Commentary - 2 Samuel 13:1-22

Bird's-eye view

In this dark and tragic chapter, the sword that the prophet Nathan promised would never depart from David's house (2 Sam. 12:10) is unsheathed for the first time, not by a foreign enemy, but within the king's own family. This is the story of the unraveling of David's household, and it is the direct and bitter fruit of David's own sin with Bathsheba. The narrative details the incestuous rape of Tamar by her half-brother Amnon, an act born of unchecked lust and enabled by wicked counsel. The event is a catastrophic failure of headship at every level: Amnon fails to govern his passions, his friend Jonadab fails to give wise counsel, and most significantly, King David fails to execute justice as a father and as the king. The chapter is a raw depiction of human depravity, showing how lust devours and destroys, turning quickly to hatred. The events here set the stage for the subsequent tragedies of Absalom's revenge and his eventual rebellion, demonstrating that unconfessed and undealt-with sin in a family, especially in the father, will inevitably erupt into open disaster.

The story is a case study in the anatomy of sin. We see a sinful desire (lust), which is then nurtured by isolation and self-pity. This desire is then given a voice and a strategy by a worldly-wise counselor. The plan is executed through deception and manipulation, culminating in brutal violence. And in the aftermath, we see the true nature of the initial sin revealed in hatred and cruelty, followed by a cowardly and unjust silence from those in authority. Tamar is the only righteous character in the story, and she is utterly crushed by the wickedness of the men who should have protected her.

Outline

Context In 2 Samuel

This chapter marks a significant turning point in the entire Davidic narrative. The first half of 2 Samuel details David's rise, his consolidation of the kingdom, and God's covenant promise to him. But the great pivot is David's sin with Bathsheba and his murder of Uriah in chapter 11. In chapter 12, Nathan the prophet confronts David, and while David repents and is forgiven, Nathan pronounces a series of covenantal consequences: the child will die, the sword will not depart his house, and his own wives will be taken publicly. Chapter 13 is the first fulfillment of that dreadful prophecy. The glory of David's reign begins its long, tragic decline here. The sin he committed in secret is now beginning to bear public and familial fruit. The chaos in his own home will eventually spill out into civil war, all of it tracing back to his own failure to rule himself before God.

Key Issues

The Sword Comes Home

When a man in a position of high authority commits a grievous sin, the consequences do not remain private. David was the king, the father of his nation, and the father of his own household. When he took another man's wife and murdered him, he set a pattern. He taught his sons, by his powerful example, that a king is above the law and that a powerful man can take what he wants. He might have repented in sackcloth and ashes, but the lesson had already been learned by his children. Amnon saw his father take a woman he desired, and so he determined to do the same. Absalom saw his father murder a man to cover his sin, and he would later do the same.

This chapter is the story of David's chickens coming home to roost. The sword God promised is now drawn, and the first victim is David's own daughter, at the hand of David's own son. Every detail of this story is saturated with the consequences of David's earlier failure. His inability to act, his passive anger, his refusal to bring judgment upon his son for this heinous crime, all stem from the fact that his own sin has cut the legs out from under his moral authority. How could he condemn Amnon for a sexual sin when his own was so recent and so public? The result is a paralyzed father, a ruined daughter, a murderous son, and a simmering hatred that will soon tear the kingdom apart.

Verse by Verse Commentary

1-2 Now it happened afterwards that Absalom the son of David had a beautiful sister whose name was Tamar, and Amnon the son of David loved her. And Amnon was so distressed because of his sister Tamar that he made himself ill, for she was a virgin. So it was hard in Amnon’s sight to do anything to her.

The story begins by identifying the key players, all children of David. The word translated "loved" here is a lie from the start. Amnon did not love Tamar; he was consumed with lust for her. Love seeks the good of the beloved, but Amnon's emotion is entirely self-referential. He is distressed, he makes himself ill. It is all about him. His sickness is not a noble pining, but the corrosive effect of a sinful obsession he refuses to master. The text notes that she was a virgin and that it was "hard" to get to her, indicating that she was properly protected within the royal household. This was not an opportunity that simply presented itself; it was a crime that would require deliberate, malicious planning.

3-4 But Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother; and Jonadab was a very shrewd man. And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so depressed morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Then Amnon said to him, “I am in love with Tamar, the sister of my brother Absalom.”

Every wicked Ahab has a Jezebel, and every weak Amnon has a Jonadab. Jonadab is described as "very shrewd," but his wisdom is the cunning of the serpent. It is cleverness divorced from righteousness, which is the definition of folly. He sees the crown prince moping and approaches him with feigned concern. Notice how he butters him up: "O son of the king." He is a flatterer and an enabler. Amnon confesses his "love," and instead of rebuking him for his incestuous desire, Jonadab immediately begins to scheme. This is the friend who will tell you what you want to hear, who will help you get what you want, even if it destroys you and everyone around you.

5-6 Jonadab then said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill; and your father will come to see you, and you will say to him, ‘Please let my sister Tamar come and give me some food to eat, and let her prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat from her hand.’ ” So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill; and the king came to see him, and Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.”

The plot is pathetic in its deception. The heir to the throne of Israel is reduced to playing sick in bed. The scheme is designed to manipulate the king's fatherly affection and to isolate Tamar under the guise of sisterly care. The request is specific and perverse: he wants her to prepare the food "in my sight" and to eat "from her hand." This is not about nourishment; it is about the fetishistic desire to see her, to be near her, and to create a scene of false intimacy before he springs his trap. David, tragically, falls for it completely.

