The Great Mystery: Marriage as Gospel Text: Ephesians 5:22-33
Introduction: The World's Slanderous Picture
We live in an age that is profoundly confused about what it means to be a man or a woman, and consequently, what it means to be married. The modern world treats marriage as a temporary contract for mutual fulfillment, to be dissolved the moment one party feels their needs are not being met. It is a consumer relationship. But the Bible presents something entirely different. Marriage is not a contract; it is a covenant. It is not a human invention; it is a divine institution. And most importantly, it is not ultimately about you. It is a living, breathing picture of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Every marriage, everywhere in the world, is a picture of Christ and the church. Because of sin and rebellion, many of these pictures are slanderous lies concerning Christ. A domineering husband is preaching a false gospel about a tyrannical Christ. A rebellious wife is preaching a false gospel about a defiant church. An egalitarian marriage, which seeks to erase the glorious distinctions God has made, preaches that Christ and the church are interchangeable, which is a damnable heresy. A husband can never stop talking about Christ and the church. If he is obedient to God, he is preaching the truth; if he does not love his wife, he is speaking apostasy and lies, but he is always talking.
So when we come to a passage like this one in Ephesians 5, we are not coming to a quaint, culturally-bound set of household tips. We are coming to the very heart of the gospel displayed in shoe leather. Paul is not giving us a to-do list for a happier home, though a happy home will be the result. He is explaining how a Spirit-filled life, which he just described in the previous verses, full of psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, full of thanksgiving, and full of mutual submission, cashes out in the most basic institution of human society. This passage is a direct assault on the autonomy of the individual and a glorious invitation into the mystery of the gospel.
To understand this text, we must first understand that it is impossible to obey apart from the filling of the Holy Spirit. Paul has just said, "be filled with the Spirit," and what follows is the fruit, not the root. This is not a bootstrap operation. This is what a Spirit-filled marriage looks like. And it is a picture of submission and sacrifice, a picture of Christ and His bride.
The Text
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
(Ephesians 5:22-33 LSB)
Wifely Submission as Gospel Picture (vv. 22-24)
Paul begins with the wives, which is striking. In all social relations, if this stone is not set properly, nothing else will be straight.
"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:22-24)
The first thing to notice is that this submission is contextualized. It flows from the mutual submission of all believers mentioned in verse 21, but it is a specific application of it. The word for "be subject" is a military term, meaning to arrange oneself under authority. This is not a call for wives to submit to all men, but to their "own husbands." This submission is a fortress for the wife, protecting her from the need to submit to any other man in this way. Submission to her own husband is a liberation from having to be submissive to every man.
The standard for this submission is high: "as to the Lord." This does not mean a wife is to treat her husband as though he were Jesus. It means her submission to her husband is part of her worshipful obedience to the Lord Jesus. She does it because Christ commanded it, and in doing so, she honors Christ. This protects her from the temptation to make her husband's worthiness the condition of her obedience. The church is subject to Christ even when His providences are hard to understand. Likewise, the wife's submission is to be rendered as an act of faith in Christ.
The reason given is theological: "For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church." Headship is not about being the boss, but about being the source, the representative, the one who takes responsibility. It is a covenantal reality. Just as Christ is the head of the church, her Savior, the one who lays down His life for her, so the husband is established as head. This headship is a fact, designed to picture Christ's headship. A husband will send a message about Christ whether he wants to or not.
The parallel is then made explicit: "as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." The "in everything" is a stumbling block for many, but it simply means in every sphere of life. It is comprehensive. Of course, this does not include commands to sin. If a husband tells his wife to lie or steal, her duty is to obey God rather than men. But in all the legitimate domains of their shared life, her disposition is to be one of cheerful, intelligent, and willing submission. A wife's conduct toward her husband always says something about the church's response to Christ, either right or wrong. Her glad submission makes the Word of God attractive.
Husbandly Love as Gospel Picture (vv. 25-30)
Having laid down the wife's duty, Paul turns to the husbands with a command that is, if anything, even more demanding.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless." (Ephesians 5:25-27)
The command to husbands is to love. This is not a sentimental, Hallmark card love. This is a rugged, sacrificial, Christ-like love. The model is Christ's love for the church. And how did Christ love the church? He "gave Himself up for her." This is a substitutionary, sacrificial love. It is the love of the cross. A husband is called to imitate that which he cannot duplicate. He cannot atone for his wife's sins, but he is commanded to live a life of constant, daily, self-sacrificial death for her good.
