The Stolen Inheritance and the Father's Veto Text: Exodus 22:16-17
Introduction: Our Bankrupt Sexual Landscape
We live in a culture that has declared total war on sexual sanity. The modern world treats sex as a recreational activity, a consumer good, a form of self-expression entirely detached from covenant, consequence, or family. Our system of dating is utterly bankrupt. It is designed to train young men and women not for marriage, but for a series of divorces before they ever get to the altar. It encourages emotional and physical entanglement without any covenantal fences, and it treats the authority of a father as a quaint, patriarchal joke.
The world tells our young men that they can have the privileges of marriage without the responsibilities of marriage. It tells our young women that their purity is a thing to be discarded, not a treasure to be guarded. The result is a landscape littered with broken hearts, broken homes, and the blood of millions of aborted children, the final sacrament of our sexual revolution. We have sown the wind of autonomy, and we are reaping the whirlwind of chaos.
Into this madness, the law of God speaks with a bracing and scandalous clarity. When we come to a passage like Exodus 22, our first temptation, conditioned as we are by our sentimental age, is to recoil. It seems harsh, transactional, and foreign. But this is because our moral taste buds have been ruined by a diet of sugary poison. God's law is not oppressive; it is a guardrail. It is not designed to crush us, but to protect us from crushing ourselves. It establishes order, assigns responsibility, and provides for genuine restitution. This law concerning the seduction of a virgin is a direct polemic against the very chaos we are currently drowning in. It shows us a world where actions have consequences, where men are held accountable, and where fathers are the God-ordained protectors of their daughters.
This is not some dusty, irrelevant case law. This is divine wisdom. It establishes a framework for understanding sexual sin not as a private mistake, but as a covenantal and familial offense that requires a covenantal and familial solution. It is a lesson in responsibility, restitution, and righteous authority.
The Text
If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins.
(Exodus 22:16-17 LSB)
The Crime and the Consequence (v. 16a)
We begin with the offense itself.
"If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged and lies with her..." (Exodus 22:16a)
The first thing to notice is who bears the primary responsibility. The law says "if a man seduces a virgin." The initiative and the culpability are laid squarely at the man's feet. This is not to say the woman is entirely without fault, but the law recognizes that the man is the head, the initiator, the one who leads. In our effeminate age, we have a bad habit of blaming women for men's sins. But God's law holds the man accountable for his leadership, whether for good or for ill. He enticed her, he persuaded her, he led her into this sin.
The law specifies a "virgin who is not engaged." This is important. If she were engaged, the crime would be adultery, and the penalty would be death (Deut. 22:23-24). This tells us that God takes covenantal vows with deadly seriousness. But here, the situation is different. The woman is a virgin, which the Bible treats as a priceless inheritance, a treasure that a father guards and a daughter brings into her marriage. The man's act of seduction is therefore an act of theft. He has stolen something of immense value, not just from the woman, but from her father and her future husband. He has damaged her reputation and her future prospects. This is not a trivial "oops" moment. It is a grave offense against the family and the covenant community.
Because this sin has real-world consequences, it requires a real-world remedy. God is not interested in empty apologies. He demands restitution. And the restitution here is severe and lifelong.
"...he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife." (Exodus 22:16b)
This is the principle of "you broke it, you bought it." The man's responsibility is not discharged with a bouquet of flowers and a promise to "do better." He is now bound to this woman in the most permanent way possible. He must marry her. The "dowry" here is the Hebrew word mohar, which is better translated as "bride price." This is not the man buying a wife like a piece of property. The bride price was a payment made to the bride's father as a compensation for the loss of his daughter and as a security for her good treatment. In this case, it functions as a punitive fine and a seal on a forced covenant. The man does not get to walk away. His sin has created a lifelong obligation. He must provide for her, protect her, and be her husband for the rest of his days. This is a far cry from our modern no-fault approach to sexual sin, where the man often walks away with no consequences, leaving the woman to deal with the emotional, social, and often physical aftermath alone.
The Father's Protective Veto (v. 17)
But the law does not end there. It introduces a crucial element that our autonomous age cannot comprehend: the authority of the father.
