The King's Friend: An Inside Job Text: Proverbs 22:11
Introduction: The Gravity of the Heart
The book of Proverbs is intensely practical. It is God's inspired instruction manual for living skillfully in His world. But we modern evangelicals have a tendency to treat it like a collection of quaint, disconnected fortune-cookie sayings for moral improvement. We approach it with a kind of sterile moralism, as though these are simply tips for becoming a better, more successful person. But that is to fundamentally misunderstand what Solomon is doing. Proverbs is not about behavior modification; it is about heart transformation. And it is not ultimately about us; it is about the fear of the Lord, which is the beginning of wisdom.
Every proverb is a diagnostic tool. It drills down past the surface of our actions and words and exposes the condition of the central generator, the human heart. Jesus Himself taught us this principle: "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34). What is inside will inevitably come out. You cannot have a polluted spring and expect to get fresh water downstream. You cannot have a corrupt heart and expect to produce consistently gracious speech. It is an inside job.
Our proverb today gets right to this central issue. It presents us with a cause-and-effect relationship that is as certain as the law of gravity. It connects the internal disposition, the love of a pure heart, with the external expression, gracious lips, and shows the remarkable result: friendship with the highest authorities in the land. This is not a formula for social climbing. This is a description of how God's world is wired to work. It reveals the kind of character that God blesses, and the kind of character that even discerning pagan rulers will recognize as valuable.
In a world that is obsessed with image, public relations, and managing perceptions, this proverb is a blast of cold, clean air. It tells us that the path to true influence is not found in the clever manipulation of your outward appearance, but in the diligent cultivation of your inward reality. If you want to fix your speech, you must first fix your heart. If you want favor with the king, you must first find favor with the King of kings by loving what He loves.
The Text
He who loves purity of heart And grace on his lips, the king is his friend.
(Proverbs 22:11 LSB)
The Fountainhead: Loving Purity of Heart
The proverb begins at the source, the very wellspring of our being.
"He who loves purity of heart..." (Proverbs 22:11a)
Notice that the emphasis is not simply on having a pure heart, but on loving purity of heart. This is a crucial distinction. This is not about achieving a state of sinless perfection, which is impossible for us this side of glory. Rather, this is about the settled disposition and deepest affection of the soul. What do you love? What do you long for? The man described here is one who has come to cherish and desire internal integrity. He loves a heart that is without guile, without hidden agendas, without bitterness, envy, or deceit.
A pure heart, in the biblical sense, is a heart that is undivided. It is a heart that wills one thing, as Kierkegaard said. It is a heart that is not trying to serve two masters. The hypocrite is the man with a divided heart; he wants the reputation of righteousness and the secret pleasures of sin. He is, as James says, a "double-minded man, unstable in all his ways" (James 1:8). But the man who loves a pure heart is striving for coherence. He wants his inner reality to match his outward profession. He hates the civil war within him.
Of course, this love for purity is not something we gin up on our own. It is a gift of grace, planted in us by the Holy Spirit. Our natural hearts are, as Jeremiah tells us, "deceitful above all things, and desperately sick" (Jeremiah 17:9). Left to ourselves, we love impurity. We love the darkness. But in the new birth, God performs a divine heart transplant. He takes out the heart of stone and gives us a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). He gives us new loves, new desires. The Christian is one who has been taught by God to love what God loves, and purity is at the top of that list.
This love for purity is cultivated through constant vigilance. "Keep your heart with all vigilance," Solomon says elsewhere, "for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23). This is active, diligent work. It means confessing sin readily, refusing to nurse grudges, and mortifying selfish ambitions. It means we pray with David, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10). The one who loves purity of heart is the one who is constantly inviting the searching gaze of God into the deepest recesses of his soul.
The Overflow: Grace on the Lips
The second clause flows directly and inevitably from the first.
"And grace on his lips..." (Proverbs 22:11b)
The Hebrew here is quite expressive. It's not just that his words are gracious, but that grace is on his lips. It is as though his lips are seasoned with grace, dipped in it. This is not a technique he has learned from a public speaking seminar. It is the natural overflow of the state of his heart. Because he loves purity on the inside, he produces grace on the outside.