And this love has a purpose. Christ gave Himself up for the church with a sanctifying end in view. His goal was not just to rescue her, but to make her holy and beautiful. He washes her "with the water with the word." This is the cleansing power of the preached gospel, the Word of God applied to her. The husband's love, therefore, must be a sanctifying love. He is responsible for the spiritual health and beauty of his wife. He should be washing her with the Word, praying with her, leading her, and creating an environment where she can flourish in holiness. His love is meant to bestow loveliness.
The ultimate goal is breathtaking: "that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle." A husband should love his wife with her future glory in view. He is to love her in such a way that on the last day, she will be presented to Christ more glorious because she was married to him. This is the high calling of a husband. He is to be a means of grace, a sanctifying agent, in his wife's life.
Paul then provides a second model for this love:
"So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body." (Ephesians 5:28-30)
The first model was impossibly high, the cross. The second is immediately practical, a man's care for his own body. No sane man hates his own flesh. He feeds it (nourishes) and keeps it warm (cherishes). This is a natural, constant, attentive care. This is how a husband is to love his wife. He is to be as attuned to her needs, her well-being, her flourishing, as he is to his own body. Why? Because in a one-flesh union, she is his body. To love her is to love himself. To neglect her is a form of self-harm. This is not selfishness, but the logic of the covenant. And again, Christ is the model. He nourishes and cherishes the church because we are members of His body.
The Great Mystery Revealed (vv. 31-33)
Paul then grounds this entire framework in the creation ordinance, revealing its ultimate meaning.
"FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church." (Ephesians 5:31-32)
Paul quotes Genesis 2:24. From the very beginning, marriage was designed to be a parable. The leaving, the joining, the one-flesh union, was never just about a man and a woman. It was a "mystery," a truth once hidden but now revealed in the gospel. The ultimate reality that marriage has always pointed to is the union of Christ and His church. Christ left His Father's side in the incarnation, was joined to His bride, the church, through His death and resurrection, and they are now one flesh, one body. Every Christian marriage is a re-enactment of this drama. This is why marriage is sacred. It is a gospel issue.
As Eve was taken from the side of Adam, so the church was born when the spear was rammed into the side of Christ. Adam, the first federal husband, failed his wife. When the dragon came into the garden, Adam stood by passively and then blamed her. Christ, the second Adam, did not refuse. He crushed the dragon's head and gave Himself up for His bride. Christian husbands are called to imitate the second Adam, not the first.
Paul concludes with a summary charge that brings it all down to the ground level.
"Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5:33)
He says "nevertheless," meaning, "Now back to your own marriages." The theology is glorious, but it must be lived. He boils it down to two summary commands. Husbands: love. Wives: respect. It is not that wives are exempt from loving or husbands from respecting. We are to love our neighbor and honor all men. But Scripture singles out these specific duties because they address our respective areas of temptation and our spouse's deepest need. Men are tempted not to love sacrificially, and women are tempted not to respect their husband's leadership. A woman needs to feel loved. A man needs to feel respected. When a wife disrespects her husband, he is tempted to withdraw his love. When a husband is unloving, a wife is tempted to show contempt. God's commands cut right through this death spiral. The commands are not conditional. Husbands are not told to love their wives if they are respectable. Wives are not told to respect their husbands if they are lovable. You are to obey God, and in so doing, you preach the gospel to your spouse and to a watching world.
Conclusion: Your Marriage, Your Pulpit
Your marriage is a pulpit, and you are always preaching. The question is not whether you are preaching, but what you are preaching. Are you preaching the true gospel of a loving, sacrificial Christ and a responsive, submissive church? Or are you preaching a distorted gospel of selfishness, bitterness, and rebellion?
This standard is impossible. Without Christ, it will crush you. But that is the point. This passage is designed to drive us out of ourselves and to the foot of the cross. It is only when we are filled with the Spirit, overwhelmed with gratitude for the great love with which Christ has loved us, that we can even begin to live this way. It is only when a husband understands that Christ died for him while he was unlovable that he can love his wife when she is being unlovely. It is only when a wife understands that she is part of a church that joyfully submits to Christ that she can joyfully respect her husband.
Your marriage is not a private affair. It is a public testimony. It is a picture of the great mystery, the union of Christ and His church. So, husbands, lay down your lives. Take up your cross daily. Love your wives with a rugged, sanctifying, nourishing love. Wives, honor your husbands. Respect their leadership. Follow them gladly. And together, in this mysterious dance of headship and submission, you will paint a picture of the gospel so beautiful and so compelling that it will make the Word of God attractive to a world that is starving for it.