One Flesh, Hard Hearts, and Narrow Gates
Introduction: A Theological Ambush
As we come to this passage, we must recognize the setting. Jesus is on His final journey to Jerusalem. The cross is looming. He is not engaging in abstract ethical debates for the amusement of scribes. He is marching toward the great battle, and every word He speaks is a declaration of the nature of His kingdom. The air is thick with confrontation. Large crowds are following Him, and He is healing them, demonstrating His authority over the brokenness of the fallen world. It is precisely this authority that the Pharisees cannot stand, and so they come to Him, not with honest questions, but with a carefully constructed theological ambush.
They are "testing Him." The question they pose about divorce was a hot-button issue, a bitter debate between the strict school of Shammai and the lenient school of Hillel. The Pharisees are not interested in the truth about marriage; they are interested in trapping Jesus. They want to force Him to alienate one faction or another. They want to embroil Him in a political mess. This is what theological liberals and compromisers have always done. They find a difficult issue, a point of cultural tension, and they try to use it as a lever to pry the faithful away from the Word of God.
And we must confess that the modern evangelical church has walked straight into this same ambush and has, for the most part, surrendered unconditionally. We have adopted the world's casual, sentimental, and ultimately disposable view of marriage. We have taken the Pharisees' question, "Is it lawful to divorce for any reason at all?" and have answered it with a resounding "Yes," even if we dress it up in pious language about "irreconcilable differences" or "growing apart." Jesus' response here is not just a word to the Pharisees; it is a cannon shot into the hull of the modern church. It is a radical call to return to the manufacturer's design, to the foundational grammar of reality itself.
The Text
Now it happened that when Jesus had finished these words, He departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan; and large crowds followed Him, and He healed them there. And some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and saying, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.”
(Matthew 19:1-12 LSB)
Back to the Source Code (vv. 3-6)
The Pharisees ask a question about the law of Moses, but Jesus refuses to start there. He knows that if you start in the wrong place, you will never arrive at the right destination. They want to start with the concession; Jesus insists on starting with the creation.
"And He answered and said, 'Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.'" (Matthew 19:4-6 LSB)
His response, "Have you not read?" is a sharp jab. These are the biblical experts, and He is pointing out that they have fundamentally misunderstood the very first page of the book. He takes them back to Genesis 1 and 2. The foundation of marriage is not a cultural tradition or a legal contract; it is a creation ordinance. It is woven into the fabric of reality by God Himself.
Notice the progression. First, God "MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE." Marriage is predicated on the created, biological, glorious distinction between the sexes. This is the bedrock. All modern attempts to redefine marriage as something other than the union of a man and a woman are not just a disagreement over policy; they are a rebellion against the Creator's design. It is an attempt to tell God that He made a mistake.
Second, because of this created sexual distinction, a man leaves and joins his wife. This is the public, covenantal act. And third, the result is that "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." This is not a sentimental phrase for a very close relationship. It is a statement of metaphysical fact. In marriage, God performs a miracle. He takes two distinct individuals and, through their covenantal union, forges them into a new, single entity. It is a real, ontological union. This is why Paul can point to marriage as the living icon of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5). The union is that profound.
From this, Jesus draws the inescapable conclusion: "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." The authority to create this union belongs to God alone. Therefore, the authority to dissolve it does not belong to us. Divorce is not simply the termination of a contract. It is an act of violence. It is man taking a sledgehammer to something God has welded together. It is an attempt to tear asunder what the Almighty has made one.
A Concession, Not a Command (vv. 7-9)
The Pharisees, having been routed on the field of creation, retreat to their legalistic foxhole in Deuteronomy. They think they have Him trapped now.
"They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?' He said to them, 'Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.'" (Matthew 19:7-8 LSB)
Notice their deceptive wording. They say Moses "commanded" divorce. This is a gross distortion. Moses did not command divorce; he regulated it. In a fallen world full of hard-hearted men who would simply abandon their wives without a second thought, the certificate of divorce was a protection for the woman. It was a legal guardrail to mitigate the damage of sin. It was a concession, not the ideal.
