Bone of My Bones: The Architecture of Marriage Text: Genesis 2:18-25
Introduction: The Unraveling of Everything
We are living in the middle of a great unraveling. Our civilization is coming apart at the seams, and the central seam that is giving way is the one that God Himself stitched together in the Garden of Eden. I am talking about the institution of marriage. The sexual revolution was not a minor skirmish; it was a declaration of total war against the created order. And the casualties are everywhere: broken homes, confused children, and a generation of young men and women who do not know what a man or a woman is for.
The world tells us that marriage is a fluid contract, a temporary arrangement for personal fulfillment, and that gender is a social construct you can opt out of. This is not just an error; it is high treason against the King of heaven. It is an attempt to edit God's foundational poem, to scribble graffiti all over His architectural blueprint for humanity. And when you reject the blueprint, it is no surprise when the building collapses.
So we must return to the text. We must go back to the beginning, before the fall, before the confusion, before the rebellion, to see what God Himself said and did. This passage in Genesis 2 is not a quaint origins story. It is the manufacturer’s handbook for human flourishing. It lays out for us the divine logic behind the sexes and the institution that joins them together. To ignore this is to choose chaos over order, loneliness over fellowship, and death over life.
Here we see the first problem in creation, the first divine evaluation of something as "not good." And in God's glorious solution to that problem, we see the foundation for every family, every church, and every nation that would ever be.
The Text
Then Yahweh God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” And out of the ground Yahweh God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and He brought each to the man to see what he would call it; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. And the man gave names to all the cattle and to the birds of thesky and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So Yahweh God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. And Yahweh God fashioned the rib, which He had taken from the man, into a woman, and He brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This one finally is bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called Woman, Because this one was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
(Genesis 2:18-25 LSB)
The Divine Diagnosis (v. 18)
The chapter begins with the first negative assessment in all of creation.
"Then Yahweh God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”" (Genesis 2:18)
Up to this point, everything God made was declared "good," and finally "very good." But here, God Himself identifies a problem. It is not a flaw in His creation, but rather an incompletion. Adam's solitude is "not good." Man was created in the image of a triune God, a God who is eternally in fellowship with Himself. Therefore, man was created for fellowship. To be alone was to be unlike God in a crucial respect.
So God declares His intention: "I will make him a helper suitable for him." Let us dismantle the feminist caricature of this phrase immediately. The word for "helper" is the Hebrew word ezer. This is not the word for a subordinate, an assistant, or a drudge. This word is most often used in the Old Testament to describe God Himself as our helper (Psalm 33:20, 70:5). When Israel needed military rescue, they cried out for God to be their ezer. It is a word of strength, of necessary and powerful aid. The woman is created to be a strong ally.
And what kind of helper? One who is "suitable for him." The Hebrew is kenegdo. It means corresponding to him, like a mirror image, or face-to-face. She is his counterpart. She is equal to him in essence and dignity, yet different from him in function and role. She is not a clone, nor is she an inferior. She is the other half that makes the whole complete. This is the foundation of complementarianism. It is not a system of oppression, but a beautiful, interlocking design for mutual strength and flourishing.
The Parade of Insufficiency (v. 19-20)
Before God provides the solution, He first makes Adam feel the full weight of the problem.
"And out of the ground Yahweh God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and He brought each to the man to see what he would call it... but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:19-20 LSB)
This is a magnificent scene. Adam, in his capacity as God's vice-regent, exercises his dominion by naming the animals. To name something is to assert authority over it, to define its nature. This is Adam doing his kingly work. But this parade of creation serves a second, crucial purpose. It is a divine object lesson. As each creature passes before him, from the lion to the eagle to the lamb, the truth becomes more and more apparent. None of these are kenegdo. None of them correspond to him.
The dog may be man's best friend, but he is a terrible conversationalist. The horse provides strength, but cannot share his heart. This entire exercise was designed by God to create a profound sense of longing in Adam. He was the king of this world, but he was a king without a queen. He was surrounded by subjects, but had no equal companion. The ache of his solitude was being intentionally magnified so that he would fully appreciate the gift that was to come.
