A Father's Prerogative and the Present Distress Text: 1 Corinthians 7:36-38
Introduction: The War on the Household
We live in an age that has declared war on the family, and one of its primary battlefronts is the absolute demolition of paternal authority. Our culture treats the father as, at best, a bumbling fool in a sitcom, a necessary biological contributor, and perhaps a second-string assistant mom. At worst, he is depicted as an oppressive tyrant from whom daughters must be liberated. The modern story of romance is one of two autonomous individuals, following their hearts, with parents relegated to the role of either cheerleaders or obstacles. The idea that a father would have any say, any actual authority, in his daughter's marriage is considered hopelessly antiquated, if not downright abusive.
Into this sentimental and rebellious slop, the Word of God speaks with a bracing and clear-headed authority that is deeply offensive to our egalitarian sensibilities. The Bible does not believe in autonomous individualism. It believes in covenants, households, and headship. A family is not a loose collection of independent contractors; it is a covenantal organism under the headship of a father. And one of the central duties of that father is to protect and provide for his household, which most certainly includes guarding the well-being and future of his daughters.
This passage in 1 Corinthians is one of the clearest expressions of this reality. It is so clear, in fact, that modern translators and commentators have sometimes performed astonishing exegetical gymnastics to make it say something, anything, other than what it plainly says. But the text is straightforward. It is addressed to fathers concerning their daughters. It assumes a father's authority in the matter of her marriage as a given.
But we must also understand the specific context. Paul is not writing a timeless, abstract treatise on marriage here. He is giving pastoral counsel for a specific situation, what he calls "the present distress" (1 Cor. 7:26). A time of persecution was upon the church, or was looming. And in such a time, practical wisdom is needed. Paul's advice here is not about whether marriage is good or singleness is holier. He has already established that marriage is the norm and is honorable. This is about strategic wisdom in a time of war. It is about a father's calculus in determining what is good, and what, under the circumstances, might be even better for the sake of the kingdom.
The Text
But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no compulsion, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better.
(1 Corinthians 7:36-38 LSB)
The Good Path: A Father Gives His Daughter (v. 36)
We begin with the father's first option, which is the normal and expected path.
"But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry." (1 Corinthians 7:36)
The "man" here is a father. He is considering his responsibility "toward his virgin daughter." The entire framework is one of covenantal headship. She is under his care and protection. He is the one who must act, who must make the decision. This is not a conversation between two teenagers in the back of a car; this is a matter for the head of a household.
The father is to consider several factors. First, is he "acting unbecomingly" toward her? This means he is considering whether keeping her at home is becoming a dishonor to her. Perhaps a worthy suitor has presented himself. Perhaps she is "past her youth," meaning she has reached a mature, marriageable age, and to keep her single any longer would be to treat her like a child or to deny her the good gift of marriage and family. He is to consider her well-being above his own convenience.
Second, he considers the necessity of the situation: "and if it must be so." This points to a host of practical realities. Does his daughter desire to be married? Is she "burning with passion," as Paul mentioned earlier? Is the suitor a godly, responsible man, able to provide for and lead a wife? Is it simply the right and fitting time? The father is not to be a tyrant, ignoring all the facts on the ground. He is a steward, making a wise and sober judgment.
If these conditions are met, the conclusion is clear: "let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry." Notice the authority: "let him do what he wishes." The decision is his. And in making the decision to give her in marriage, "he does not sin." This is crucial. Marriage is not a second-best consolation prize. It is the created norm. It is good. It is honorable. It is the ordinary path of faithfulness for the vast majority of believers. To give your daughter to a godly man is a righteous and holy act. It is the fulfillment of the cultural mandate. This is the good path.
The Better Path: A Father Keeps His Daughter (v. 37)
But then Paul, in light of the present distress, presents a second option.
