Commentary - Proverbs 19:4

Bird's-eye view

Proverbs 19:4 is a blunt and unsentimental observation about the nature of fallen human relationships. It operates in the realm of what is, not what ought to be. The book of Proverbs is full of these kinds of statements, which serve as a splash of cold water to the face for the naive. This proverb sets up a sharp contrast between the social gravity of wealth and the isolating vacuum of poverty. It teaches us a crucial lesson about the magnetic power of mammon and the fickle nature of friendships that are built on the sandy foundation of personal advantage. The verse is not a commendation of this state of affairs, but rather a diagnosis of a sinful world's priorities. It forces the godly to examine the basis of their own friendships and to seek a fellowship that is grounded not in what can be gotten, but in what has been given to us in Christ.

Ultimately, this proverb, like all of Proverbs, points us to the ultimate reality found in the gospel. It shows us the world's definition of friendship, which is based on utility, and thereby highlights the radical nature of Christ's friendship. He is the wealthy one who, though He was rich, for our sakes became poor, separating Himself from the glories of Heaven to befriend destitute sinners. He is the one true friend who does not abandon the poor man, but rather becomes the poor man in order to rescue him. This verse, then, is a piece of worldly wisdom that, when held up to the light of Scripture, reveals the profound beauty of covenantal, Christ-centered fellowship.

Outline

Context In Proverbs

This proverb sits within a collection of Solomon's wisdom that frequently deals with the practical realities of wealth, poverty, justice, and relationships. It is not an isolated thought. Proverbs 14:20 says something very similar: "The poor is disliked even by his neighbor, but the rich has many friends." Proverbs 19:6-7 continues the theme: "Many seek the favor of a generous man, and everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts. All a poor man's brothers hate him; how much more do his friends go far from him!" The book of Proverbs is relentlessly realistic about human nature. It does not paint a rosy picture of piety always leading to immediate popularity and prosperity. Instead, it provides wisdom for navigating a world that is often unjust and superficial. These proverbs are not commanding us to accept this reality as good, but to recognize it as true, so that we might not be foolishly surprised by it and might seek a higher wisdom.

Key Issues

A Cold Dose of Reality

The book of Proverbs is intensely practical. It is a father teaching his son how the world actually works, not how we might wish it worked. Some of the proverbs are prescriptive, telling us what to do. Others are descriptive, telling us what is. This proverb falls squarely into the latter category. It is a sociological observation, as true today as it was three thousand years ago. It is a truth that can be verified on any playground, in any corporate boardroom, and, sadly, in many church foyers.

The wisdom here is not in celebrating this fact, but in recognizing it. The naive person thinks that if he is kind and good, everyone will like him. The wise man understands that in a fallen world, a man's perceived value is often tied to his net worth. Acknowledging this is the first step toward discerning true friendship from the false, and it is the first step toward building our relationships on a foundation that cannot be shaken by economic downturns.

Verse by Verse Commentary

4a Wealth adds many friends,

The first clause is simple and direct. The Hebrew word for "adds" (yasaph) means to add, increase, or gather. Wealth acts like a social magnet. When a man comes into money, he suddenly finds he has more friends than he ever knew. People laugh at his jokes a little louder. They are quicker to return his calls. They invite him to their parties. The reason, of course, is that wealth represents power, access, and potential benefit. People are drawn to the rich man not necessarily because of who he is, but because of what he has and what they might be able to get from him. These are not friends of the man; they are friends of the man's money. They are what we call fair-weather friends, and their loyalty lasts only as long as the bank account does. This is a warning to the rich man not to be deceived by his own popularity, and a lesson for all of us about the corrupting influence of money on relationships.

4b But a poor man is separated from his friend.

The contrast is stark and brutal. The word "but" sets up the opposition. While wealth gathers a crowd, poverty creates a vacuum. The word for "separated" (parad) can mean to be divided, separated, or even alienated. Notice the singular: "his friend." It does not say "his friends" are separated from him, but "his friend." This suggests a deeper level of tragedy. Even a close companion, a neighbor or associate, can be driven away by the onset of poverty. Why? Because poverty is demanding. The poor man has needs. He might need a loan, or help finding a job, or simply a listening ear for his troubles. A relationship with a poor man is costly, and in a world that runs on cost-benefit analysis, many will find the cost too high. The friendship that was easy and pleasant when both parties were on equal footing is now tested, and it is found wanting. This is the painful side of the same truth. If friendships are built on utility, they will dissolve when the utility runs out.

Application

So what do we do with this hard-headed piece of wisdom? First, we must apply it as a diagnostic tool to our own hearts. Why are we friends with the people we are friends with? Are we drawn to the successful and the influential? Do we subtly avoid those who are struggling, those who cannot do anything for us in return? This proverb forces us to confront the latent utilitarianism in our own souls. It calls us to repent of our tendency to love what is useful instead of loving people.

Second, this proverb should make us profoundly grateful for the gospel. For in the gospel, we see this proverb turned completely on its head. We were the poor man, utterly destitute, with nothing to offer God. We were separated not just from our friends, but from God Himself, the source of all life and fellowship. And what did the infinitely wealthy King of heaven do? He did not separate Himself from us. He drew near. Jesus Christ is the friend of sinners. He is the friend of the poor. He did not come to us for what He could get, but for what He could give. He laid down His infinite riches and took up our poverty and shame, and He was separated and forsaken on the cross so that we, the poor, might be reconciled to His Father. He is the one friend who sticks closer than a brother, whose loyalty is not dependent on our economic status, our usefulness, or our loveliness.

Therefore, the church is to be a place where Proverbs 19:4 is gloriously contradicted. The church should be the one community on earth where the rich and the poor truly meet together, where friendships are not determined by bank statements, and where the lonely and separated find a true family. We are to offer the world a different kind of friendship, a covenantal friendship, modeled on the friendship Christ has shown to us. We befriend the poor, the needy, and the outcast, not as a charity project, but because we recognize them as our brothers for whom Christ died, and in so doing, we demonstrate the radical, upside-down economics of the kingdom of God.