Commentary - Proverbs 20:19

Bird's-eye view

This proverb is a straightforward piece of practical wisdom, the kind that keeps a community from tearing itself apart at the seams. Solomon is dealing with the character of a particular kind of fool, the gossip, and gives us two distinct parts. First, there is a diagnosis of the man's character, he is a talebearer who reveals secrets. Second, there is a prescription for how to deal with such a man, you are to have nothing to do with him. This is not about being unkind, but rather about being wise. A community, a church, a family, is held together by bonds of trust. The slanderer, the one with loose lips, is a man who dissolves those bonds with his tongue. The proverb therefore is a warning about a certain kind of corrosive individual and a command to protect the integrity of your fellowship.

At its root, this is a matter of covenant. When someone entrusts you with a secret, they have extended a form of covenantal trust. To break that confidence is to be a covenant-breaker. The New Testament lists covenant-breaking as a hallmark of a reprobate mind (Romans 1:31). So, while this is a practical proverb, its roots go down deep into the bedrock of our theology. How we handle our words, and whose words we allow into our lives, reveals a great deal about our relationship to the God of the covenant, the God who keeps His promises.

Outline

Proverbs 20:19

"He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets..."

The verse begins by identifying the man we are to watch out for. The Hebrew word for slanderer here is related to the idea of a peddler or a merchant, one who "goes about." This is not a man who accidentally lets something slip once. This is his trade. He is a trafficker in information that does not belong to him. He collects tidbits here and morsels there, and then he goes about peddling them for his own gain. And what is his gain? It could be a sense of importance, the feeling of being an insider, or the malicious pleasure of seeing another person's reputation diminished.

And what is his merchandise? He "reveals secrets." A secret is a piece of privileged information. It is a trust. To reveal it is therefore an act of treachery. This man cannot be trusted with anything of weight or significance. He is a leaky vessel. If you pour your confidence into him, you can expect to see it puddled on the floor for everyone to see. This is a profound character flaw. It demonstrates a lack of loyalty, a lack of love for neighbor, and a lack of fear of God. He uses his tongue not to build, but to dismantle. He is the opposite of the man described elsewhere in Proverbs, "He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends" (Prov. 17:9). This man is a friend-separator. He is a human weed whacker in the garden of fellowship.

"Therefore do not associate with one of loose lips."

The conclusion is as practical as it is blunt. Given the character of such a man, what should you do? Stay away from him. "Do not associate" is a command to maintain distance. This is not a suggestion to be nicer to him in the hopes that he will change. It is a command to erect a boundary for the sake of your own integrity and the health of the community. You are not to "meddle" with him, as the King James says. Don't get mixed up in his affairs. Don't make him your confidant. Don't become his business partner. Don't invite him into your inner circle.

Why? Because he is "one of loose lips." The image is of a mouth that is slack, ungoverned, and cannot be shut. It gapes open. Whatever goes in the ear comes right back out the mouth, often with some sinful spin added to it during the short journey between. This is a person who lacks self-control, a foundational Christian virtue. To associate with him is to put yourself, your family, and your friends at risk. It is like leaving your front door wide open in a bad neighborhood. You are inviting trouble. Wisdom means recognizing the danger and acting accordingly. You are not being judgmental in a sinful way; you are making a right judgment that the Bible commands you to make.

Application

So what do we do with this? First, we must apply this to ourselves. Before we go around identifying all the loose-lipped slanderers in our lives, we must examine our own hearts and our own speech. Are we trustworthy? When someone tells us something in confidence, does it stay with us? Or do we feel that little thrill of having something juicy to share? The gospel must first do its work on our own tongues. Christ died to redeem us from all our sins, and that includes the sins of the tongue. We are called to be people whose "yes" is "yes," people who are known for their integrity. The Holy Spirit is given to us for self-control, and that certainly applies to the mouth.

Second, we must take the command of the proverb seriously. We are to cultivate a community of trust. This means that we must lovingly, and sometimes firmly, refuse to listen to gossip. When someone comes to you with a tale about another, you have a responsibility to shut it down. And it means we must be discerning in our friendships and associations. We are not to be naive. There are destructive people in the world, and sometimes they make their way into our churches. Wisdom is not suspicious, but it is shrewd. We are to protect the flock, and that means identifying and marginalizing those whose speech tears down the body of Christ.

Finally, this all points us back to the gospel. The slanderer tears apart, but Christ builds up. The gossip separates friends, but Christ reconciles enemies to God and to one another. The loose-lipped man cannot keep a secret, but our God is one who keeps His covenant promises forever. Our speech should be a reflection of the God we serve. It should be constructive, truthful, and full of grace. Where we have failed, and we all have, we must repent and look to Christ, who is our advocate and who speaks a better word on our behalf than we ever could.