Commentary - Proverbs 17:17

Bird's-eye view

This proverb presents a powerful couplet that defines the essence of true, substantive relationships against the backdrop of a fallen world. It draws a crucial distinction, or perhaps a complementary parallel, between two foundational human connections: friendship and brotherhood. The first line establishes the ideal for friendship, a constant, unwavering affection that is not dependent on circumstances. The second line defines the purpose of kinship, it is forged and proven in the crucible of hardship. Together, these two clauses provide a profound insight into the nature of loyalty, covenant, and love. This is not sentimental fluff; it is a hard-headed assessment of what real relational integrity looks like. The proverb forces us to evaluate our own relationships, not by the pleasantries of peaceful times, but by the steadfastness demonstrated when the winds of adversity begin to howl. Ultimately, it points us to Christ, the only one who perfectly embodies both the friend who loves at all times and the brother born for our ultimate adversity.

The structure is a classic example of Hebrew parallelism. The first line makes a general statement about the nature of love in friendship, and the second line provides a specific, intensified application of that principle in the context of family. A friend's love is constant; a brother's love is activated by crisis. This is not to say that friends are useless in adversity or that brothers only love in adversity, but rather to highlight the distinctive glories and obligations of each type of relationship. It is a call to a robust, muscular form of love that is more than mere affinity or shared interest; it is a covenantal bond that holds fast when everything else is coming apart.

Outline

Context In Proverbs

The book of Proverbs is intensely practical, concerned with imparting wisdom for navigating the complexities of life in God's world. A recurring theme throughout the book is the nature of true and false relationships. Proverbs warns repeatedly against fair-weather friends who are drawn by wealth or prosperity but vanish in times of trouble (Prov 14:20; 19:4, 6-7). It extols the virtue of a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Prov 18:24) and the value of a neighbor who is near over a brother who is far away (Prov 27:10). Proverbs 17:17 fits squarely within this stream of wisdom. It provides a positive definition of relational faithfulness, setting a high bar for both friendship and kinship. It serves as a concise, memorable standard by which to measure the quality of our connections and our own character as a friend and family member. It is part of the divine instruction on how to build a life and a community that can withstand the inevitable pressures and trials of a fallen world.

Key Issues

Fair-Weather Flattery vs. All-Weather Fidelity

The world is full of what you might call "transactional relationships." People are friendly when it is convenient, when it serves their interests, when the sun is shining and the larder is full. The book of Proverbs has this kind of person pegged. "Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbour" (Prov 19:4). This is the kind of friendship that is no friendship at all; it is flattery, or networking, or social climbing. It is fundamentally self-serving.

This proverb cuts straight through that superficiality. It sets up a different standard entirely, one based not on circumstance but on character and covenant. The love described here is not a feeling that comes and goes with the weather. It is a settled disposition, a commitment, a pledge of loyalty. It is the kind of love that holds. The second line reinforces this by showing that the deepest bonds are not just for the good times, but are specifically designed for the bad times. Adversity is not an obstacle to the relationship; it is the very occasion for which the relationship exists. This is a radical, counter-cultural vision of what it means to be for someone.

Verse by Verse Commentary

17A friend loves at all times,

The first clause sets the standard for friendship. The love of a true friend is not seasonal. It is not dependent on your success, your mood, your utility, or your social standing. It is a constant. This means a friend loves you when you are prospering and when you are bankrupt, when you are celebrated and when you are slandered, when you are easy to be around and when you are a pain in the neck. This is not to say that a friend endorses your sin or foolishness. Love and flattery are two different things. A true friend is the one who will give you a faithful wound (Prov 27:6). But the love itself, the fundamental commitment to your good, remains. It is an "all times" love. This kind of love is a reflection, however faint, of the love of God for His people, which does not waver based on our performance. It is a covenantal love, a steady loyalty that undergirds the relationship through every season of life.

And a brother is born for adversity.

The second clause moves from the chosen relationship of friendship to the given relationship of kinship. A brother is "born for" adversity. This is a statement of purpose, of design. What are brothers for? They are God's provision for the day of trouble. When the creditors are at the door, when the enemies are at the gate, when sickness lays you low, that is when the bond of blood is meant to show its strength. While a friend's love is constant in all times, a brother's particular function is revealed in the worst of times. It suggests that the true meaning of family is discovered not at the festive table, but in the trenches. Adversity is a test. It reveals whether your brother is a brother in name only, or whether he understands the obligation that comes with a shared name and shared blood. He was born for this moment. This is his duty, his calling. He is not supposed to run from the trouble; he is supposed to run toward it. This is the essence of familial covenant.

Application

This proverb has two immediate applications. First, it is a diagnostic tool for our own relationships. Who are our true friends? Look for the ones who love "at all times," not just when it is easy. Who are our true brothers, whether by blood or in the covenant of the church? Look for the ones who show up when adversity strikes. This proverb should make us profoundly grateful for the loyal souls God has placed in our lives and wisely cautious about the fickle ones.

Second, and more pointedly, it is a mirror for our own souls. Are we this kind of friend? Do we love at all times? Or does our affection and attention fluctuate with the convenience and attractiveness of our friends? Are we this kind of brother? When a family member or a brother in Christ faces adversity, do we see it as our God-given assignment to step into the breach? Or do we make excuses and keep a safe distance? This proverb calls us to a high standard of covenantal faithfulness in all our relationships.

But the ultimate application is found in the gospel. As we read this, we are all convicted of our failures. We have not loved our friends at all times. We have fled from adversity when we should have stood firm with our brothers. We need a friend and a brother who perfectly fulfills this proverb, and we have one in the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the friend who loves at all times, who loved us while we were yet sinners (Rom 5:8) and whose love will never let us go. And He is the brother "born for adversity." He was born into our flesh, into our world of woe, for the express purpose of facing our ultimate adversity, the wrath of God against our sin, on our behalf. He is not ashamed to call us brothers (Heb 2:11). He entered the crucible of the cross for us. Because He has been this friend and this brother to us, we are now freed and empowered by His Spirit to begin to be this kind of friend and brother to others.