The Leaky Soul and the Company You Keep Text: Proverbs 20:19
Introduction: The Architecture of Community
In our modern, atomized world, we tend to think of our lives as our own private projects. We are all entrepreneurs of the self, curating our own experiences, our own truths, our own realities. But the Scriptures will not have it. The Bible teaches us that we are fundamentally covenantal creatures. We are not isolated atoms bouncing around in a meaningless void; we are beings created for fellowship, for community, for relationship. And because this is true, the health of our lives is inextricably bound up with the health of our relationships. You cannot be a healthy tree planted in toxic soil.
The book of Proverbs is intensely practical about this. It is not a collection of abstract platitudes for cross-stitching onto pillows. It is hard-nosed, street-level wisdom for navigating God's world as God designed it to be navigated. And a significant portion of that wisdom has to do with the architecture of our communities. Who do you let into the inner circle? Who do you trust? Who do you keep at arm's length? These are not secondary questions of lifestyle preference; they are primary questions of spiritual life and death. To be undiscerning in your associations is like being a city with no walls in a time of war. It is not a sign of being open-minded; it is a sign of being suicidal.
This proverb we have before us today is a sharp, two-edged piece of divine counsel. It first identifies a particular kind of dangerous individual, the slanderer who cannot keep a secret. It shows us his character flaw. But it does not stop there. It immediately pivots from diagnosis to prescription. Having identified the carrier of the disease, it tells you what to do about it: quarantine yourself. Do not associate with him. This is not rude; it is wise. It is not judgmental; it is prudent. God is telling us that loyalty, discretion, and the careful stewardship of words are essential pillars for any godly community, and those who would demolish those pillars are not to be given a seat at the table.
The Text
He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets,
Therefore do not associate with one of loose lips.
(Proverbs 20:19 LSB)
The Character of a Slanderer (v. 19a)
The first clause gives us a clear diagnostic profile of a dangerous man.
"He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets..." (Proverbs 20:19a)
The word for "slanderer" here is a talebearer, a gossip-monger. It is a man who traffics in information about other people. Notice the action: "he who goes about." This is not a stationary sin. The slanderer is a peddler. He has a route. He makes his rounds. He is a Johnny Appleseed of discord, sowing strife wherever he goes. His business is other people's business.
And what is his specific malfunction? He "reveals secrets." This man is a leaky vessel. He cannot hold a confidence. To tell him a secret is to post it on the town bulletin board. But we must understand that this is not simply a matter of being forgetful or a bit careless with his words. The text identifies this as a deep character flaw. It is a form of treachery. A secret, a confidence, is a sacred trust. It is a piece of another person's life that they have placed in your hands for safekeeping. To reveal it is to betray that trust. It is to treat a person as a commodity, a bit of juicy information to be leveraged for your own social gain.
Why does he do it? The slanderer is driven by a toxic cocktail of pride, envy, and insecurity. He reveals secrets to feel important, to be "in the know." He gets a little thrill from being the center of attention, the one with the inside scoop. By tearing down another person's reputation, even in a small way, he seeks to build up his own. He is a man who can only feel tall when he is standing on the wreckage of another's good name. This is why slander is so closely associated with murder in the Scriptures. It is character assassination. You are destroying a part of the image of God for your own petty gratification.
This man's soul has no integrity, in the structural sense of the word. He is not a solid container. He is a sieve. Whatever you pour into him, confidences, trusts, loyalties, will simply run out onto the ground. He is fundamentally unreliable because his mouth is not governed by the fear of God, but rather by the lust for attention.
The Commanded Response (v. 19b)
Given this diagnosis, the Holy Spirit does not leave us wondering what to do. The instruction is direct and unambiguous.
"Therefore do not associate with one of loose lips." (Proverbs 20:19b LSB)
The "therefore" connects the command directly to the character flaw. Because the slanderer is a treacherous man who reveals secrets, the logical, righteous, and wise response is to put distance between him and yourself. "Do not associate" is a strong command. It means do not mix with him, do not enter into fellowship with him, do not make him your confidant. You are to erect a boundary.