"If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins." (Exodus 22:17 LSB)
This is a staggering assertion of parental authority. The man may be obligated to marry the woman, but the father is not obligated to accept him as a son-in-law. The father has the absolute right of refusal. This is the protective shield that God places around a daughter. The father is the guardian of his household, and that includes protecting his daughter from a lifetime yoked to a fool, a scoundrel, or an unbeliever.
Think about what this means. Even after a sexual relationship has occurred, the father's authority is not nullified. He can step in and say, "No. You will not have my daughter. You have proven yourself to be a man of low character, and I will not entrust her life to you." This is the furthest thing from the modern caricature of patriarchy as oppressive. This is patriarchy as protection. The father has the duty to assess the character of the man and to veto a union that would be destructive to his daughter.
This is a direct rebuke to our entire system of romantic individualism, where a young couple believes their "love" is the only thing that matters, and parents are expected to simply write the checks and smile for the pictures. Scripture teaches that sons marry, but daughters are given in marriage. The father is not a fifth wheel at the wedding; he is a gatekeeper of the covenant.
But notice, the father's veto does not let the man off the hook. "He shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins." Whether the marriage happens or not, the restitution must be made. He still pays the bride price. He stole something valuable, and he must pay for it in full. The standard price was fifty shekels of silver (Deut. 22:29), a very significant sum of money. The financial penalty stands as a public declaration of his guilt and as a provision for the woman whose marriage prospects he has harmed. There is no escape from responsibility.
Restitution, Not Revenge
It is essential that we see this law through the biblical lens of restitution, not personal revenge. The goal is not simply to punish the man, but to restore a measure of justice and order to a situation that has been disordered by sin. The law aims to repair the damage as much as possible.
If the marriage proceeds, the man is forced to take responsibility for his actions in the most tangible way. He cannot treat the woman as a disposable pleasure. He is bound to her for life.
If the father refuses the marriage, the financial payment serves multiple purposes. It is a penalty that deters such behavior. It is a public acknowledgment of the wrong done. And it provides a sort of compensation to the family for the damage to their daughter's honor and future. It is a practical, earthy justice that our abstract, therapeutic culture has forgotten how to administer.
This principle of restitution is central to God's character. Sin always creates a debt. Forgiveness, under God, does not eliminate the need for restitution; it makes true restitution possible. When Zacchaeus was converted, his first impulse was to declare, "Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold" (Luke 19:8). Grace does not erase consequences; it empowers us to make things right.
The Wisdom of God for Today
So what does this ancient case law have to say to us? We are not ancient Israel, a civil theocracy. We cannot enforce these specific civil penalties. But the Westminster Confession rightly teaches that the "general equity" of these judicial laws is still binding. The underlying principles are timeless wisdom from God.
First, it teaches us that men are responsible. Men, you are called to lead, protect, and provide. When you lead a woman into sin, you are sinning against your very nature. You will be held accountable by God for your leadership.
Second, sexual sin is not a private matter. It has public, familial, and covenantal consequences. It is a theft that requires restitution. We must abandon the world's flimsy view of sex and see it with the weight that God gives it.
Third, fathers have a God-given authority and a solemn duty to be involved in their children's lives, particularly in the courtship and marriage of their daughters. Fathers, you are not just chauffeurs and checkbooks. You are guardians. You are to know the men who are interested in your daughters. You are to evaluate their character, their faith, and their ability to provide. And yes, you have the authority to say no. To abdicate this role is to be derelict in your duty. It is to leave your daughters exposed and unprotected on the battlefield of modern dating.
Ultimately, this points us to the gospel. We are all like this virgin, seduced by the serpent in the garden. We have been defiled by sin. We were betrothed to Another, but we have played the harlot. And our sin created a debt we could never pay. But Jesus Christ, our true Bridegroom, did not refuse us. Instead, He came and paid the ultimate bride price. He did not pay with silver or gold, but with His own precious blood (1 Peter 1:18-19). He made full restitution for our treachery. He took us, defiled as we were, and washed us clean, presenting us to His Father as a pure and spotless bride. He took the full consequence of our sin upon Himself, binding Himself to us in an everlasting covenant. This is the ultimate story of responsibility and restitution. And because He has done this for us, we are called to live out these principles of covenantal faithfulness, responsibility, and protective love in our own families.