Commentary - Proverbs 14:10

Bird's-eye view

Proverbs 14:10 is a striking statement about the fundamental individuality of the human experience. It teaches a profound truth about the limits of human empathy and understanding. The verse is neatly divided into two parallel clauses, one dealing with sorrow and the other with joy. Both point to the same reality: there is a chamber within every human heart that is inaccessible to outsiders. Your deepest griefs and your highest joys are, in the final analysis, your own. This is not a counsel of despair, leading to isolation, but rather a sober assessment of reality. It ought to drive us to the one who does know our hearts perfectly, and that is God Himself. While we can and should sympathize and rejoice with one another, we must always recognize that our understanding of another's soul is, at best, a rough approximation.

This proverb serves as a necessary corrective to two opposite errors. The first is the error of sentimentalism, which believes that perfect empathy is possible if we just try hard enough. The second is the error of stoic individualism, which uses this truth as an excuse to never try to enter into the pains or gladness of others. The Christian path is to acknowledge the truth of this proverb while still obeying the biblical commands to bear one another's burdens and rejoice with those who rejoice. We do so knowing our limitations, which keeps us humble and drives us to prayer for our brethren, entrusting them to the only one who can truly intermeddle with their hearts.

Outline

Context In Proverbs

The book of Proverbs is a collection of wisdom sayings, designed to teach us how to navigate the world in the fear of the Lord. These are not absolute promises in the way a covenant promise from God is, but rather inspired generalizations about how the world, under God's governance, typically works. Proverbs 14 is a chapter full of contrasts: wisdom and folly, righteousness and wickedness, prudence and rashness. Verse 10 fits squarely within this pattern by presenting the internal, unshareable realities of bitterness and joy. It follows verses that discuss the outward appearances of things, like the house of the wicked versus the tent of the upright (v. 11), and precedes a verse that warns that even in laughter the heart may be sorrowful (v. 13). This context emphasizes that we cannot judge by mere appearances, because the truest realities of a person's life are internal and known only to them and to God.

Key Issues

Commentary

Proverbs 14:10

10 The heart knows its own bitterness, And a stranger does not share its gladness.

The heart knows its own bitterness... The first clause deals with the sharp and personal nature of sorrow. The word "heart" here refers to the inner man, the seat of the will, the intellect, and the emotions. It is the control room of the soul. And this proverb tells us that this control room is a private one. The "bitterness" spoken of is not just mild disappointment, but deep anguish, grief, and vexation of spirit. Every individual has a unique capacity for pain and a unique history of hurts. When we encounter trials, a common temptation is to cry out, "You don't know what this is like!" And the Bible here agrees. They don't. To know what it is like to be another person, you would have to be that person. This is a self-evident truth rooted in our creation as distinct individuals. This reality should not lead us to self-pity or to nursing our grievances in isolation. Rather, it should humble us. Your particular bitterness is tailored for you, and while others can offer comfort, only God can enter into the depths of it with you. He knows your frame; He remembers that you are dust. And more than that, in Christ, we have a High Priest who was tempted in all points as we are, yet without sin. He doesn't just sympathize by analogy; He knows experientially what human suffering is.

And a stranger does not share its gladness. The second clause mirrors the first, but on the other side of the emotional ledger. The word "stranger" here means any other person, anyone outside of your own skin. The principle of individuality holds true for joy just as it does for sorrow. Another person cannot "intermeddle" (as the KJV has it) with your joy. They cannot fully partake of it or experience it as you do. Think of the joy of a sinner at his conversion, the deep relief and gratitude that floods his soul. A brother can rejoice with him, and he certainly should, but he cannot feel that specific joy in the same way. Think of the quiet satisfaction of a job well done, or the unique gladness a husband and wife share in their own particular love. These are glories that are, in a sense, non-transferable. This is not a bad thing; it is the way God has made the world. It protects a certain sacred space within each of us. And again, this should not make us hoard our joys. We are commanded to rejoice with those who rejoice. But we do so knowing that our participation is an echo, not the original sound. This keeps us from envy. You don't know the full measure of another man's joy, just as you don't know the full measure of his bitterness. Therefore, comparing your lot with his is a fool's game. The only one who can fully enter into your gladness is the one who gave it to you, the Father of lights from whom every good and perfect gift comes down.

Application

The primary application of this proverb is humility. It cuts the legs out from under our pride, which so often manifests in complaining and envy. You complain because you feel that no one understands your troubles. This proverb says, "Correct. They don't. Now what?" The answer is to take that unique bitterness to the Lord, who does understand it perfectly. You envy because you see another's joy and assume his life is all sunshine and roses. This proverb says, "You don't know the half of it." You see his gladness, but you are a stranger to it, and you are most certainly a stranger to the bitterness his own heart knows.

So, we are to stop comparing ourselves among ourselves, which is not wise. Instead, we should be faithful in the particular lot God has assigned to us. We should thank God for our specific joys, and we should trust God with our specific sorrows. In our relationships with others, this proverb frees us to offer genuine, humble sympathy. We can say, "I don't know exactly what you are going through, but I am with you, and I will pray for you to the one who does." It also allows us to rejoice genuinely with others, without the taint of envy, because we recognize their joy as a specific gift from God to them. We can be glad for them, celebrating the grace they have received, without feeling that it somehow diminishes our own portion.

Ultimately, this verse points us to the gospel. In our sin, we were utterly isolated, each of us knowing a bitterness that would lead to eternal death. But God did the impossible. In the incarnation, the Son of God became a man. He did not remain a stranger. He took on our flesh and blood, and on the cross, He bore our specific griefs and carried our specific sorrows. And in the resurrection, He secured a joy that we can now share in, not as strangers, but as sons and daughters. Through the Holy Spirit, we have fellowship with the Father and the Son, and true, albeit imperfect, fellowship with one another. We are no longer strangers to the household of God. One day, in the new heavens and the new earth, all the bitterness will be gone, and we will share in a joy that is both perfectly personal and perfectly communal, to the glory of God the Father.