The Divine Surgery and the Glorious Creation (v. 21-22)
With the need fully established, God performs a miracle of intimate creation.
"So Yahweh God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. And Yahweh God fashioned the rib, which He had taken from the man, into a woman, and He brought her to the man." (Genesis 2:21-22 LSB)
God does not form the woman from the dust, as He did the man. He forms her from the man himself. This is a profound statement of their unity. She is not an afterthought, but the glorious climax of His creative work. As the old Puritan commentator Matthew Henry noted, woman was not taken from man's head to rule over him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from his side to be his equal, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.
The word for "fashioned" or "made" is the Hebrew word for building or architecture. God, the master architect, builds the woman. She is God's masterpiece. This act of divine surgery is also a picture of the gospel. The first Adam is put into a deep sleep, his side is opened, and from that wound, his bride is brought forth. The last Adam, Jesus Christ, was put into the sleep of death on the cross, his side was pierced, and from that wound flowed the water and the blood from which His bride, the Church, is built (John 19:34).
And notice, God Himself "brought her to the man." This is the first wedding ceremony, with God Himself officiating and giving away the bride. Marriage is not a human invention; it is a divine institution from the very beginning.
The Poetic Eruption (v. 23)
Adam's response upon waking is not a grunt of sleepy acknowledgment. It is an explosion of poetic joy.
"This one finally is bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called Woman, Because this one was taken out of Man." (Genesis 2:23 LSB)
These are the first human words recorded in Scripture, and they are a poem. Adam sees her and he understands immediately. "This one, at last!" After the long parade of animals, here is the one who corresponds to him. He recognizes her as being of the same substance as himself: "bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh." This is a covenantal declaration of kinship and solidarity.
And then, he names her. "She shall be called Woman (Ishshah), because she was taken out of Man (Ish)." This is not an act of domination, but of loving, protective headship. He defines her in relation to himself, just as she was created from him. Their identities are inextricably linked. He is not fully himself without her, and she derives her very name from him. This is the beautiful asymmetry of God's design.
The Divine Commentary and the Marital Norm (v. 24-25)
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." (Genesis 2:24-25 LSB)
Verse 24 is Moses, under the inspiration of the Spirit, drawing out the universal principle. This event in the garden establishes the pattern for all time. A man is to "leave" his primary loyalty to his parents and "cleave" to his wife. Cleaving means to pursue, to hold fast, to be glued together. This is the establishment of a new, primary family unit. And the result of this leaving and cleaving is that they become "one flesh." This refers to more than just the sexual union, though it certainly includes it. It is a comprehensive, covenantal union of two persons into a new single entity.
And this glorious union is characterized by perfect innocence and intimacy. "They were both naked and were not ashamed." This is not primarily about a lack of clothing. It is about a lack of barriers. It speaks of total vulnerability, transparency, and trust. There was no fear, no guilt, no shame, and nothing to hide. This is what sin would destroy, and what the gospel of Jesus Christ begins to restore in our marriages and in our relationship with God.
Conclusion: Rebuilding the Ruins
The modern world is in ruins because it has declared war on this passage. It wants to erase the distinctions between Ish and Ishshah. It wants to redefine the "one flesh" union to include any combination of people it pleases. It wants to replace leaving and cleaving with temporary cohabitation and no-fault divorce. And the result is a world that is naked and deeply, profoundly ashamed.
The only way back is to repent. We must repent of our rebellion and submit to the Creator's design. Men must learn to be the loving, protective heads that Adam was created to be, willing to have their sides opened for the good of their brides. Women must embrace their glorious and strong calling to be an ezer, a suitable helper, building up their homes and husbands.
And for all of us, married or single, the ultimate reality is the marriage to which this all points: the marriage of Christ and His Church. He is the last Adam, who gave His own flesh and bone for His bride. We are His Ishshah, taken from His side, bearing His name. And in Him, and only in Him, can we find the healing that allows us to stand before God, and one another, naked and finally unashamed.