The Shameful Son and the Ruined House Text: Proverbs 19:26
Introduction: The Household as Ground Zero
The book of Proverbs is intensely practical. It does not deal in ethereal abstractions or sentimental platitudes. It deals with the nuts and bolts of life in God's world, which means it deals extensively with the family. And this is because the family, the household, is the fundamental building block of all society. As the family goes, so goes the church. As the church goes, so goes the nation. If you want to diagnose the health of a culture, you don't start with its legislative bodies; you start in its living rooms. You look at how sons treat their mothers and fathers.
Our modern world is in full-blown rebellion against this basic reality. We have defined liberty as autonomy, which is just a fancy Greek word for "being a law to oneself." This manifests as a generational revolt against all authority, and the first authority any of us encounter is the authority of our parents. The fifth commandment, to honor father and mother, is therefore the lynchpin of a stable society. It is the first commandment with a promise, because obedience in this area brings blessing and long life in the land. It follows, then, that disobedience in this area brings a curse and societal decay. The man who will not honor his father will not honor a king, and he certainly will not honor God the Father.
The proverb before us today is a stark and brutal snapshot of what this rebellion looks like when it comes to full fruition. It is not a pretty picture. It is a portrait of domestic terrorism. It shows us the end result of a heart that has rejected the fundamental law of honor. This is not about a teenager having a bad attitude or a son forgetting to take out the trash. This is about a foundational collapse of order, a son who has become a wrecking ball in his own home. And in describing this disaster, the Proverb reveals a timeless truth about sin, shame, and the covenantal consequences of rebellion.
The Text
"He who assaults his father and causes his mother to flee Is a son who brings shame and humiliation."
(Proverbs 19:26 LSB)
The Violent Son (v. 26a)
The first clause gives us the action, the raw data of the son's sin.
"He who assaults his father and causes his mother to flee..." (Proverbs 19:26a)
The language here is potent. The word for "assaults" can also be translated as "wastes," "spoils," or "robs." It carries the idea of a violent plundering. This is not just a verbal dispute. This is a son who lays violent hands on his own father, the man who gave him life, the head of his household. This is a direct and bloody violation of the fifth commandment. This is Absalom in principle, raising a hand against the Lord's anointed, who in the household is the father.
This violence can take many forms. It can be physical, a literal striking of his father, which under the Mosaic law was a capital offense (Exodus 21:15). But it can also be financial. A son can "waste" his father by squandering his inheritance, by running up ruinous debts, by treating the family estate as his personal slush fund. This is the prodigal son in his rebellious phase, taking his father's wealth and wasting it on riotous living. He is assaulting his father's legacy, his hard work, and his name.
And notice the effect on his mother: he "causes his mother to flee." Or, as some translations have it, he "chases her away." The mother, who should be honored and protected in her own home, is made a refugee by her own son. His behavior, his violence, his rage, his profligacy makes the home unbearable for her. He has turned a place of sanctuary into a war zone. She is driven out, either literally from the house or emotionally into a state of constant fear and retreat. He has violated the two fundamental duties of a man: to protect and to provide. Instead, he preys and he plunders.
This two-fold action is a complete inversion of the created order. The son, who owes his father honor and obedience, gives him violence and contempt. The son, who owes his mother protection and care, gives her terror and exile. He has attacked the headship of the father and the heart of the home, the mother. This is not just a personal failure; it is an act of cosmic treason against the God who established the household and commanded that it be ordered by love and honor.
The Shameful Reputation (v. 26b)
The second clause gives us the result, the public verdict on this man's character.
"...Is a son who brings shame and humiliation." (Proverbs 19:26b)
Sin is never a private affair. This son's rebellion has public consequences. He brings shame, and he brings humiliation or reproach. These are two sides of the same coin. Shame is the internal feeling of disgrace, but it is also the objective state of being dishonorable. Humiliation is the public recognition of that disgrace. This son has made himself, and by extension his family, a public scandal.
He brings shame upon himself, first of all. He is marked as a fool, a brute, a man without natural affection. He has forfeited his own honor. A man who does not honor his parents is a man who cannot be trusted with anything else. If he will betray the covenant of the family, he will betray the covenant of the church, the covenant of marriage, and any business contract he might sign.
But the shame does not stop with him. He brings shame upon his parents. People will whisper and point. They may blame the parents, fairly or unfairly, for how their son turned out. He has dragged their name through the mud. The son who should have been their glory and their crown in old age has become their public disgrace. This is the bitterness spoken of elsewhere: "A foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him" (Proverbs 17:25).
This is a profoundly covenantal concept. We are not disconnected individuals. We are bound together in families, in communities. The actions of one member reflect on the whole. When Achan sinned in the camp, all Israel suffered. When a son brings shame, the whole household feels the stain. This is why we must take sin in the family so seriously. It is a cancer that dishonors not just the sinner, but the entire body.
The Gospel for Wrecking Balls
This proverb presents a grim diagnosis, and for some, it may hit painfully close to home. Some of us have been this son. Some of us have been the parents of this son. What hope is there when the household has been shattered by such rebellion?
The hope is found by recognizing that we are all, in a deeper sense, this shameful son. We have all assaulted our Heavenly Father. We have wasted the good gifts He has given us. Our sin, our rebellion, our pride has been a constant striking against His authority and His goodness. And we have caused the bride of Christ, the Church, to flee. Our sins have brought disgrace and reproach upon the name of God in the world. We are all sons who have brought shame. "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).
Into this universal disgrace, God sent His true Son, the only Son who never brought shame. Jesus Christ is the Son who perfectly honored His Father, obeying Him even to the point of death on a cross. He is the Son who perfectly loves and protects His mother, the Church. On the cross, He took upon Himself all of our shame, all of our reproach, all of our humiliation. "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21).
The gospel is the good news that shameful sons can be adopted into the family of the perfect Son. Through repentance and faith in Christ, our record of assault and rebellion is nailed to His cross. His record of perfect honor is credited to our account. God looks at us, former rebels, and calls us "beloved sons, with whom I am well pleased."
This is what transforms a shameful son. It is not simply trying harder or making a New Year's resolution to be nicer to mom and dad. It is a radical heart-change that comes from being forgiven an infinite debt. When a man understands the grace he has been shown, when he understands that he has been adopted by a Father he once assaulted, he is then freed and empowered to turn and honor his earthly father. When he understands how Christ cherishes the Church, he is freed and empowered to turn and protect his earthly mother.
The restoration of our homes begins with the restoration of our hearts at the foot of the cross. The gospel does not just save our souls for the hereafter; it invades our homes in the here and now. It turns the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers (Malachi 4:6). It takes sons of shame and makes them sons of glory, for the honor of the Father who loved them and gave His only Son for them.