The Gospel Displayed at Home Text: 1 Peter 3:1-7
Introduction: The Household as Theater
We have come to a passage that our modern world finds somewhere between baffling and outrageous. And because the spirit of the age has so thoroughly infiltrated the church, many Christians who ought to know better also find these words difficult. They want to qualify them, or explain them away, or treat them as a cultural relic from a bygone era, like pottery shards or old coins. But the Word of God is living and active, and it is not constrained by the fleeting opinions of any generation, least of all our own rebellious and confused one. The Bible's teaching on marriage is not a bug; it is a feature. It is not an embarrassment to be apologized for, but rather a glorious picture of the gospel to be displayed.
Peter is writing to Christians scattered abroad, living as exiles. He has been instructing them on how to live in a hostile world, how to conduct themselves before pagan authorities and unbelieving masters. Now he brings his instruction into the most intimate of spheres: the home. He understands that the Christian household is a primary theater for the display of the gospel. How a Christian wife lives with her unbelieving husband, and how a Christian husband lives with his wife, is a powerful testimony. It is evangelism lived out. Every marriage, everywhere, is a picture of Christ and the church. The only question is whether that picture is a faithful portrait or a slanderous caricature.
Our culture preaches a gospel of self-fulfillment, of personal autonomy, of rights and demands. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a gospel of self-sacrifice, of covenantal faithfulness, of grace and duty. These two gospels are at war, and that war is fought on many fronts, but one of the most crucial is the Christian home. What Peter lays out here is not a set of oppressive rules designed to crush the human spirit. It is the divine choreography for the dance of redemption, played out between a man and a woman. It is how God designed the world to work, and when we submit to His design, we find not bondage, but liberty and life.
The Text
In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, as they observe your pure conduct with fear. Your adornment must not be merely external, braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on garments; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children if you do good, NOT FEARING ANY INTIMIDATION.
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
(1 Peter 3:1-7 LSB)
The Evangelistic Power of a Submissive Wife (vv. 1-2)
Peter begins with the wives, and he starts with a challenging command connected to a glorious promise.
"In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, as they observe your pure conduct with fear." (1 Peter 3:1-2 LSB)
The phrase "in the same way" links this instruction back to the previous chapter, where Peter discussed submission to civil authorities and masters. This is a general principle of Christian living in a fallen world. Submission is the biblical posture for those under authority. But notice the specificity: "be subject to your own husbands." This is not a command for women to be subject to all men. It is a specific, covenantal duty within the marriage bond. This submission is not based on the husband's worthiness or spiritual state. In fact, Peter explicitly applies it to the most difficult of situations: a wife married to a man who is "disobedient to the word," an unbeliever.
And here is the astonishing promise. Such a husband may be "won without a word." This is a direct challenge to the nagging, lecturing, sermonizing wife who thinks she can argue her husband into the kingdom. Peter says that the most powerful apologetic in this situation is not her words, but her conduct. It is a quiet evangelism. The husband is to "observe" her "pure conduct with fear." This "fear" is not terror, but reverential respect. It is a life lived in the fear of God, which produces a purity and a quiet strength that is profoundly attractive and convicting. The unbelieving husband sees a reality in his wife that his own worldview cannot explain. He sees a peace that passes understanding, a respect that he does not deserve, and a purity that is otherworldly. This conduct preaches a more powerful sermon than any she could deliver with her mouth.
The Incorruptible Beauty of the Heart (vv. 3-4)
Peter then contrasts two kinds of beauty, the external and fleeting versus the internal and eternal.
"Your adornment must not be merely external, braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on garments; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:3-4 LSB)
This is not a prohibition against nice clothes or fixing your hair. The word is "merely." The point is about priorities. A woman can spend hours getting her outward appearance just right, but if her heart is a cauldron of bitterness, anxiety, and rebellion, she is not beautiful in the way that matters. God is not impressed with her fashion choices; He is looking at the "hidden person of the heart."
