagion that endangers everyone you love. It is isolating you from the very fellowship God designed for your good. You must repent. You must confess your sin of wrath as sin, not as a personality type. You must cry out to God to replace your heart of stone with a heart of flesh, and to fill you with the fruit of His Spirit, which is love, joy, peace, and patience.
Our ultimate example in this is the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the friend of sinners, but He is no friend to sin. He welcomed the broken, the outcast, and the repentant. But He had nothing but words of righteous fire for the proud and the unrepentant. He is our peace, the one who breaks down the dividing wall of hostility. By His blood, He has made it possible for us to have peace with God, and therefore, peace in our own souls. It is only when we are secure in our friendship with Him that we will have the wisdom and the courage to obey this command, to guard the gates of our soul, and to walk in the way of peace, not the way of wrath.