The phrase "one of loose lips" is wonderfully descriptive. It paints a picture of a mouth that is not properly hinged. The lips are slack, uncontrolled. There is no governor on the engine, no guard at the gate of his mouth. Words just fall out. This is the opposite of the righteous man, who is taught to be slow to speak and who guards his mouth as a precious treasure (Proverbs 13:3). The man of loose lips has no such discipline. His mouth is a public thoroughfare, not a private residence.
Now, our sentimental, effeminate age recoils at such counsel. "Isn't that unloving?" they ask. "Shouldn't we just embrace everyone?" But this is to confuse true biblical love with a kind of indiscriminate niceness. True love does not enable sin. True love protects the flock. If a man has a spiritual contagion, you do not invite him into the nursery. You love him by telling him the truth about his sin and calling him to repentance, but you also love the community by refusing to let him infect it.
This command is an act of profound wisdom for at least two reasons. First, it is an act of self-preservation. If you associate with a slanderer, one of two things will happen, and both are bad. Either you will become his next victim, your secrets will be the next juicy morsel he peddles, or you will become his accomplice. Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Corinthians 15:33). You hang around the fire long enough, you are going to smell like smoke. You listen to enough slander, and you will eventually start to participate in it. God commands separation for our own protection.
Second, it is an act of communal preservation. A church, a family, or a friendship is held together by the ligaments of trust. Slander and gossip are the spiritual acids that dissolve those ligaments. Where there is no confidence, there can be no true community. Where secrets are not safe, there can be no vulnerability, no real fellowship. By refusing to associate with the slanderer, you are refusing to participate in the demolition of your own community. You are defending the integrity of the body.
Building a Culture of Trust
This proverb, then, is not merely a negative command to avoid certain people. Implicit within it is a positive vision for the kind of community we are called to build. We are to be the opposite of the man with loose lips. We are to be a people of a "faithful spirit," as Proverbs 11:13 puts it, who conceal a matter. We should be known as people who can be trusted, whose words are carefully weighed, and whose loyalty is unshakeable.
This means we must cultivate the spiritual discipline of silence. We must learn to bridle our tongues. Not everything we know needs to be said. Not every piece of information we hear needs to be repeated. We must ask ourselves before we speak: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Does it build up? Will it honor Christ? If the answer is no, then we are to have the strength of character to keep our mouths shut.
This also means that when we are confronted with slander, we must actively rebuke it. When someone comes to you with a juicy tale about another, you have a responsibility to shut it down. You can do this gently, but it must be done firmly. "Have you spoken to John about this directly?" "I don't feel comfortable talking about Sarah when she isn't here to speak for herself." This is how you extinguish fires. A slanderer needs an audience. If you refuse to be his audience, his sin withers.
Conclusion: The Gospel and Our Words
Ultimately, the sin of slander and loose lips is a profound rejection of the gospel. The gospel is the good news that God, in Christ, has covered our shame. Our deepest, darkest secrets, our most profound failures, have been concealed by the blood of Jesus. He does not go about as a talebearer, revealing our sins to the Father. No, He stands as our advocate, our defense. He "conceals the matter."
When we engage in slander, we are acting like the Accuser, Satan, whose very name means slanderer. We are doing the devil's work. We are uncovering the shame that Christ died to cover. But when we guard our words, when we keep a confidence, when we protect the reputation of a brother or sister, we are acting in a way that reflects the gospel. We are participating in the ministry of grace.
Therefore, let us take this proverb to heart. Let us be discerning in our associations, creating a wide berth around those whose lips are loose. And more than that, let us be a people whose own lips are governed by grace. Let us be known as men and women of a faithful spirit, trustworthy and true. Let our communities be sanctuaries of trust, where secrets are safe, reputations are guarded, and the gospel is made visible in the very way we speak to and about one another. For it is out of the abundance of a grace-filled heart that a gracious mouth speaks.