And what does He value? The "incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit." Incorruptible means it does not fade, rust, or decay. A lowly and quiet spirit is not a mousy, spineless personality. It is a spirit that is not agitated, demanding, or anxious. It is a spirit that trusts God. It is gentle strength. This is what is "precious in the sight of God." Our culture celebrates the loud, the demanding, the self-assertive woman. God celebrates the woman whose strength is found in her quiet trust in Him. This inner beauty is the true source of the "pure conduct" that can win a husband.
The Heritage of Holy Women (vv. 5-6)
Peter anchors this instruction not in cultural norms, but in the historic example of godly women throughout salvation history.
"For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being subject to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children if you do good, NOT FEARING ANY INTIMIDATION." (1 Peter 3:5-6 LSB)
This is not a new idea. This is how the "holy women" of old conducted themselves. Their hope was not in their husbands, or their circumstances, or their own strength. Their hope was "in God." And because their hope was in God, they were free to adorn themselves with a submissive spirit. Submission flows from hope in God.
He then gives the prime example: Sarah. She "obeyed Abraham, calling him lord." This reference likely points to Genesis 18:12, where Sarah refers to Abraham as her lord in her thoughts. It was an internal attitude of respect, not just an outward formality. Peter says that Christian wives become Sarah's true daughters when they imitate her faith, which manifests itself in doing good and "not fearing any intimidation." This is a crucial balancing phrase. A godly, submissive wife is not a doormat. She is fearless. Her submission is not born of fear of her husband, but of faith in God. She does what is right, respectfully and without panic, trusting God with the outcome. This is the opposite of a cowering, terrified slave. This is the portrait of a strong woman, a daughter of Sarah.
The Duty of Understanding Husbands (v. 7)
Having addressed the wives, Peter turns to the husbands, and his command is just as counter-cultural and demanding.
"You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." (1 Peter 3:7 LSB)
Again, "in the same way." Husbands are also to live out their role in a way that reflects Christ. His first command is to "live with your wives in an understanding way." This requires study. A husband is to be a student of his wife. He is to know her, to understand her needs, her strengths, her weaknesses. This is the opposite of a brutish, domineering man who treats his wife as a mere object or servant.
He is to do this "as with a weaker vessel." This is where the modern world really recoils. But this is not an insult; it is a call to chivalry. A weaker vessel, like fine china, is not less valuable; it is often more valuable and requires more careful, gentle handling. This weakness is not moral or intellectual, but generally refers to physical strength and disposition. A man who uses his strength to intimidate or crush his wife is not being a man; he is being a monster. A true man uses his strength to protect and cherish.
And why? He is to "show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life." This is the great equalizer. In Christ, there is no male and female in terms of spiritual status. They are joint heirs. They will inherit eternal life together. Her value is not derived from him; it is derived from her status as a daughter of the King. He is to honor her as such. He is a steward of one of God's precious daughters.
Finally, Peter gives a stark warning: do this "so that your prayers will not be hindered." This is staggering. A man's relationship with his wife directly affects his relationship with God. If a husband is harsh, unkind, or ignorant with his wife, God stops listening to his prayers. The line goes dead. It is like static on the line to heaven. A man cannot be in a right relationship with God vertically if he is in a wrong relationship with his wife horizontally. This gives immense dignity to the wife and places a tremendous responsibility on the husband. His piety is tested not just in the prayer closet, but in the living room and the bedroom.
Conclusion: The Dance of the Gospel
These are not two separate sets of instructions, one for wives and one for husbands. They are two parts of one dance. The wife's respectful submission invites and encourages the husband's loving, sacrificial headship. The husband's honorable, understanding leadership creates a secure environment in which the wife's submission can flourish without fear. Each role is designed by God to bless and serve the other.
This is the gospel made visible. A wife who submits to her husband as the church submits to Christ, and a husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. This is a radical, beautiful, and profoundly challenging calling. It is impossible in our own strength. But for those who are "fellow heirs of the grace of life," God provides the grace necessary to live out this glorious picture, a picture that not only brings joy to the home but also preaches a powerful, silent sermon to a watching and desperate world.