7-9 Then David sent to the house for Tamar, saying, “Go now to your brother Amnon’s house, and prepare food for him.” So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, and he was lying down. And she took dough, kneaded it, made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. And she took the pan and dished them out before him, but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, “Have everyone go out from me.” So everyone went out from him.

Here we see David's failure as a father in bright relief. Without a second thought, he sends his daughter into a private space with a man he knows is sick with some kind of distress. He is the king; he should be the protector of his people, starting with his own daughters. But he is oblivious. Tamar, being an obedient daughter, does exactly as she is told. She dutifully prepares the meal. When she serves it, Amnon refuses to eat, revealing that the food was never the point. His command to clear the room is chilling. The trap is now set.

10-12 Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand.” So Tamar took the cakes which she had made and brought them into the bedroom to her brother Amnon. Then she brought them near to him to eat, but he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” But she said to him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this disgraceful thing!

The pretense is dropped. Amnon moves her from the public room to the bedroom, the final step in her isolation. When he grabs her, Tamar's response is remarkable for its clarity and righteousness. She appeals to him on multiple levels. First, as her brother, reminding him of his duty to protect her. Second, she appeals to the law of God and the custom of their people: "such a thing is not done in Israel." This was a grievous sin, a disgraceful thing that would bring shame upon the whole nation. She is the theological and moral center of the story.

13-14 As for me, where could I get rid of my reproach? And as for you, you will be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. So now, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” But he was not willing to listen to her voice. Now he was stronger than she, so he violated her and lay with her.

Her argument continues. She appeals to her own future, which this act would destroy. She appeals to his reputation, warning him that this will make him a pariah. And finally, in a last desperate attempt, she suggests a lawful path, saying the king would likely permit their marriage. While marriage to a half-sister was later forbidden in Leviticus, it was not unprecedented at this time in history (e.g., Abraham and Sarah). Her point is that there is a right way and a wrong way to do things. But Amnon is not interested in reason or righteousness. His lust has deafened him. The argument concludes with brute force: "he was stronger than she." This is the final answer of a tyrant and a fool.

15-17 Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Get up, go away!” But she said to him, “No, because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me!” But he was not willing to listen to her. Then he called his young man who attended him and said, “Now cast this woman out of my presence, and lock the door behind her.”

This verse is a masterclass in the psychology of sin. The moment the act is over, the supposed "love" evaporates and is replaced by a hatred of even greater intensity. Why? Because lust is selfish. It is not about the other person at all. Once he gratified his desire, Tamar was no longer an object of fantasy but a living, breathing reminder of his own wickedness and shame. He could not stand the sight of her. So he treats her like trash, telling her to get out. Tamar, again with incredible insight, recognizes that casting her out is an even greater sin. The rape could have potentially been covered by a marriage, but throwing her out publicly confirms her ruin. He doesn't just violate her; he destroys her future. His final act is one of utter contempt, having his servant throw her out like garbage and locking the door.

18-19 Now she had on a long-sleeved garment; for in this manner the virgin daughters of the king dressed themselves in robes. Then his attendant took her out and locked the door behind her. Then Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her long-sleeved garment which was on her; and she put her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.

The long-sleeved garment was a symbol of her royal, virginal status. By tearing it, she is publicly declaring that her status has been violently taken from her. This, combined with the ashes on her head and her loud crying, was the ancient equivalent of a formal accusation. She was not hiding in shame. She was walking through the streets of Jerusalem announcing that a great crime had been committed. She was demanding justice.

20-22 So Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now keep silent, my sister, he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart.” So Tamar remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom’s house. Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry. But Absalom did not speak to Amnon either good or bad; for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar.

The final verses show the complete failure of the other men in her life. Absalom immediately understands what happened, but his advice is cynical and self-serving. "Keep silent." He tells her not to take it to heart, which is a cruel and impossible demand. He is not interested in justice for Tamar; he is interested in using this offense as fuel for his own ambition and hatred. He will bide his time. And then there is David. The king hears everything, and he is "very angry." But that is all. There is no action. According to the Law of Moses (Lev. 20:17), the punishment for incest was to be cut off. As a violent rape, it certainly warranted death (Deut. 22:25). David, as king, was responsible for executing this justice. But he does nothing. His anger is impotent. And his inaction is the final injustice against his daughter Tamar, and it is the green light for Absalom's future vengeance.

Application

This chapter is a stark warning against the private cultivation of lust. Amnon's sin began in his heart, where he nursed a wicked desire until it made him physically ill. We must learn to put sin to death when it is small, when it is just a thought, before it grows into a monster that consumes us and destroys others. We are to make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts (Rom. 13:14). This also warns us about our choice of friends. A true friend will speak the truth in love, even when it is hard. A false friend, a Jonadab, will flatter us and help us on our way to ruin.

Most pointedly, this is a lesson for fathers. David's passivity is the central sin that allows the tragedy to metastasize. He was compromised by his own past, and so he failed to protect his daughter and failed to judge his son. Fathers have a non-negotiable duty to rule their homes in the fear of God, to protect their children, especially their daughters, and to administer swift, righteous discipline when sin occurs. An anger that does not lead to righteous action is just a sinful emotion. When fathers abdicate their authority, the void is filled by chaos, bitterness, and revenge. Our only hope is our perfect Father in heaven, and our perfect elder brother, the Lord Jesus, who did not fail to protect His bride, but laid down His life for her, and who will one day execute perfect justice on all wickedness.