What is this "grace on the lips?" It is speech that is fitting, kind, and considerate. It is the opposite of speech that is harsh, abrasive, critical, or manipulative. Paul describes it this way: "Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person" (Colossians 4:6). Gracious speech is not weak or sentimental. Salt is a preservative; it stings in a wound. Gracious speech can be firm and truthful, but it is always administered for the good of the hearer, not for the aggrandizement of the speaker. It seeks to build up, not to tear down (Ephesians 4:29).
A man with grace on his lips is a man who is a pleasure to be around. He is not a flatterer; flattery comes from a duplicitous heart, not a pure one. Flattery is a form of manipulation, a tool to get what you want. Gracious speech, because it flows from a pure heart, has no such ulterior motives. It is honest. It is winsome. It is trustworthy. This is an exceedingly rare quality. In a world full of cynics, gossips, and loudmouths, the man whose words are consistently gracious stands out like a lighthouse on a rocky coast.
The Result: Friendship with the King
The proverb concludes by stating the surprising but logical outcome of this character.
"...the king is his friend." (Proverbs 22:11c)
Now, on one level, this is simply shrewd, practical wisdom for living in the world. A king, or any person in high authority, is surrounded by sycophants, schemers, and flatterers. Everyone wants something from him. The man who approaches the king with a pure heart and gracious speech is a profound anomaly. The king can see that this man has no hidden agenda. His words are not a means to an end; they are an honest reflection of a sound heart. Such a man is invaluable as a counselor and a confidant. He will speak the truth, but he will speak it with a grace that makes it possible to be heard. Think of Joseph before Pharaoh, or Daniel before Nebuchadnezzar. Their integrity and wisdom, flowing from their devotion to God, made them indispensable to the most powerful men on earth.
A leader is starved for honest, gracious counsel. He is surrounded by people telling him what he wants to hear. The man who can be trusted, the man whose internal motivations are pure, is the man who gains the ear of the king. His character grants him an audience. This is a principle that applies in any sphere of authority, whether it is in a palace, a corporate boardroom, or a church session.
But as with all of Proverbs, there is a deeper, covenantal reality at work. The ultimate king is not Solomon or Pharaoh, but the Lord Jesus Christ, the King of kings. And who does this King call His friends? He tells us plainly: "You are My friends if you do what I command you" (John 15:14). Our friendship with King Jesus is conditioned on our obedience, an obedience that flows from a heart that has been purified by His blood and a love for Him that has been shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit.
Jesus is the perfect embodiment of this proverb. He is the one who perfectly loved purity of heart. He was "holy, innocent, unstained, separated from sinners" (Hebrews 7:26). And grace was poured upon His lips (Psalm 45:2). The crowds "were amazed at the gracious words which were coming from His mouth" (Luke 4:22). And because of His perfect purity and grace, He is now exalted as King, and He invites us into the inner circle of His friendship.
Conclusion: The Inside-Out Kingdom
This proverb turns our worldly notions of influence completely upside down. The world says that if you want to get ahead, you must project an image, manage your brand, and say whatever is necessary to get what you want. It is an outside-in approach. But the kingdom of God is an inside-out kingdom. God is not interested in our curated personas. He is interested in the heart.
The application for us is therefore straightforward, though not easy. Stop focusing so much on the words coming out of your mouth and start focusing on the heart from which they spring. Do you love purity of heart? Do you hate the duplicity and filth that you find there? Do you plead with God to cleanse you? Do you wage war against the envy, pride, and bitterness that would defile you?
If you make the diligent cultivation of a pure heart your central project, gracious speech will begin to follow as a matter of course. It will not be a mask you put on, but the genuine fruit of a transformed nature. And when that happens, you will find favor. You will find favor with discerning men, who are desperate for people of integrity. And more importantly, you will be walking in the light, as a friend of the great King, Jesus. He is the one who purifies the heart, and He is the one who gives grace to our lips. And He is the King who calls us, wonderfully, His friends.