The Gravitational Pull of the Gift Text: Proverbs 19:6
Introduction: The Nature of Human Gravity
The book of Proverbs is a book of spiritual physics. It does not just give us moral platitudes; it reveals the fundamental laws that govern human interactions. It tells us how the world actually works, not how we wish it would work in some sentimental daydream. And one of the foundational laws of human gravity, a principle as reliable as an apple falling from a tree, is described for us in this verse. It is a blunt, unvarnished, and entirely accurate observation about the human heart.
We live in a world of surfaces, a world of handshakes, smiles, and pleasantries. But underneath all that, there are currents and forces at work. People are motivated. People want things. And because we are fallen, our motivations and our wants are often distorted. We are naturally curved in on ourselves. Our default setting is self-interest. This is not to say that true friendship or genuine honor do not exist, they most certainly do, but they are the result of grace, not nature. Nature, left to itself, operates on a different economy.
This proverb dissects that natural economy with surgical precision. It shows us a world where favor is courted and friendship is purchased. It is a cynical-sounding observation, but it is not cynical. It is realistic. The Bible is the most realistic book in the world because it was written by the one who created reality. It does not flatter us. It tells us the truth about ourselves so that we might seek a remedy outside of ourselves. This verse is a diagnostic tool. It reveals the sickness of man-centered networking and points us to the cure, which is the freely-given, unearned favor of God in Jesus Christ.
We must understand this principle if we are to navigate the world with wisdom. We need to understand it if we have resources, so we are not deceived by the crowd. And we need to understand it if we are without resources, so we are not tempted to become one of the flatterers ourselves, or to despair when the crowd thins out. This is practical, street-level theology for everyday life.
The Text
Many will seek the favor of a noble man,
And everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts.
(Proverbs 19:6 LSB)
The Orbit of Power (v. 6a)
The first clause sets the scene for us:
"Many will seek the favor of a noble man..." (Proverbs 19:6a)
The word for "noble man" here is often translated as prince, ruler, or a generous man. It points to a person of standing, a person with influence, a person who has something to dispense. He is a center of gravity. He has resources, whether that is wealth, power, connections, or authority. And because he has these things, he attracts a crowd. "Many will seek his favor."
The verb for "seek the favor" in the original Hebrew is a picturesque one. It means to stroke the face, to entreat, to appease. It is the picture of a courtier approaching a king, not with a straight spine, but with a bowed head and a soft touch. It is the language of supplication. It is the posture of someone who wants something from another.
This is a simple observation of how the world works. Go to any state capital, or to Washington D.C., and you will see this principle in action around the clock. Lobbyists, aides, and constituents all flock around the powerful, seeking their favor. But it is not just in the halls of government. You see it in the corporate world, where employees jockey for the boss's attention. You see it in social circles, where people gravitate toward the popular and influential. You see it in the church, where people sometimes cozy up to the pastor or the elders, not for spiritual counsel, but for a kind of reflected importance.
The proverb simply states it as a fact of life: where there is power, there will be petitioners. Where there is influence, there will be flatterers. The problem is not with the noble man, necessarily, but with the motivation of the "many." They are not drawn by the man's character, but by his capacity. They are drawn to what he can do for them. Their affection is conditional, their loyalty is contingent on his continued ability to provide favor. This is not friendship; it is networking. It is human commerce masquerading as community.
The Price of Friendship (v. 6b)
The second clause parallels and intensifies the first, making the transactional nature of the relationship even more explicit.
"And everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts." (Proverbs 19:6b LSB)
Notice the move from "many" to "everyone." The observation becomes more sweeping, more universal. This is not just a tendency; it is a law of human nature. If a man is handing out gifts, he will never lack for "friends." The quotation marks are important. The proverb is using the word "friend" in a descriptive, not a prescriptive, sense. It is describing what people call friendship in a fallen world.
A man who is constantly giving things away, a man whose generosity is a fire hydrant instead of a well, will be the most popular man at the party. His phone will always be ringing. His dinner table will always be full. But what happens when the gifts dry up? What happens when the well runs dry? The very next verse in Proverbs gives us the answer: "All the brothers of a poor man hate him; how much more do his friends go far from him!" (Proverbs 19:7). The crowd that gathered because of the gifts will scatter because of the lack of them.
This is a profound warning to two kinds of people. First, it is a warning to the man with the gifts. He must be wise. He must be discerning. He must not mistake the applause of the crowd for genuine affection. He must not mistake the laughter of those eating his food for true fellowship. If his identity is wrapped up in being the provider, the benefactor, he will be crushed when the beneficiaries move on to the next open hand. His generosity should flow from a heart of worship toward God, not from a need for affirmation from men.
Second, this is a warning to all of us not to be this kind of "friend." We must examine our own hearts. Are we drawn to people because of who they are in Christ, or because of what they have? Do we cultivate relationships based on mutual love for God and His truth, or based on what we can get out of the other person? This is the kind of friendship Judas offered to Jesus. He was part of the inner circle, he ate at the table, but his heart was fixed on the money bag. And for thirty pieces of silver, he sold the greatest friend a man could ever have. The spirit of Judas is alive and well in every heart that values a gift more than the giver.
The Gospel Economy
Like every proverb, this one holds up a mirror to our fallen condition. It shows us the ugly, transactional nature of our hearts. We are all, by nature, favor-seekers and gift-chasers. We want a God who will be our cosmic benefactor, our divine sugar daddy. We approach Him like the crowds in the proverb, stroking His face, telling Him what a great God He is, all because we want something from Him. We want health, we want wealth, we want comfort, we want a trouble-free life.
But the gospel flips this entire economy on its head. The gospel tells us that we have nothing to offer God. We are not seeking the favor of a noble man; we are rebels who have spit in the face of the King. We are not just empty-handed; our hands are filled with sin. We come to God not as petitioners, but as prisoners. We deserve wrath, not favor. We have earned judgment, not gifts.
And it is right at that point, at the point of our absolute spiritual bankruptcy, that God demonstrates true generosity. He does not wait for us to court His favor. He does not demand that we flatter Him. While we were yet sinners, enemies, God sent His Son. The ultimate Noble Man, the Prince of Heaven, did not wait for us to seek His favor. He sought us. "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost" (Luke 19:10).
And what is the gift He gives? It is not a temporary trinket. It is not something that will rust or decay. The greatest gift is the Giver Himself. "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son" (John 3:16). And in giving us the Son, He gives us everything else. He gives us forgiveness. He gives us righteousness. He gives us adoption. He gives us eternal life. He gives us a favor that is not for sale, a favor that cannot be earned, a favor that will never be withdrawn based on our performance.
This is the great reversal. In the world's economy, you get gifts because you are a friend to the powerful. In the gospel economy, you become a friend because you have received the gift. God's gift of grace in Christ does not just make us beneficiaries; it makes us sons. It makes us true friends. As Jesus said to His disciples, "No longer do I call you servants... but I have called you friends" (John 15:15).
This is the only true friendship in the universe. It is a friendship not based on what we bring to the table, but based entirely on the blood He shed on the table of the cross. When we grasp this, it liberates us. It frees us from the need to be the man with the gifts, because we know our worth is not in what we give. And it frees us from being the flattering friend, because we have already received the only gift that matters, from the only Friend who will never leave us or forsake us, even when we are poor, and especially when we have nothing left to offer.