The Family as Proving Ground: Text: Proverbs 15:20
Introduction: The Household and the World
The book of Proverbs is intensely practical. It is not a collection of abstract platitudes for needlepoint pillows. It is a divine instruction manual for living skillfully in God's world, and God's world begins, not in the halls of parliament or the groves of academia, but in the home. The family is the first and most basic institution. It is the first church, the first state, the first school, and the first economy. As the family goes, so goes the world. If you get the family wrong, you will get everything else wrong. A society that despises the family unit is a society that is busily sawing off the branch it is sitting on.
Our text today is a sharp, two-edged proverb that cuts right to the heart of this reality. It presents us with two sons, two paths, and two outcomes. It is a diagnostic tool for the health of a family, and by extension, the health of a culture. This verse is not simply about being nice to your parents. It is about the fundamental orientation of a man's heart toward wisdom or folly, and how that orientation is invariably revealed in his relationship to the very people who brought him into the world. The home is the proving ground of character. What a man is at home is what he is. Everything else is just public relations.
We live in an age that has inverted this proverb. It is an age of perpetual adolescence, where foolishness is celebrated as "authenticity" and wisdom is scorned as "judgmental." It is an age where mothers are routinely despised, not just by rebellious sons, but by an entire culture that devalues their unique, God-given role. And fathers are not made glad; they are mocked, sidelined, and told that their leadership is toxic. But God's Word is not subject to the whims of our rebellious age. The standard remains, and the consequences remain. This proverb sets before us a stark choice: wisdom that builds up, or folly that tears down.
The Text
A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish man despises his mother.
(Proverbs 15:20 LSB)
The Joy of a Wise Son (v. 20a)
The first clause sets the positive standard:
"A wise son makes a father glad..." (Proverbs 15:20a)
Let us be clear about what biblical wisdom is. It is not about having a high IQ or a string of academic degrees. The world is full of highly educated fools. Biblical wisdom, the Hebrew chokmah, is the skill of living life in a godly way. It is the fear of the Lord (Proverbs 9:10). It is knowing God's standards and applying them to the gritty realities of everyday life, from handling money to controlling your tongue to raising your own children. A wise son is one who has received his father's instruction, which is ultimately God's instruction, and has built his life upon it.
And the result of this wisdom is that it "makes a father glad." This gladness is not the superficial happiness of a father whose son just made the varsity football team or got into a prestigious law school. Those things are fine, but this is a deeper, more profound joy. It is the joy of seeing your life's work, your instruction, your prayers, and your discipline bear fruit in the next generation. It is the covenantal joy of seeing the faith passed down. The father represents the headship, the authority, and the doctrinal integrity of the home. When a son walks in wisdom, he is honoring the entire structure that God ordained for his upbringing. He is validating his father's leadership. He is demonstrating that the family's legacy of faith and righteousness will continue. This is the kind of gladness that brings a father deep, settled peace before God.
This is what every Christian father should long for. Not for his son to be successful in the world's eyes, but for him to be wise in God's eyes. This is the gladness of a man who knows that his son is a stable, trustworthy, God-fearing man who will lead his own family in righteousness. This is a joy that echoes into eternity.
The Contempt of a Foolish Man (v. 20b)
The second clause presents the dark alternative, the path of the fool.
"...But a foolish man despises his mother." (Proverbs 15:20b LSB)
Notice the contrast. The first clause speaks of a "wise son," but the second speaks of a "foolish man." The fool has grown up, but he has not grown wise. He is a man in body, but a fool in character. And how does his folly manifest? He "despises his mother."
Why the mother? The father represents the headship and authority of the family, but the mother represents the heart, the nurture, the comfort, and the glory of the home. She is the one who carried him, nursed him, and tended to his needs in a thousand unseen ways. To despise one's mother is to despise one's own roots. It is to hold in contempt the very source of your life and nurture. The word for "despises" here is a strong one. It means to hold in contempt, to disdain, to consider worthless. It is an act of profound arrogance and ingratitude.
This contempt can take many forms. It can be overt disrespect, mockery, and rebellion. But it can also be more subtle. It can be the quiet embarrassment of a son who thinks he has outgrown his simple, godly mother. It can be the neglect of a man who is too busy with his own important life to call her or care for her in her old age. It is the attitude of a man who sees his mother not as a crown to the family, but as a ball and chain.
This despising of the mother is the mark of a fool because it is a rebellion against the created order. God established the family with complementary roles. The father leads, and the mother nurtures. To despise the mother is to attack God's design. It is to say that nurture, tenderness, and domestic glory are worthless. And a man who despises his mother will almost certainly despise his wife. He will be a man who does not know how to honor women, because he failed the first and most basic test. His folly in the home will radiate outward into all his other relationships. It is a sure sign of a heart that is out of fellowship with God.
The Two Paths and the Gospel
This proverb, like all of Proverbs, ultimately points us to Christ. He is the only truly and perfectly Wise Son. He made His Father glad in all things. He said, "I always do the things that are pleasing to Him" (John 8:29). He submitted perfectly to His Father's will, even to the point of death on a cross. In His relationship with His earthly parents, He was also perfect. Even in the agony of the crucifixion, His thoughts turned to the care of His mother, Mary. He did not despise her, but honored her, entrusting her to the care of the apostle John (John 19:26-27).
Jesus is the perfect model of the wise son. And all of us, in our natural state, are the foolish man. We have all, in some way, despised the wisdom of our elders. We have all dishonored our parents, whether in thought, word, or deed. We have all preferred our own foolish way to the path of wisdom. We have all brought grief instead of gladness. Our rebellion against our earthly parents is just a symptom of our deeper rebellion against our Heavenly Father.
The law, as summarized in the fifth commandment, "Honor your father and your mother," condemns us all. But the gospel is the good news that the Wise Son, Jesus Christ, perfectly fulfilled this law on our behalf. He took the curse that our foolishness deserved so that we could receive the blessing that His wisdom earned.
Therefore, the path to becoming a wise son is not through mere moral effort. It is not about gritting your teeth and trying harder to be nice to your mom. The path begins with repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. It begins when you confess that you are the fool in this proverb and you cast yourself on the mercy of God. When you are united to Christ by faith, His wisdom is credited to your account. The Holy Spirit begins a work of transformation in your heart, turning you from a fool who despises into a son who honors.
For the young men here, the application is direct. Look at how you treat your parents, particularly your mother. Is there contempt in your heart? Is there neglect? Repent of it. Go to them and ask for forgiveness. Understand that honoring your parents is not optional for the Christian. It is central. It is the first commandment with a promise: "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land" (Ephesians 6:2-3). A blessed life is tied to this.
For the fathers, your duty is to raise wise sons who will make you glad. This means you must be a wise father. You must instruct them in the fear of the Lord. You must model for them what it means to honor a woman by the way you love and cherish your wife, their mother. And for all of us, let us look to Christ, the Wise Son, and praise God that through His perfect life and sacrificial death, even foolish men can be forgiven, transformed, and made into sons who make their Heavenly Father glad.