Jesus' answer is devastating. He says Moses permitted this "because of your hardness of heart." The law in Deuteronomy 24 was not a reflection of God's perfect will; it was a pastoral accommodation to human sinfulness. It was civil law for a rebellious nation. But Jesus, the King, has come to restore the original standard. "From the beginning it has not been this way." The gospel does not come to lower the bar and make sin more comfortable. The gospel comes to restore God's original creation design and to give us the grace and power, through the Holy Spirit, to live up to it.
Then Jesus lays down His authoritative decree, the law of His kingdom:
"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:9 LSB)
Here, Jesus speaks with an authority that transcends Moses. He is the God who gave the law to Moses. He states the rule plainly: to divorce and remarry is to commit adultery. The human act of divorce does not, in God's eyes, necessarily sever the one-flesh bond. To enter a new union while the first one is still valid before God is to live in a state of adultery.
He provides one exception: "except for sexual immorality." The Greek is porneia. This refers to illicit sexual activity that violates the sexual exclusivity of the marriage covenant. Adultery is the prime example. Such an act is a profound betrayal and rupture of the one-flesh union. In such a tragic case, the faithful spouse has biblical grounds to end the marriage. The covenant has been broken by the unfaithful party, and the faithful party is not bound. But this is the only exception. It is not "we fell out of love," or "he doesn't meet my needs," or "we have communication problems." It is porneia. The gate is narrow.
The Disciples' Worldly Calculation (vv. 10-12)
The disciples' reaction is telling. It reveals just how far the culture had drifted from God's standard, and it reveals how much our own culture has drifted.
"The disciples said to Him, 'If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.'" (Matthew 19:10 LSB)
They are shocked. They are so accustomed to the easy-divorce culture of their day that Jesus' teaching sounds like an impossible burden. Their response is a pragmatic, cost-benefit analysis. "If marriage is this permanent, this binding, then maybe it's not worth the risk." This is the same logic that leads many in our day to cohabitation or to delaying marriage indefinitely. They see the high calling and they flinch.
Jesus' response is gracious but firm. He acknowledges that not everyone is called to this high standard of marriage.
"But He said to them, 'Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given... He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.'" (Matthew 19:11-12 LSB)
He points out that there is another high calling: the calling to celibacy for the sake of the kingdom. There are some who, by God's grace and for His purposes, forgo marriage altogether to devote themselves more fully to the work of the gospel. This is not a lesser state; it is a gift. Paul speaks of it in the same way in 1 Corinthians 7. This calling is not for everyone, but it is a valid and honorable one.
But the point here is that there are only two options in the kingdom: faithful, lifelong, covenantal marriage, or faithful, God-honoring celibacy. There is no third way. There is no room for the revolving door of serial monogamy that has become the norm in the world and, tragically, in much of the church. The standard is high because the God who created marriage is holy, and the covenant He created is sacred.
Conclusion: Repentance and Restoration
So what do we do with such a hard teaching? First, we must repent. We must confess that as a church, we have failed miserably. We have counseled divorce when we should have counseled repentance and reconciliation. We have blessed adulterous remarriages. We have allowed the world to catechize us on the meaning of marriage instead of submitting to the clear Word of God. We have traded the hardness of the biblical standard for the hardness of our own hearts.
Second, for those who are married, you must see your covenant not as a contract to be renegotiated but as a sacred vow to be kept until death. Your marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. Do not tear up the picture. God's grace is sufficient for you. It is sufficient to help you forgive, to help you forbear, and to help you love your spouse as Christ loved the Church.
And third, for those who have a history of divorce and remarriage that falls short of this standard, the answer is not despair. The answer is the same as it is for any sin: repentance and faith. You cannot unscramble the eggs of the past. But you can confess your sin to God, acknowledge His holy standard, and commit to live in faithfulness within your present circumstances from this day forward. The blood of Jesus Christ is sufficient to cover all our sins, including our marital sins. But true grace does not give us a license to continue in sin. True grace teaches us to deny ungodliness and to live righteous lives in this present age.
The world is starved for a vision of faithfulness. It is drowning in a sea of broken promises and disposable relationships. The single greatest evangelistic tool we have is a church full of husbands and wives who have been joined together by God, and who refuse to be separated by man, by sin, or by the spirit of the age.