"But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no compulsion, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well." (1 Corinthians 7:37)
This is the alternative. This is the father who, after considering all things, makes a different calculation. Notice the description of his resolve. He "stands firm in his heart." This is not a passive or accidental decision. It is a deliberate, principled choice. He is "under no compulsion." This means he is not being forced into this decision by external circumstances, like a lack of suitors or some problem with his daughter. He has options.
He "has authority over his own will." This is a fascinating phrase. It means he is in control of the situation and is free to make the decision that he, as the head of the house, deems best. He is not being pressured by his daughter, or his wife, or the neighbors. He has weighed the situation before God and "has decided this in his own heart." What has he decided? "To keep his own virgin daughter."
This does not mean locking her in a tower. It means that for a season, because of the present crisis, he has determined that her kingdom effectiveness, and the family's, would be greater if she remained unmarried, undistracted by the "troubles in this life" that Paul says marriage will bring in a time of persecution (v. 28). She remains under his protection, a part of his household, free to devote herself to the work of the Lord. And in making this choice, Paul says, "he will do well." This too is a good and righteous decision, made for strategic reasons.
The Strategic Comparison (v. 38)
Paul then summarizes the two options with a simple, practical comparison.
"So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better." (1 Corinthians 7:38)
Here is where so many go astray. They rip this verse out of its context and try to make it a universal statement on the spiritual status of marriage versus singleness. They want to create a two-tiered system of spirituality, with the celibate on the top shelf and the married folks down below. This is Roman Catholic nonsense, and it is not what Paul is saying at all.
Both actions are good. The father who gives his daughter in marriage "does well." The father who, for strategic reasons related to persecution, keeps her at home "will do better." The word "better" here is not an ontological statement, but a pragmatic one. It is better in relation to the "present distress."
Think of it this way. On a peaceful summer day, it is a good thing to be out sailing on the lake. But if the weather service issues a hurricane warning, it is "better" to have your boat securely tied up in the harbor. Is the harbor inherently superior to the open lake? No. But given the circumstances, it is the wiser, safer, "better" place to be. Marriage is the sailing. The "present distress" is the hurricane warning. In a time of intense persecution, the anxieties of caring for a spouse and small children are an immense burden. Paul is simply saying that if a father can, without sin, spare his daughter and her potential family that burden for a season, that is a "better" strategy. He is not denigrating marriage; he is recognizing the brutal reality of a world that hates the church.
Conclusion: Fathers, Lead Your Households
So what does this mean for us, here and now? The "present distress" in Corinth has passed, but the principles of God's Word have not. Three things stand out with crystal clarity.
First, for fathers. You have an authority and a responsibility that our culture wants you to abdicate. You are the covenantal head of your home. You are not a passive observer in the lives of your children. You are to lead them, protect them, and guide them. When it comes to your daughter's future, you are the gatekeeper. This is not tyranny; it is the loving exercise of God-given authority. A young man who wants to marry your daughter should come to you. He should seek your blessing. You have the right and the duty to know him, to test him, and to determine if he is a man worthy of the precious gift of your daughter. Do not be cowed by a culture that despises your office. Take up your post.
Second, for young men and women. Reject the world's cheap, sentimental, and individualistic view of romance. Young man, when you are ready to marry, show your maturity by approaching her father. Show that you respect the order God has established. Young woman, trust your father's headship. Your heart can be deceptive, but a godly father, seeking the Lord, is a profound protection for you. Honor him, and you will be blessed.
Finally, for the church. We must recover a robust, biblical theology of the family. We must affirm that marriage is the good and normative path for our children. We should not delay it for frivolous reasons like career and college debt. At the same time, we must recognize that in times of cultural crisis and hostility to the faith, there may be strategic reasons for some to remain single for a season for the sake of the kingdom. But this is the exception, not the rule. The fundamental truth is that God has established the family as the central building block of society. A father giving his daughter in marriage is not a lesser good. It is the main thing. It is how we build Christian civilization, one faithful household at a time.